Cod Almighty | Article

by Rob Cavallini

1 July 2010

Well, hello there, Hayes & Yeading United. Let's talk about you.
Hayes and Yeading were formed more recently than the last time Alan Buckley was appointed Grimsby manager, so writing this Rough Guide is not the easiest task I have ever undertaken! (From a personal perspective, though, I was absolutely delighted in May 2007 when Hayes and Yeading football clubs announced they would be merging. It saved the team I am involved with, Corinthian Casuals, from being relegated out of the Isthmian League due to the extra place created in the pyramid.)

Fans prepare to watch Hayes & Yeading take on Wimbledon at home, September 2008. Photo: Andy Aldridge (cc by-nc-sa 2.0)

The new club has had quite an eventful if short history. The first season saw them consolidate in the Conference South, before reaching the play-offs a year later. In the semi-final the team was paired with Eastleigh and found themselves 4-2 down after the first game at home (it had been 4-0 after 50 minutes). Then, in a remarkable fightback, they won 4-0 at the south coast club to take the tie 6-4 on aggregate.

The final pitted them away at Alan Devonshire's Hampton & Richmond Borough. Again they upset the form book, winning by the odd goal in five after some goalkeeping Robert Green would have been proud of! Last season, despite being most people's tips for relegation, Hayes & Yeading defied the odds and finished comfortably clear of the drop zone. No mean feat for a part-time club.

Before the merger, Hayes (originally known as Botwell Mission) were always a strong amateur and latterly semi-professional club. For many years they frequented the Athenian League which was regarded as the second best southern-based amateur competition, winning it in 1957. During their time with the Athenians, Hayes also reached the FA Amateur Cup final in 1931 only to lose to Wycombe Wanderers in front of 32,000 spectators. Election to the premier amateur league finally occurred in 1971 when the club became Isthmians. Hayes bobbed about in this new environment for another 25 years before being promoted to the Conference in 1996, where they stayed for the next six seasons. Hayes attracted national attention in the early 1990s by knocking both Cardiff City and Fulham out of the FA Cup.

Yeading, in contrast, are a relatively new club who started life as a youth team in 1960. After many years working their way through junior football the club joined the London Spartan League in 1984 and within three years were promoted to the Isthmian League. Five years later and Yeading's rapid rise was almost complete when following two promotions they found themselves in the Isthmian League Premier Division. During this time Yeading lifted the FA Vase (1990), defeating Bridlington Town 1-0 at Elland Road after the first game at Wembley had ended goalless. A brief decline resulted in relegation in 1998, but back-to-back championships (in 2004 and 2005) saw them start the 2005-06 season in the Conference South. The 2004-05 season was made even more memorable by a run to the third round of the FA Cup where they eventually lost 2-0 to Newcastle United at Loftus Road after holding the Premiership club to 0-0 at half-time.

Famous players to have worn the colours of the two clubs include Cyrille Regis, Les Ferdinand, Jason Roberts, Andy Impey, Lee Charles, Charlie Oatway and most recently DJ Campbell. Last year a match was controversially abandoned when Gateshead refused to retake the field after one of their players suffered a broken leg.

Same match as above. In beating Wimbledon, Hayes & Yeading went top of the Conference – much to these supporters' delight. Photo: Andy Aldridge (cc by-nc-sa 2.0)

Do you come here often?
At the end of the season Hayes & Yeading will have spent half their history in the Conference Premier, so not much to tell. The original Hayes had a much stronger pedigree, having spent 1996 to 2002 in the said competition. They even finished third in 1999, only six points behind champions Cheltenham Town and two adrift of Kettering.

This was as good as it got for the west London club and they were relegated back to the Isthmian League in 2002. Their last match at this level was against Boston United, which was shown live on Sky TV and ensured the Lincolnshire club's promotion to the Football League, albeit in controversial circumstances financially speaking.

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
No, in a word. In an effort to pad this out I need to expand this section as Town have never played Hayes & Yeading previously. So Yeading's old stadium, the Warren (where the merged club will be playing in the near future when Church Road is redeveloped) achieved minor fame when scenes from Bend it Like Backham were filmed there. The club also gets another mention in a scene where the team are riding in a Yeading FC van. Incidentally, if you are bored and haven't seen the film, it scored 85 per cent on the Rotten Tomatoes website's Tomatometer.

On a positive note, at least we can say Town are undefeated against Hayes & Yeading. Yes, I am clutching at straws.

What can we do when the sun goes down?
Hayes is not noted as the nightlife capital of the south, so if you're thinking of sampling the local delights you are best off going for a curry. Alternatively, central London is your best bet, or more locally Kingston has a good after-dark scene and you can always find a Wimbledon supporter to have a natter with if they are at home on the same day.

If it's the last game of the season, you may like to arrange your holiday. Heathrow airport is located close by and if Town are relegated again there is always the option to throw yourself in front of an aeroplane.

The clubhouse is worth a visit and is unusual in that it looks like a house. It is probably the best bet for a pre-match pint as it is unlikely to be full of home supporters.

This cheery montage of moments from Hayes & Yeading's 2009-10 season suggests a friendly club entirely without pretensions to grandeur

Vital statistics
Last season
League placing: 17th, Conference Premier, P44 W12 D12 L20 F59 A85 Pts48
Home and away rankings: 18th and 17th in the division
Average attendance: 632 (rank: 23rd in the division, 134th in England)
Mileage travelled: 3,387
Top scorer: Scott Fitzgerald (11 goals in 17 starts and 14 substitute appearances, league)
Clean sheets: 9 in 44 league games

This season
Squad size: 13 (as at 16 June, not including the players to be released)
Odds on winning the league: 125/1 (Blue Square; shortest price is 100/1 with Betfred and Coral)

Do say
"Bend it like Beckham."

Don't say
"Shall we replay the match at Gateshead?"

Do you know Hayes or the surrounding area? We want your recommendations for local pubs, cafés or B&Bs, to feature in our pre-match factfiles during next season. Use the Cod Almighty feedback form to send them in – or to share any other thoughts you might have about our Rough Guide to the Conference.