Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Tuesday 16 August 2016

Division 4

Colchester United 3 Dickenson (10, 39), Guthrie (34)

Grimsby Town 2 Disley (48), Bogle (90+3)

Attendance: 3287 (446 away fans)

The sentimental re-signing was the catalyst of competence where only calamity existed prior to the return of The Dizzer to planet football. He was the heart that beat to stop the bleats.

Some people called him the space cowboy, some called him words you'd never see in the Bible, and his parents call him Andrew Boyce. Town would have been better off with one of those inflatable wacky waving men that advertise local van hire garages. Taken off before he was sent off, and should not be seen again for a very long time.

''In truth, I didn't think quite a bit of the first half was that bad. Other than one period and the goals in particular, there were things that weren't that bad.

''The first two goals are a set play and a throw-in, and the third one a bit more in general play. That was the first goal we've conceded in general play so that tells a story right there."

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"The most pleasing thing was the way we managed the second half when it could have gone against us.

"Grimsby did get a bit of steam up but overall in the second half, we had more chances, hit the woodwork again and I must give the players credit for coming away with the win."

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If anyone deserved an undeserved win at Wycombe it was Town. If anyone deserved an undeserved draw tonight it wasn't Town. The first half was merely an extension of much of the pre-season and an increasing number of moments within the season. Take off the rosy spectacles of hope and smell the toffee. What you see is what you'll get for the next nine months.

Boyce and Andrew are shallow, callow calamities, accidents actually happening, in real time. The midfield four was flimsy and the Omar easily deflated. Boyce mistimed every tackle, every header and his withdrawal was an act of basic humanity from the Short One. He was Colchester's fifth man in attack.

Colchester played for free kicks and Town dumbly obliged with limb wafting nearby and a continuing disorganised feebleness whenever the ball travelled into the penalty area. Town were carrying at least four players who were not anywhere near the standard required for League football, even at its meekest. Sign relegated players, get a relegation team.

Things got a lot better when Pearson and especially Disley arrived. At least Pearson can head the ball. At least Disley looks up and passes to team-mates. But by then it was too late.

Sir, I may not have known Bobby Kennedy but I have seen many a relegation team, and this is what a relegation team looks like.

Ah, the blue wash.

If that were Town we'd be perfectly happy: a season of attacking intent, regular wins and safely floating in the happy zone with thoughts of possibilities of the play-offs. Colchester were perfectly fine, adequate and competent. Their fluid ease and total first-half superiority were largely down to Town's incapabilities.

Dickenson is a perma-threat of snicking and snarking, while Guthrie is no better than he was at Nailsworth. The rest were identikit shuttlers, indistinguishable from each other in the multi-skilled meanderings. Colchester were all about triangles and dishy dashes, all out attacking with four forwards pressed up against the glass chins of Grimsby. We couldn't cope with their ambition.

When even slightly shoved, their wall wobbled like the Crossroads motel and the goalkeeper is a non-League flapper and slapper. Unless this division is uniformly terrible they look like a thrusting team of youthful play-off contenders, as long as the winter is short and sweet. They'll be blown away in a big wind, drowned in any mudheap and trampled underfoot by rugby players.

I'd rather be them than us at the moment.

Well, we just drove 500 miles. Why should we drive 500 more?

Mr K Johnson (Somerset)

The hairless humpty-dumpty really didn't like Omar and was rather too willing to whistle when Colcestrians collapsed. He didn't cause the loss, but was a major cause of travellers' travails. Should have given Town a penalty, and should have sent off Boyce, so loses points for both those heinous anti-Town crimes: 5.319.

Red shirts, red faces and empty spaces.

In a word: camouflage