Cod Almighty | Match Report
by Dale Walmsley
1 December 2007
Huddersfield Town 3 Grimsby Town 0
It's the first day of December and the second round of the FA Cup sponsored by the world's largest investor-owned energy service provider. The world's best cup competition™ hasn't been kind to Grimsby in recent times. Perhaps this will be the year we sneak into the third round and draw one of the big boys' reserve teams. The Galpharm Stadium stood before me almost exactly like the Alfred McAlpine Stadium did a few years ago. Is this what a Fentydome looks like?
Mariners fans were to be housed in the suspicious-sounding Pink Link Stand. I eavesdropped on a nearby group of policemen. "Alpha, you stand over there. Take Bravo up the rear." They seemed unaware of the implied backdoor shenanigans with an 80s telly favourite.
The magic of the FA Cup had cast its spell on Mariners fans, an excellent turnout in what has been a mostly appalling season so far. The sides' warming-up routines were vastly different. Huddersfield smacked balls randomly all over the place whereas Grimsby were well marshalled by Sergeant Watkiss and his authoritative greying hair. Now let's check, who's the referee today? Mr P Taylor. Mr P Taylor? That name rings a bell. Ah yes, Darlington's star performer a couple of years back. With kick-off approaching, the entire Grimsby team turned to the optimistic Pink Linkers and applauded us. How nice. We applauded back with heart-warming mutual appreciation.
One name on the Terriers' teamsheet struck fear into many a Mariner. The will-he-won't-he saga which gripped the nation last week was put to rest: Phil Jevons started in attack, white boots securely laced. His reception was, predictably, mixed. Also in their sixteen were Premiership superstars Frank Sinclair, Andy Booth, Ronnie Wallwork and Danny Cadamarteri, all now plying their trade at a level more deserving of their ability. The eleven names selected by tinkerman Lord Buckley were Montgomery, Hird, Atkinson, Fenton, Bennett, Newey, Till, Hunt, Toner, Jones and North (the subs: Barnes, Bore, Bolland, Taylor and Rankin). As we all know, and Buckley confirmed at the fans' forum, he is a 4-4-2 man. So we played 5-3-2 with Hird and Newey as wing-backs. Town played in red shirts, black shorts and black socks. Very Man Yoo.
First half
Huddersfield kicked off the magic slightly too late. Yeah, it was at 3pm, but we had to endure Mighty Mariner pole-dancing for several long seconds. Magic isn't always great. Our Town lumped the ball towards Lump. The other Town booted the ball towards Booth.
The first half-chance fell to our Town. Jones controlled a Fenton free kick and laid the ball off to Toner. He took a touch and arrowed a low drive towards the bottom left corner. Glennon tipped the ball round the post. Two corners followed. Firstly, Newey delivered with his sweet left peg. Then, Toner delivered with his sweet right peg. To no avail but promising stuff from the minnows. My, hasn't Sam Hird got a long throw on him. It's like watching a modern-day Kevin Jobling.
We were looking unspectacularly solid leaving the Terriers no room for manoeuvre. Big Rob Atkinson slid in, taking the ball off Malvin Kamara's toes. Jevons tuned into Compass FM whereas Kamara chose Radio Humberside, and the ball dribbled out for a goal kick. Danny North tracked back to good effect, robbing the often-involved Kamara, who fell backwards in a heap and was instantly substituted. He wasn't really but I really wish he had been.
Jones and North were carrying on their good form after Barnet by linking up nicely. Much better than watching Rankin on his tod.
But the match was still a hoof-fest. Thwack to Jones, loses it. Thwack to Booth, loses it. A quarter of an hour in, Huddersfield threatened to play some football, with Jevons and Schofield being the cheeky culprits. Moments later Newey was dealing with both Sinclair and Worthington on Hudders' right. The former played the ball to the latter, who flashed the ball high and wide.
Midway through the first half the match was starting to change shape, in a bad way. Playing a back five with wing-backs doing zero wing-backery meant that acres of space was available for full-backs Sinclair and Skarz to roam freely and support Kamara and Schofield. Till looked like a right winger being asked to play an unfamiliar, more central, role. Poor lad, he had no idea what his role was. Toner looked lost. Hunt just looked rubbish. Booth was playing off Bennett and winning everything. Sinclair was in acres yet again; he crossed to Jevons, who headed on top of the net.
Down the other end, Jones burst through and was cruelly blocked off by two defenders. Penalty, ref! No? An indirect free kick will do, ref! Nothing.
From this moment on, Huddersfield took over. Kamara had their first shot on target, Monty palmed over. Booth towered to head a Skarz corner narrowly high and wide. Schofield charged in the box and forced Monty into another fine save, although handball had already been given.
Half an hour in, James Hunt clattered into that pest Kamara and was deservedly shown a yellow card. That was the first thing I'd noticed Hunt do since the opening few minutes.
Once again Kamara ran at our defence, and Newey turned into that full-back from two years ago. Monty was forced into another good save. This was getting silly. Something had to change; they were all over us. Sort it Buckleys!
A corner caused confusion with Monty having to punch from danger. Sinclair shot again, Monty saved again. Excellent, Smithers. Jones and North were defending too. They had to: it was an onslaught.
Bizarrely, the team were being taken apart time after time but the Mariners faithful were partying. G T F C, Alan Buckley's barmy army, G T F C, Alan Buckley's barmy army, G T F C...
Buckley needed to make a change so Andy Taylor stripped off ready for action. No-one was replaced. Sneaky! Town managed to play with twelve players for the rest of the half. It didn't stop the attacking antics of Huddersfield, mainly because Taylor didn't really come on. A change of heart from his Lordship.
To end the half Sinclair once again burst forward and once again Monty made the save. How repetitive. It was cold, very cold, and 0-0, our 0 being more 0 than theirs. Newey, Hird and Till didn't seem comfortable with their roles in the side. Booth was bullying our back three. Toner and Hunt vanished like an old oak table.
Second half
El Bucko made the change at half-time, Taylor on for the hapless Till. Town changed to 5-2-3, Jones being flanked by North and Taylor in a poor man's Drogba, Cole and SWP type way. [Who? - ed.] And it worked. For a couple of minutes anyway. Taylor looked bright, as always. North sprang into action, clipped a good ball into the box to no-one.
Wallwork fouled Hunt, free kick to Town. This was a turning point. Forty yards out and central, an ideal chance to put the ball in the mixer. Disappointingly, Hunt played the ball wide to Newey who lost it. Momentum gone.
Soon afterwards Huddersfield took the lead. Wallwork's free kick was deflected over for a corner. The first ball wasn't dealt with, bounce bounce bounce, slam, 1-0. It was at the far end so we couldn't really tell who scored. Ah come on, who else would it be? Goal scored by number 14, Phil Jevons. Booooo!
Moments after the restart, our Town broke. Lump laid the ball off to Toner, who was unceremoniously brought down. Had we learnt from the previous free kick failure? Answer, a firm no. Hunt passed to Newey, who once again lost possession. Pathetic. Soon after Newey brought down Kamara and saw yellow.
Buckster changed things again. Well, he is a 4-4-2 man. Bennett moved across to right-back, Hird right-mid and North inexplicably left-mid. Town were looking lost, lacking leadership and clear instructions. On the hour, and for the squillonth time in the match, Kamara attacked Newey (by this time, we all wanted to) and was able to play a simple ball across the box to the prowling Jevons for a simple tap-in. It was all too easy. Remember that match at home to Wycombe a couple of seasons back? For Wycombe read Huddersfield. For Kevin Betsy read Malvin Kamara. To be honest, I reckon Chris Kamara would have had a field day too.
Out of the blue came Town's best chance of the match. Hird played a simple ball forward to Taylor, who clipped a cracking ball to North at the far post. With the angle against him North superbly headed the ball down towards goal. Unfortunately their keeper clawed the ball off the line. It was the sort of moment when Motty would say: "We don't need goal-line technology for that one, Mark." Lawro would probably quip back: "I don't think Grimsby would be troubling that technology much this season, Motty."
What we really needed now was some more tinkering to further confuse the players. Bore and Bolland came on for North and Bennett. It still looked like 4-4-2 but with Hird to right-back, Bore right-mid and Toner left-mid.
This brought about a couple of lame Town attacks. Bore ran at them and into them. Bolly broke into the box and was easily crowded out. At the other end, Jevons was denied a hat-trick by a last-ditch tackle. Phew. Moments later Buckley ranted at loan boy Hird; to update him on what position to play, probably.
After 70 minutes, Jevons' work was done. He was substituted for another former Everton striker in Cadamarteri. Jevons answered the Pink Link jeers with a cheeky wave.
By this stage, Huddersfield were attacking at will; they looked about eight divisions above us. Kamara shot, Monty saved. Kamara ran, shot wildly. Kamara did this. Kamara did that. It was embarrassing. It was reminiscent of Hillsborough in January '97. Andy Booth played that day too. There was to be no John Oster consolation this time. Booth came off for Beckett with ten minutes left. Nice little selection of strikers they've got. So have we; it's just a pity about everything else.
With five minutes to go, Cadamarteri drove the ball against the post, and Beckett stepped past a static defence to tap home. Most Town fans headed for the exits. When the board showed three minutes of stoppage time, the ground was almost empty.
It wasn't that we lost: it was the manner of the loss. Huddersfield dominated from 20 minutes in. What certainly didn't help matters was the constant tinkering with formations. The players looked lost.
Man of the match? Montgomery, no contest. Let's concentrate on the Paint Cup...