Cod Almighty | Match Report
by Tony Butcher
27 March 2014
Grimsby Town 1 Luton Town 2
Still and chill, with over 400 Lutonites packing up their troubles down in the Osmond Stand. Luton Hoo are you?
Town lined up in a 4-4-2 formation as follows: McKeown, Hatton, Pearson, Boyce, Thomas, Rodman, Kerr, Disley, Neilson, Jennings and John-Lewis. The subs were McDonald, Thanoj, Hannah, Tounkara and McLaughlin. Will a Cookless Town be a toothless Town?
First half: The fat and the furious
Town kicked off towards the Lutonites. The Shop trolley-dashed and slashed with a slapdash hash. Get into them, get into them. Roaring, roistering, full court pressing from Town. Kerr cornered, Boyce boinked. Off the line, back to Boyce, and boinked back past a flailing failure – John-Lewis wafted and missed as the ball passed by.
Town, all Town, intense and full on incense; Lutonites flattened. Nearly this and nearly that.
Rodman rolled and boiled and dinked delightfully, Tyler flapped, the ball shinned off John-Lewis and strudled to Neilson, who clobbered into the empty net.
Don't blink, you'll miss it. A flick and trick back-heel, side saddle, paddle, waddle and cross. Wham bam, thank you Sam. Hatton dribbled dreadfully, Kerr stumbled bumblingly. Nicked off his toes by a passing typhoon, and Benson plopped soppily to Robinson, who carefully steered. You blinked. They didn't miss it.
Slump. Sigh. Don't cry.
Town unzipped on the left. Gray coiled, Benson peeled and plonked a deft cushion header to the penalty spot. Robinson dived headlong, McKeown plunged and pawed the ball away from the foot of his left post.
Gray zoomed, McKeown plucked, Gray za-zoomed and bedraggled when chums awaited.
Town shrugged off the gloom. There is no dark side of the moon; as a matter of fact it's McNulty's shadow. Pearson twanked a header, the ball disappeared, reappeared and stunk wide off The Shopping Trolley. Neilson twinkled, Disley dinkled and Tyler winkled away.
Town matched them mostly and should have been leading, but could have been losing.
Second half: The fast and the curious
Neither team made any changes at half time.
It's us, it's them, it's us, it's them; jabbing and blabbing, sparring and jarring tackles. Aswad roamed free and crossed to the near post. John-Lewis brilliantly cleared for a goal kick, heading towards oblivion, obviously. The crowd just laughed. Everybody seems to know the score by now; they've seen it all before with three fish on his chest.
They both fell over, with Kerr walking the ball off the line as everyone waited for some red cardage. And waited, and waited. Shall we just carry on regardless?
Town crossed, they cleared, Town crossed, they cleared. Hatton bethundered and Griffith threw himself at the torpedo. The ball rebounded clear and Luton broke, pulling Town's leg, wandering west then eloping to the east. A prod and poke and Griffith blamped a skimmer across McKeown, against the foot of the left post and straight to Benson, who scrimbled highly.
Town crossed, Town crossed, Town crossed, Town crossed. Yes, we're cross. Hatton dumped a free kick way over, Neilson cut and coiled inches over the angle of post and bar. Thomas raided, raided and raided, Luton ripped apart on Town's left. Rodman and Neilson swapped wings. Wonderful. Town stopped crossing.
Pressure, pressure, counter attacks and pressure. They soaked, we croaked, Lawless crumbled a crawler, Jennnings wobbled from afar and Tyler parry-punched aside. Town crossed, Town crossed, Luton panicked and panicked and panicked again and ran off straight down the middle as Townites powdered their noses and fluttered their fans. Pelly-Thingy, the mountainous midfield marauder, rumbled straight down the middle. McKeown sprinted out, the ball proceeded goalwards and they both fell over, with Kerr walking the ball off the line as everyone waited for some red cardage. And waited, and waited. Shall we just carry on regardless?
Town crossed and crossed and crossed and finally John-Lewis was replaced by his pathetic French doppelganger, Jean-Louis. Town crossed, Town crossed, Jennings crossed and Hannah flung himself goalwards but the ball floated gently to Tyler. Hannah? Oh yeah, he'd replaced Rodman. Jennings went to right wing. Town crossed, Town crossed, Luton broke and Gray poke-slashed wide.
Town crossed, Town crossed, Luton broke and Gray chipped inches over from way, way out in the shadow of the Horsemeat Stand.
Town crossed, Town crossed, and Town crossed. Town are just not very good at bad football.
Oh well, it could have been worse. Luton were ruthless when Town erred. Town were toothless when Luton were scared. Town matched them mostly.
The difference? The strikers. They had pace, power, brains and a method. Town had wilting spinach.