Cod Almighty | Article

by Various

1 July 2004

Tony Crane is like a table football player: forever facing forward, motionless unless someone else jolts him into action, unable to turn around. Capable only of battering the ball upfield, usually against a player, be they friend or foe. While these are harsh observations, they are also fair. At least for a third of the season.

In another third of the season, a different Tony Crane turns up. My best mate him in action three times last season. Initiated with the horrendous, horrific, horrifying trip to Boundary Park, the second and third occasions were the brave, gutsy home victories over Brighton and Brentford. "I like him a lot. He just gets the job done." On that evidence he wasn't wrong, as Crane used his considerable height to knock away long balls, showed an able reading of the game, and cannily acted as a barrier betwixt ball and attacker. His passing was still ropey, but he did what defenders do: defended.

Whichever Tony Crane turns up you can be assured of three things. Firstly, he will get booked. Last season's haul of 15 yellow cards and two reds must be a club record. Secondly, Crane has a turning circle that can vary between that of a lorry pulling a fully load and that of a Boeing 747. Which is probably why he always seems to face upfield. Finally, in the first ten minutes he will do this wincing lean-over, where he feels the base of his back, like he's a battery-operated toy and he's feeling for the on-off switch.

No need to revisit Crane's previously discussed Leveresque qualities, merely to mention that he reinforced them with the occasional robust goal celebration. His 'wholehearted' approach will always have a number of Town fans on his side. And on occasion there's a childlike glee in his face, verging on cuteness. He's a lovable oaf. It's just whether he decides to be the tower of strength in the centre of defence - or a tower of cards.