Cod Almighty | Diary

Let the Wookie win

27 November 2015

Retro Diary writes: After tomorrow we find ourselves at the halfway point of the season. After that we have a couple of weekends of cup action to reflect on our progress to date.

How you view the season so far depends on where you position yourself on the Meldrew/Polyanna spectrum. Personally, that goal that never went in against Alty, and the last-minute equaliser in the opening game against tomorrow's opponents Kidderminster, are still, even now, winding me up. I suppose that makes me a bit of a Meldrew.

For a little encouragement we may think back to the great George Kerr season of 1979-80 when at the halfway stage, Sheffield United seemed to be uncatchable and storming to the third division title. By the time we made sure of top spot by beating them 4-0 in the last game in front of a gigantic Blundell Park crowd, United were halfway down the league. So don't worry – a lot can change in half a season.

One of the many joys of the We Are Town launch a couple of Fridays back was the Great Grimsby XI video, played on a loop in McMenemy's. Unfortunately, that 1980 Sheffield United finale was not among the great moments recalled, as unbelievably it was not televised. That day, Yorkshire Television chose instead to show a turgid 0-0 between third-placed Sheffield Wednesday and Carlisle, something for which I cannot forgive them, even now. In these days, when even the stanchion at Altrincham houses a camera, not to mention every chip shop and taxi rank, that no coverage of that momentous game exists at all except in the minds of the 19,276 attendees is a crime against history. If you're too young, it was a great day, but you'll have to imagine it.

We should be grateful that a little footage of the George Kerr era does still exist. When you look back at it, it's funny how your memory plays tricks on you. When you replay all those Kevin Drinkell and Joe Waters goals in your mind you forget the packed corner terraces, the gruesomely short shorts, and hair with soft-rock layers and ear-flaps. Unlike today, the scene was one of plain, earth-toned horizontals. Shirts had a number on the back and a modest badge, and boots were black. Simple and beautiful.

This week I thank CA's Richard Dawson for directing me to this in the Guardian. To summarise, novelist, thinker and TV personality Will Self recently led a walking tour of Bristol. His thesis was that only by setting out on foot, forgetting life's immediate material considerations and thinking about a location's history do we truly come to know our surroundings. At one point he got his covey of followers to press their faces up against a rugged old wall: "Feel the wall," he instructed, "its coldness, its integrity, its quiddity, its this-ness."

These lofty ramblings may seem precious and obscure, but they are only, of course, what 'old-ground' football fans like ourselves do entirely instinctively. Without even knowing the word 'quiddity' (maybe I'm speaking for myself), we understand as a matter of intuition that Blundell Park has it.

Even the added time is 'sponsored' by Tesco, "where every little helps". So when the opposition equalises in 90+4, I'm bigtime blaming Tesco

Self famously detests any sort of branding – he once removed or rubbed off with glasspaper every hint of the make and model from his car, including inside the engine. Looking at that old footage of Blundell Park, you can see where he's coming from. Today's footballers are billboards with jellybeans for boots. Even the added time is 'sponsored' by Tesco, "where every little helps". So when the opposition equalises in 90+4, I'm bigtime blaming Tesco.

Clubs plainly used to get on perfectly well without all this multi-coloured muck. On the shirt, there's nothing like a giant advert to ruin the stripes. The inelegant red 'Dixons' banner across the 1998 Wembley shirt still irks me slightly, for its garish, oversized crappiness. At least we've got Youngs now. It could be worse – we could have had Nobo (Brighton), Bonar (St Johnstone), or Pooh (AC Milan). Although I must say, for Hull City, Cash Converters did seem strangely appropriate.

Town's kit is a design classic, with the red socks as the final piece of genius. If I had my way, any player ruining the effect by wearing orange or pink boots would be subject to an instant colour-blindness test, and if they had the misfortune to pass, be made to watch Forest Green on acid until they beg for blindness. Whaddaya mean? Serve 'em right.

Tomorrow's opponents Kidderminster are in a spot of bother down the wrong end of the table. After a mini-revival recently they have been without a match for two weeks, their game with Braintree last week having been postponed. Starting tomorrow, their next seven league games, which takes them over Christmas, are, in this order: Grimsby, Gateshead, Eastleigh, Cheltenham, Forest Green, Cheltenham, Eastleigh. We hope for a Town win tomorrow, but after that we'll be cheering Kiddy for the foreseeable future.

Chairman Rod Brown is accepting the possibility of relegation with sanguine good grace, pledging to keep Harriers a professional club even if they go down. Good on him. After an unfussy defeat tomorrow, I'm sure I speak for many in saying that I would like to see them ultimately survive.

For us, everyone is fit, and we have two last-minute loan newbies to try and fit in. James Alabi (striker) joins us from Ipswich, and Conor Henderson (midfield) from Crawley, ex of Arsenal. A far cry from last season's 'Lenell plus nobody', we now have no fewer than five decent strikers to choose from, two of whom will find themselves in the stands tomorrow. My guess is we'll chuck on target man Alabi if it isn't working after the mandatory 70 minutes. Henderson looks a very intelligent acquisition, and we welcome him to the family, although who he'll replace is anybody's guess.

In this week's other news, Liam Hearn has signed for Barrow on loan, which might be the best news we've heard for ages. Since the SLR report into locations for the new stadium, every man and his dog has come out in favour of one of the two town centre locations: Freeman Street or Garth Lane. I urge you to read the Cleethorpes Chronicle's excellent editorial on this, which its author Nigel Lowther has kindly allowed us to republish here on Cod Almighty.

The dissonant voice in this chorus of uptown top ranking is East Marsh councillor Steve Beasant, who doesn't like the idea of millions of pounds being spent on the place where they filmed Skint. He obviously believes in some mystifying way that whatever happens to his ward, it could possibly be worse than it is now.

But wait! Mister F has tugged us back towards Peaks Parkway again by chucking into the plot a "mystery backer" for his preferred horsefield project! Garth Lane "rules itself out", he says, because "the land mass is a little different than Blundell Park". To me, a land mass is like, Australia, so we eagerly await the simple version.

There's just too much mystery in this whole thing for my liking. The backer will be a house builder, won't it? Didn't we already know that? UTM.