Cod Almighty | Article

by Mike Worden

1 July 2010

Well hello there, Altrincham. Let's talk about you.
Formed in 1903 following the renaming of local side Broadheath FC, Altrincham is the kind of club that followers of Manchester's Football League teams have a soft spot for. They've always struggled against the odds but Alty fans look back fondly on some memorable cup encounters with League sides, counting sticking two past David Seaman at St Andrews in the third round of the 1985-86 FA Cup as their greatest cup victory. Allegedly, Altrincham have knocked 16 league opponents out of cup competitions – more than any other non-League side.

Apart from a potential weakness with checking the paperwork of foreign players (more of that later), Alty are seen as a stable and well-run club with one of the best playing surfaces in the Conference, one which hosts Manchester United reserve games. Talking of the bigger neighbours, Tommy Docherty managed the club in the mid-1980s but resigned after 17 games. Now, though, the Robins have one of the longest-serving managers in non-League in the shape of Graham Heathcote, a playing legend who stepped up from club secretary in 2002. Heathcote had acted as caretaker manager twice before and has the honour of scoring a goal for the Robins at Anfield in an FA Cup game in 1981.

Gone but not forgotten: paper-headed celebrity fan Frank Sidebottom at the Rebellion festival, Blackpool, summer 2009. Photo: Kerry Burnout (cc by-nc-sa 2.0)

Altrincham's most famous fan has traditionally been Timperley's very own Frank Sidebottom, creation of the late and much-lamented local comedian and musician Chris Sievey. But the paper-headed character was recently joined by cricketer Ricky Ponting who became a shareholder in 2009 after striking up a friendship with the club chairman who doubled up as the Australian team's tour bus driver.

It's a Cheshire thing when it comes to rivals, with Macclesfield Town (the Battle of the Mosses) and Northwich Victoria both considered as the teams Alty fans love to see come unstuck. In the boardroom, though, a game against Accrington Stanley may well end up in a food fight, for reasons explained later.

Do you come here often?
Altrincham bounced around firstly the Lancashire League and then, from 1919, the Cheshire League until joining the Northern Premier League in the mid-1960s. The club became stronger in the 1960s when two locals who ran a successful hi-fi business, Peter Swales and Noel White, took charge. (Swales went on to fame and mockery at Manchester City and White to Liverpool, although the latter still remains as president of Altrincham. Both men later chaired the FA International Committee, with Swales responsible for Graham Taylor's appointment as England manager and White claiming to be responsible for securing the services of Fabio Capello.)

With the club strengthened, Alty became founder members of the Alliance Premier League in 1979 (the forerunner to today's Conference Premier), winning it in the first two seasons, but failing to gain election to the Football League. They were relegated to the Northern Premier in 1997, won it in their second season and were back in the Conference for 1999-2000. They could only sustain one season there and were relegated but returned to the Conference after winning the play-offs in 2005, beating Eastbourne Borough at the Britannia Stadium.

Things went spectacularly wrong in April 2006, though, when they werededucted 18 points for fielding an ineligible player. Aussie James Robinson did not have international clearance but played in 13 games, scoring four goals. The Robins blamed Accrington Stanley, where Robinson had briefly been after playing in Iceland, but that was no defence. An appeal failed and Alty finished bottom of the league – but were reprieved because of naughty Scarborough being stripped of all their points and Canvey Island's resignation from the Conference. This trend continued for the next two seasons, when, despite finishing in the relegation zone, Alty were reprieved first by naughty Boston's punishment and secondly by the liquidation of Halifax.

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
This season's will be Town's first ever encounter with Altrincham, and there are unlikely to be any familiar faces on show either, as former Town centre-back Greg Young has recently decided to pack his bags and sign for York City. Explaining that York is nearer to his Doncaster home, Greg sent a heartfelt open letter to Alty fans expressing his love for the club:

"Altrincham Football Club will always hold a place in my heart, as I know it will for my parents who have become big fans. This is no doubt down to the welcoming and friendly atmosphere, which pervades the club at all levels, and the fantastic way it is run. I've enjoyed being part of the best part-time club in the country for which I have the utmost respect.

"I'm excited about the challenges ahead and I look forward to returning to Moss Lane in the future. Should I happen to score, I'll not perform a stupid celebration, in any case my wee partner in crime will not be there to help me."

Steve Saunders, once dubbed the ugliest footballer ever to play for Grimsby, finished up playing at Moss Lane in the early 1990s.

Fingers crossed the welcome at Altrincham will be warmer than suggested by the broken glass and rusty nails built into the ground. Photo: hugovk (cc by-nc-sa 2.0)

What can we do when the sun goes down?
Altrincham is prime Manchester commuter territory, being very well linked to the city centre through the metro tram. The journey is easy and the service frequent. The station is within walking distance of the Moss Lane ground. The town centre has lost some of its old Cheshire character through poorly planned redevelopment schemes, most notably the cold Stamford shopping centre, currently undergoing a major revamp. The southern part of the town is very leafy, notably in Hale and Bowden just off the M56, where half the cast of Coronation Street and some United players live. Even if you don't intend to take your driving test, Altrincham is a handy place for the modern Premier League player to live.

Sale and Timperley to the north and east are just ordinary suburbs. Old Trafford is a couple of stops away on the tram into Manchester and two of the most impressive country houses and parks lie close by at Dunham Massey and Tatton Park.

Vital statistics
Last season
League placing: 14th, Conference Premier, P44 W13 D15 L16 F53 A51 Pts54
Home and away rankings: 17th and 10th in the division
Average attendance: 1,066 (rank: 16th in the division, 117th in England)
Mileage travelled: 3,412

This season
Leading goalscorer Chris Senior has left the club to join Darlington, while long-serving Colin Little has moved to take up a coaching job at Manchester United. Graham Heathcote has secured the services of former Morecambe and Chester striker Michael Twiss.

Squad size: 18 (as at 21 June)
Odds on winning the league: 80/1 (Blue Square; this is as long as it gets, with Coral at the short end on 50/1)

Do say
"Nice pitch."

Don't say
"There's a lad at Accrington Stanley who's worth a look."

Do you know the Altrincham area? We want your recommendations for local pubs, cafés or B&Bs, to feature in our pre-match factfiles during next season. Use the Cod Almighty feedback form to send them in – or to share any other thoughts you might have about our Rough Guide to the Conference.