Match stats: Grimsby v Altrincham

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 23 January 2016

Conference Premier

Grimsby Town 5 Monkhouse (2, 52), Bogle (19), Amond (62), Arnold (90+1)

Altrincham 0

Attendance: 4323 (53 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Nathan Arnold

The nut loaf natterers sought out some cut-price haircuts from the nabob of niftiness for teasy-weasing Mr Tim Deasy.

Cod Almighty man of the match: Richard Tait

Everyone was perfectly fine, and none were tremendous, for this was simply collective adequacy overcoming lesser mortals. Let us herald the lesser-known dancers in Town's discotheque, and especially Richard Tait, for versatile vivacity and verisimilitude.

Our gaffer says

"Nice to put that one to bed. Good victory. Good for our goal difference. It's a long way to go but you never know if that could come in handy as well. Without playing particularly brilliant. In some ways I see that as a positive, to win five-nil and not be totally happy."

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Their gaffer says

"I don't think we made it difficult for Grimsby to win 5-0 and that's obviously very disappointing. We had a chat behind the closed door of the dressing room and what was said will remain private, but everyone in the ground could see that it was not acceptable and nowhere near good enough."

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There isn't much that needs saying – just look at the scoreline. Town did what they should do, and ended the game as stylish dashing musketeers, all slapping thighs and twirling moustaches. It was a romp with Town in their pomp.

Nolan had an excellent little cameo. One-touch passing and movement. I repeat, one-touch passing and movement. We can see why he was signed.

They can all go dancing on a Saturday night now. They've earned it.


Ah, at last the dragon has been slain. What are they now? Bingoball batterers with two fast wingers, clickety-click, just hoping for a lucky number to come up. They've resorted to being reduced to being rubber balls bouncing, bouncing off their opponents, hoping for free kicks. You'll get nowhere firing rubber bullets, especially with Former Big Unit Rankine battering the chips and fishing for fouls.

Not as good as Guiseley at spoiling a party, like their hearts aren't in the dark arts. They look precariously vulnerable to power and pace. Altymen: don't let the sound of your own wheels coming off drive you crazy.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

A lot of chatter and natter as Altrincham were soaked in batter. Gurgling and purring.

Official warning

Mr T Nield (W Yorks)

The pathological penalty denier, which I understand is a criminal offence in mainland Europe, had a hard and fast rule – only give every other foul. Dippy, dopey and at times dreadful, he was saved by the lady linesman from a perfect minus 10. Overly pernickety and under the boardwalk if the Altymen have anything to do with it: –1.362.

Readers' digest

Buckleyball! Welcome home, come on in and close the door.

In a word: serenity


Town: McKeown; Tait, Gowling, Nsiala, Robertson (Pearson 22); Arnold, Clay (Nolan 64), Disley, Monkhouse (Henderson 73); Bogle, Amond

Subs not used: Marshall, Pittman

Booked: Bogle, Disley

Altrincham: Deasy, Sinnott, Heathcote, Leather, Griffin, Moult, Richman (Lawrie h/t), Ginnelly, Mottley-Henry (Crowther 66), Margetts, Rankine (O'Keefe 80)

Subs not used: Reeves, Williams

Booked: Leather, Mottley-Henry, Rankine