Cod Almighty | Article

by Dr Seusses

18 April 2017

In the first of a series of exclusive previews from his next book, Grimsby-born children's author Dr Seusses gives us his take on Cheltenham Town.

Do you like that Cheltenham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am,
I do not like that Cheltenham!

Would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there,
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like that Cheltenham,
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

Will you like them in a while?
Will you like their World of Smile?

I will not like them in a while.
I will not like their World of Smile.
I do not like them here or there,
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like that Cheltenham,
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

What about their gaffer Gary?
What about their diving Harry?

You can keep your gaffer, Gary,
You can keep that diving Harry.
Stick your Johnson and your Pell,
Where the sun don’t shine, now go to hell.
I will not like that Cheltenham,
I will not like them, Sam-I-Am!

Would you watch them from afar?
On a telly, in a bar?

I would not watch them from afar,
I would not watch them in a bar.
I do not like that Cheltenham,
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

Would you like them in red socks?
If they had a tower by some docks?

I couldn’t like them in fab red socks,
Nor with a tower or a fish docks.
Not nearby, not from afar,
Not even from within a bar.
I will not like that Cheltenham,
I will not like them, Sam-I-Am!

You may like them, you will see,
What if you got let in for free?

I would not, could not, don’t you see?
Even if the tickets were free!
Not here, not there, not anywhere,
Not in a while at the World of Smile.
Not with that Gary, nor diving Harry,
And not from afar, or sat in a bar!
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am,
I do not like that Cheltenham!

Visit by train, let them take the strain,
Soak up the sun, don’t sit in the rain!

I will not like them, by car, boat or train,
Whatever the weather, sun, snow or rain!
I will not like them, Sam-I-Am,
I will not like that Cheltenham!

Say! In the dark, here in the dark,
Would you, could you, in the dark.

I would not, could not in the dark,
Home for me is Blundell Park.
I don’t want to frequent Cheltenham by train,
And I don’t want to be there, not in the rain.
I will not like them, Sam-I-Am,
I will not like that Cheltenham!

You do not like that Cheltenham?

I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM!

You do not like them, so you say.
Try them, try them and you may,
Try them and you may, I say.

Sam, if you will let me be,
It’s the Mariners for me!
I could not follow such a side,
Their awful kit I can’t abide.
And while I am a reasonable man,
I cannot, and will not, like that Cheltenham. 

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