Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 18 February 2017

Division 4

Grimsby Town 3 Clements (40), Dyson (61, 73 pen)

Mansfield Town 0

Attendance: 5,550

A little sponsored stardust fell upon Tyson 'Calum' Dyson, the Toffeemen tyro, for keepin' on running. One fine day he may be the one if he carries his tribute act to Town strikers from the early mid-80s. Just don't grow a perm lad and ever, ever, add any moustaches to that perm you're not going to have.

Aw shucks, so many displays of adequacy to pick from. Osborne was, again, a perpetual motion machine, while Jones grew into his roaming role as the diamond-tipped cutting edge. But let us give the pest with zest his due: Tom Bolawinra. All three goals started with his interventions and inventions.

In Bignot’s big concept album there is no left side of the moon. As a matter of fact it's all right.

The back four functioned excellently, with everyone comfortable and content in some old familiar places. 'Twas neither sieve nor colander today. Jones the Steam just got better and better as the game ground on, eating up ground like a Stanniard (© MB@the BP). He’s even polishing his Poutons (Note for young people, in translation this means he was practicing his step-overs. We speak Pontooni, not Polari). Osborne was just dead acemer again with his hooking, hoiking roaming, raiding and all-round allroundness. Tombola caused real problems, adding effectiveness to enthusiasm.

Town's attacking method is best described as chaos theory. As there is no set formation or rigid structure, the opposition can't set themselves up to contain the unknown. It's a mystery they cannot plan for. There's a sort of genius in that approach.

The downside is the absence of malice down one whole side of the pitch and the curiosity that is Gavin Gunningbauer. The Irish rover is a walking self-inflicted wound waiting to happen, with his penchant for snidey, sneaky off-the-ball elbows and dilatory doodles in the nether regions. Something's gonna happen with the Gavster.

Still, nobody's perfect. But Town were perfectly fine today.

Do you still think you're into something good?

Listen very carefully Staggerpeople, I shall say this only once: You'll think he's a prize at the start, but take our advice, play it smart. He's a must to avoid, a complete impossibility. Evans' nothin' but trouble.

Yes, trite as it may be to repeat a truism, each football team follows the personality of the manager. Mansfield had a sheen of superficial pleasantness and professionalism with a massive underbite of niggle. When their chips fell down, full-blown thuggery arrived, like small town, small-time hoodlums.

Mansfield are just like everyone in this division: capable of looking neat and nifty if left alone, but an utter shambles when challenged to a duel. And, just like everyone else in this division, are capable of fluking themselves into the play-offs. Should finish lower 12th; will finish upper 12th if allowed to play the schoolyard bully.

Bore-baiting is legal whenever Masacaraman is in town. It's not often the old dentists get to poke a pig with a twig. What an absolute hoot.

Mr S Stockbridge

We could ask if he'd ref us every week, but really, for the gaiety of the nation, could he please referee Steve Evans' teams every week? He took no nonsense from the nincompoop and his umpah-lumpahs, like Potter's persistent plummeting under the slightest penalty area pressure, and White's weekend of whining. Jolly well done young man: 8.994

An all you can eat Blundell Park buffet of Town treats.

In a word: chaos