First Team Vacancy (Voluntary)

Cod Almighty | Article

by Peter Anderson & Rich Mills

6 July 2016

First team vacancy to be filled on a voluntary basis. It must be stressed that this is not "the club taking the cheap option". Again.


OUR busy first team have a voluntary vacancy for the 2016-17 season. With space, time and attention to detail limited, please ensure you fulfil the criteria before contacting us.

We are looking for people who are quick, creative, free-scoring and have proven league experience. You will preferably have served your time with a team in the Bootham Crescent area of York or Glanford Park, Scunthorpe.

Joining up directly with the first team squad, we are looking for people who have knowledge and experience in the below key areas:

  • Scoring for fun
  • Keeping us shape
  • Taking inexplicable benchings with good grace before explaining to the media how this has helped your career.
  • Buzzing on social media
  • Having a name that lends itself easily to popular chants
  • Knowledge of local planning laws and stadium design as well as contacts who are captains of industry or enabling developers.

The successful candidate must be able to arrange their own transport to and from club gatherings and director barbecues and expenses will be paid at the board's discretion (speeding fine and costs incurred due to suspended licences will not be deemed a legitimate expense). Timely response to future voluntary contract extensions is also an essential criteria for this role.

Maintaining supporter rapport even when they tell you you're "bloody rubbish" or "as useful as a chocolate fucking fireguard" is also a key part of this role. 

Candidates of colour must be able to demonstrate either their ability to turn the other cheek or have a severe hearing impediment.

You must be aged 18 or over, ideally younger than 28 and be able to make all of our home and away games and score at least 30 goals. Youth Team players both previous and current need not apply. UK passport holders are preferred to avoid potential Brexit work permit hassle.

Email CVs, YouTube showreels, press clippings to: (Mark the subject as 'I am Lenny')