Cod Almighty | Article

by Mark Wilson

6 August 2007

Last season
The Bulls provided an unexpected highlight for all exiled Mariners last term when the Sky cameras focused their glitzy glare on the Nou Camp of the north and instead of showing us being systematically dismantled, as is usually the case, we won the game and thoroughly deserved to do so. Those 90 minutes were a microcosm of Hereford's season: they looked neat and tidy and played a modicum of 'proper' footy but also looked as if they couldn't hit a cow's arse (or a bull's) with a banjo. When your top scorer for the season only hits the net 10 times you know it's going to be a longish haul.

They finished last season 16th, one place below our heroes on 55 points (four adrift of us), 13 points clear of the relegation zone and 12 away from a play-off place. You'll recall that Hereford were promoted to the league through the Conference play-offs in a year when Accrington cruised to the championship, yet they finished four places and five points better off than their milk-drinking former rivals.

Ins and outs
Judging by the comings and goings so far, Graham Turner must have a sore ear from all the time his mobile has been stuck to it this summer. The above-mentioned top scorer last season, Alan Connell, has departed forBrentford but a greater loss will be twice player of the year, the luxuriantly monikered Tamika Mkandawire, who has gone to Orient (Leyton Orient, I mean, not somewhere in the Far East). Five others have donned their wellies and waded out of flood-hit Herefordshire in the break.

Those arriving and looking for housing away from a flood plain are headed by our tormentor-in-chief at Cardiff, Steve Guinan, who moved permanently to the club after spending a chunk of the second half of the season on loan there from Cheltenham. Another decent signing is experienced ex-Gillingham, Watford, Norwich and Wycombe midfielder Clint Easton, and Kris Taylor from Walsall is currently getting used to seeing fields and not the M6 from his place of work.

That said, Hereford's official website lists only 14 first-team players, with just one goalkeeper and two players prepared to put 'striker' on their passports. All other players are listed as 'youth' players; judging by the look of them, they wouldn't get into a pub without their mums and would view the Myspace Mariners as grown-ups.

You may be able to anticipate where I'm going in the next sections...

Their expectations
A quick hyperspace ride around the forums and electronic byways of Hereford footy uncovers no significant feeling either way and suggests that they're kind of pleased to still be here and anything is better than the Conference. They're far more excited about their pre-season friendlies than we are and are spending a lot of time discussing the best ways to get to Tesco, the M5 and places I've never heard of in these watery times.

If we had only 14 first-team players at this stage, the nesbits who inhabit eMarinerworld would be rupturing themselves calling for dismissals, resignations and ritual floggings in Freshney Place.

Our expectations
So, they've only got 14 first-team players. Four-flippin'-teen! If Graham Turner, a fine manager and an honourable man, doesn't put another four or five into the mix I think they're well and truly buggered. Unless some of his youth players are about to explode onto the scene (instead of their pyjamas) they just won't survive a season with such a slim squad and I foresee a return to the Conference. Guinan and Easton will bring a bit of quality to their play but they won't be able to carry a team depleted by the injuries and suspensions that invariably crop up over the nine months ahead. They will also miss the presence of Mkandawire at the back, who at times was their outstanding player.

So, for absolute clarity, particularly when I line up for the ritual slaughter over my predictions at the end of the season, I say Hereford for the drop unless their squad is bolstered by the end of August. If it is, I say lower half of the table and constant glancing over their shoulder at the drop zone.

Just a note: at the time of writing Town have 14 players in the first-team squad but Hereford have no reserve team and their youths really do look, er, youthful.

Spotters' guide
A must when visiting Hereford is the Ronnie Radford Museum of Cup Upsets, Ricky George Park, have a drink in the 2-1 pub, reflect a while at the Eternal Flame Of How Football Was In The Good Old Days and the John Motson Ornamental Underpass... and don't mention Colchester v Leeds.

We visit Edgar Street on the last day of the season and it could be crucial to both of us – but it may also be your last chance to go see a game at this cramped but history-steeped ground, as plans are afoot to build a new ground and turn the old place into the 'cultural centre' of Hereford. Don't worry though: the new place is mooted to be just across the road from the old one.

Moo-ted – did you see what I did there?