Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Andy Holt

26 November 2004

Southend United 1 Grimsby Town 1

It was only when I sat down to begin writing this report that I realised what a wonderful job Tony does for us. Mr Butcher, I salute you. Implicit excuses now made for the lack of quality and accuracy in my report, I'll crack on. Hang on, I'll crack on in a minute. Match of the Day is on and I'm watching Chelsea against Charlton. And you know who the ref is? Only Mark Clattenberg. Did you know he was a Premiership ref now? [He can't be any worse than Mike bloody Riley, can he? - Ed.]

Sorry. Back to yesterday evening. Somehow I managed to convince my colleague to make the trip out to the east coast with me. To watch a bottom-tier match on a Friday night. Weird. He's a Tahgers fan too (as well as having more than a soft spot for Leeds) so it's actually more than weird. I'm still not quite sure how I managed to persuade him to come along, braving the A13 at rush hour, for two hours sat in the cold watching what most likely wouldn't be memorable football. But persuade him I did.

So, Euan and I joined maybe 350 others in the away end for this battle of east coast seaside towns. Southend-on-Sea felt remarkably like Cleethorpes. Just with more souped-up cars. Only in Essex (and Hollyoaks, thinking about it) could you find a shop called Vehicle Accessories Enhancers.

We were squeezed in to half of the North Stand so it felt like a larger crowd than it was. In fact the crowd was quite decent all over the ground. Southend's average attendance this season is 4,900 (8 per cent up on last season) and the official attendance last night was 5,200. Not too shabby.

We arrived, avec pie, at our seats when the warm-up was already in progress. As I would be unable to provide a full and detailed report of that part of the evening I didn't bother paying attention at all. Instead I spent the time until kick off explaining to Euan who was who in the Town squad, and why Hockless, despite showing astonishing shooting prowess once the starters went in, would not be in the first 11. When I got to Reddy and especially Whittle Euan got very excited. Ex-Hull City, you know. It was almost too much for him.

Roots Hall is a strange place. A compact old ground sat among streets of houses, it reminded me of BP. Apart from the fact that our home ground doesn't have tin roofs. It seems that the builders of two of the stands seem to have made use of all the spare corrugated iron that would have become available on the decommissioning of many of Essex's airbases following the Second World War. It felt like we were in an air-raid shelter. Don't panic, Mr Mainwaring, it hasn't kicked off yet.

Grimsby lined up in the yellow away kit with white shorts and yellow stockings. Young Greg was still wearing his white ankle socks. Aw, bless. In terms of formation, it was back to basics again. Last week's 4-4-2 was repeated, with the only change from the Kiddy match seeing Fleming come in for Stan. Just for completeness the eleven were Williams, McDermott, Whittle, Jones, Bull, Crowe, Fleming, Pinault, Gordon, Cramb, Parkinson. The subs were Hockless, Sestanovich, Reddy, Coldicott and Young.

First half

The match kicked off with Town shooting away from us, which was nice, as it meant we got to see an awful lot of the action in the first 15 minutes from close range. As you may have guessed, the first quarter of an hour was all Southend. We couldn't get a kick. But despite that Williams didn't really have much to do. The Shrimpers kept possession of the ball very well. They passed around neatly from side to side, dragging our defence around. The benefit of playing two full-backs as wingers means that when under pressure the pseudo-midfielders can drop back to make a flat back six.

As I say, despite all the pressure, Town chased and pursued and kept their shape, only allowing Southend to pass in front of them and closing down whenever it looked like a shot was on. They held out well. If only they could get hold of the ball, eh?

And then they did. In a rare little period of possession Town broke down the right. Crowe played a nice one-two with Parkinson outside him before drilling a shot straight at Bart Griemink in the Southend goal.

As Grimsby started to get into the match more, Southend were awarded a free kick. But shouldn't have. Someone in yellow kicked the ball when making a tackle, maybe Peanut. Someone in navy blue tripped over his leg. And the ref blows. Pants. It felt like time for one of those sucker punches Town always fall foul of.

So, a free kick 25 yards out towards the right-hand side of the penalty box, from our point of view, behind the goal. Williams lined up a wall of four and promptly stood behind it. Whichever goalkeeping coach told him that was a good idea wants shooting. It was like the climax to Bend it Like Beckham all over again. The shot came in, nicely curled around the wall towards Williams' left post. Surprise surprise. Williams dived but couldn't get near it as the ball grazed the outside of the woodwork. Close.

This seemed to wake Town up a little and they got more into the game passing around well. "Just like watching Brazil," commented Euan. It was quite nice, yeah, but Pinault's French, mate, not South American. Town didn't really create much of note, though. Cramb a couple of times and Fleming both had shots from distance but the ball was closer to leaving the ground than entering the net on all occasions.

That said, one passage of play troubled the Southend defence. After nice play down the right Parkinson ended up wide of the box. He whipped in a low square ball across the area which invited Fleming to side-foot in. Sadly, a defender just got to it. Danger averted.

After earlier seeing the benefits of having four full-backs, we later saw the downside. On a couple of occasions Gordon got the ball down the left. Beat the man, Deano. Get to the bye-line and whip in a cross. Only he couldn't. He just didn't seem to know what to do.

But when a Town attack broke down, after 30 minutes or so, a Southend player in possession turned and played a bit of a wayward backpass. It went towards no-one, and the match seemed to stop for a second. Then suddenly a little yellow and white flash shot towards the ball. Everyone was asleep except Macca, who ran through, collected the ball and rippled the back of the net. Whether or not it was a good finish I can't tell you. It was a long way down the other end of the pitch, you know. [Write like the pros, Andy, and just pretend - Ed.]

Grimsby went adrift a little after scoring. Or maybe it was just that Southend improved a bit again. Nevertheless, Williams remained generally untroubled. A couple of smart rushes off his line, collecting the ball from the feet of an attacker, were needed, but he never looked anxious. Griemink, likewise, had nothing else to do in the first half.

And then it was half time. It seemed that Southend had dominated most of the first half, at least possession-wise, with excellent passing in front of Town's back six pulling them one way then the other before crossing. Whittle and especially Jones coped well in the air, though, and as I said before, anyone in front of goal was harried, forcing them to go square and preventing a shot.

Southend fans probably felt aggrieved and the Grimsby fans probably felt a little fortunate, to be honest. Although with some better shooting it could have more. Parky was looking busy; Bull was up and at 'em, full of hustle and bustle; and Pinault, when Town got the ball, stroked it around nicely. I'm not sure Gordon and Bull see eye to eye about how full-backs should defend though. Maybe they were given conflicting handbooks as youth players or something.

Bouncy Essex girls

As I turned to Euan to discuss the first 45 minutes, there was a commotion down towards the front of the stand. Ooh, that looks like John Fenty, and who's that with him? It was Terrell Forbes, come to say hello to the fans. How nice. He stood around shaking hands and sharing words for five minutes or so. If definitely felt like a thank you from Forbes rather than a goodbye. It almost felt like the chairman parading a new signing.

And then came the dancing girls. Eight bouncy Essex girls in tight, shiny PVC leggings and crop tops dancing around to some music. The one in the electric pink was very bouncy. You don't get that in the Premiership. I wonder if they went to Tots after the game.

Second half
The second half started as the first had, with Southend dominating possession and passing around nicely. This would prove to be the pattern for the whole half. Town played further and further back and attacked on the break. Admittedly they attacked quite well and looked dangerous on the break but I wasn't happy with Southend camping in our half. Crosses into our box were numerous, like chickens.

In one little patch of extended pressure Town did have, early in the half, they had the chance to extend the lead. Two-nil would have won the match, I'm sure, but it wasn't to be. The ball was crossed and Peanut won the header, looping the ball over the scrambling Griemink. Dropping, dropping, against the underside of the bar. The ball bounced down and up. Parkinson, probably the shortest man on the pitch, stood under it. As the keeper and defenders closed on him, iron filings to his magnet, he realised he had no time and would have to take the ball early. He leaped and headed the ball but was too underneath it. It sailed a foot or so over the bar. Half a chance, at least.

All this time Southend continued to control possession for the most part. The crosses continued to rain in and I commented on how nice it was to have a 7'2" defender in Jones. He seemed to win everything.

But then the bottom fell out. After an hour or so a harmless ball was played forward. Jones, in space, had time to control the ball. Only he didn't. In the most schoolboy-est of schoolboy errors, the ball bounced under his studs. Eastwood, the youngster Southend picked up from non-League Grays Athletic, took advantage, collected the ball and finished well, cutting the back back inside Williams's near post. That's eight goals in nine appearances for the young fella.

It looked like a good finish but whether it was or whether Williams could have done better, I'm not sure. The other end of the pitch was still a long way away. Jones could have done better? Shit yeah. For this mistake, if he was on fire I wouldn't give him a nudge with a damp flannel.

The goal seemed to spur both teams on. Southend felt they could get the winner. Town collectively wanted to make up for an individual mistake. That's team spirit eh?

The next chance fell to Parkinson. Someone put him through through the middle. Parkinson shot across goal but the ball was always drifting wide.

Cramb took a knock on the head and was subbed soon after. His influence had been waning, anyway, as the match had progressed. On came Reddy, who started brightly, looking sprightly. Town were still playing almost exclusively on the break. Twice Reddy was released through the middle. Once he played a ball that pushed Parkinson out wide and then the cross was cut out. The second time, the Irishman's ball along the floor to Parkinson was better but as Parky shaped for a shot he was closed down and the ball went out for a corner.

Stacy came on for Crowe. Crowe seemed to be limping a little. Fleming moved out to the right side of midfield with Coldicott dropping in to replace him. Immediately Stace won the ball as Southend pushed forward. He carried it forward into space before playing in Parkinson, who crossed from the left towards Fleming running in at the far post. His diving header went wide. Nice football though.

As time ticked down it was game on. End-to-end stuff, as they say. Southend were still dropping crosses in our box like doodlebugs on London. They were also winning more of the headers. A couple of times Southend attackers put the ball over from free headers and once a header was glanced just wide.

But the most heart-fluttering moment was when Williams came out to gather another through ball. A routine save almost turned to disaster as he spilt it. Macca prevented a second mistake-ridden goal by winning the ball from the attacker and calmly clearing. Williams looked very grateful.

As the game went on, Reddy seemed to lose interest. Not exactly the attitude of someone coming off the bench fighting for his place and feeling threatened by Slade's talk of three striking targets.

One consistent cause of frustration throughout the whole of the second half was the assistant referee in the half Town were attacking, whose flag seemed to be connected to the Southend backline's arms. In the end the Town fans got so fed up that they offered shouts of "Offside!" every time a beyellowed player kicked the ball forward, just to help, like.

And then it was over, but not before Parkinson had one last chance to nick all three points. In the box the ball fell to him and from about 12 yards out, level with the left post, he curled a shot around a defender. Griemink, at full stretch, made an outstanding save to tip the ball at about waist height around the post. The shot was just going to slide inside the post but the save really was excellent.

Given Southend's recent home record I'd have taken 1-1 at the beginning of the match, but it felt like a disappointing result given the manner of the equaliser and also how close Parkinson was at the end. It might seem to the reader of this report that Southend dominated, and they did, but only in terms of possession. Town definitely had more chances - and the better chances, I'd say.

At the end of the match all the players, as usual, came over to applaud the Town fans. Except Jones, who stood conspicuously on his own near the halfway line, not wanting to be seen skulking off but definitely feeling guilty and beating himself up about his mistake, it seemed. Bull noticed and went over to comfort him, which was a nice touch. Slade came over and applauded the fans too, and then shrugged his shoulders. It was difficult to tell if it was an "oh well" or a "we tried" or a "what can you do, eh?"

Andy's man of the match
Mentions in despatches go to Bull just getting stuck in and some solid tackles and to Whittle for looking solid and never troubled. Pinault was good in the first half but virtually non-existent in the second. Man of the match though, for me, was Andy Parkinson, just for sheer effort and running and never giving up. He's going to score goals soon, I'm sure of it. He just needs one to go his way but this was not to be his night. Maybe next time eh?

Breaking news
The night was not over yet. As I drove back west my phone buzzed. A text message. For the purposes of being seen to be obeying UK road laws, I'll tell you that Euan read out the text to me - but who did and who didn't read the message isn't as important as the content. "Terrell Forbes has verbally agreed with the club to sign until the end of the season." So I was right: it wasn't a goodbye. Great news. It definitely tempered any disappointment I was feeling.

Official warning
The ref was OK, really, I think, apart from not giving a couple of shoves on Reddy and for giving that free kick in the first half that led to Williams's post being shaved. On the basis that I can't blame him for one of his assistants playing Simon Says with Southend's defenders, I feel moved to award him 4.998. Close to average, but just a little below.