Cod Almighty | Article

by Richard Dawson

13 November 2003

When Des was born, Don't Go Breaking My Heart was just about to give up the number one slot to Dancing Queen. My God, maybe I could make a niche for myself predicting personality traits based on... sorry, forget it, I'm rambling already. And Des, himself is a bit of a rambler, don't you know? Anyway, without trotting out all the sordid details of his past lives, Des washed up on the shores of the Humber in time for a spot of pre-season training last summer. He seemed to like it, and stayed.

Sorry, I just can't resist it. I found this glorious excerpt from a Tranmere match report when I googled our old Des on the interweb:

"Sam Hammam's great scheme came unstuck in the mud yesterday when a double error by Des Hamilton, the Cardiff midfielder on loan here last season, gifted Tranmere the lead. From 2-1 up, Rovers, with their renowned Cup spirit, were never going to relinquish it.

"Just after half-time Hamilton hesitated over a clearance and Sean Flynn charged it down. Hamilton recovered to pass back to Neil Alexander but under hit it and Flynn scored in front of Cardiff's notorious fans in the Cow Shed. The Cardiff manager, Alan Cork, called it a 'debacle'."

I hope that you realise that we didn't sign Des to be able to say we had an ex-£2m player with Premiership experience anchoring our midfield. No, it definitely had to be something to do with comedy value. With Lever, Livvo, and Gallimore all gone it was obvious the squad lacked an essential ingredient – someone to laugh at, week in, week out. And, in the early games, Des wasn't letting us down too much. He got sent off, spent large portions of every game arriving just after the ball had left the neighbourhood, and had a natural knack for breaking our attacks down with an adroit pass to his opposite number. And to top it all, what a great nickname! Truly top drawer. It just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it just?

I was lucky enough to briefly meet Des this season. No, not at the Bags' Ball on a Wednesday night, but on the hallowed turf of Blundell Park ten minutes before kick off (our hallowed webmaster might just be persuaded to put a link in here to the photo showing the occasion). What can I say except "firm handshake, but no eye contact". A cue for more psychobabble no doubt, but I'll leave you lot to invent yer own. What I will say is that day Des had his best game for the club. By a country mile. Time I met Simon Ford, I reckon.

Disco has competition looming for his place – the Pouton will returneth, as will Stacy, and Crowe is the new contender. Plus Campbell always looks better in the centre. But Des has the comedy value, so I'm sure of his future at Town. I also liked his post sending-off apology – this man has character. I never expected to write this when I started this profile, but Des is one I want us to keep a while. He's a Town player in the making – daft as it sounds.