Match stats: Grimsby v Morecambe

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 6 January 2018

Division 4

Grimsby Town 0

Morecambe 2 Ellison (10), Old (41)

Attendance: 3104 (53 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Luke Summerfield

People like people who try hard: Luke Summerfield. He overtly tried hard. Without being overly effective.

Cod Almighty man of the match: No-one

You can take a situationist joke too far.

Our gaffer says

''We have a board meeting on Monday and we've already worked out a few things so we'll hopefully have something coming in.''

What, like a new manager?

Their gaffer says

B-b-baby we ain't heard nothing yet. Old Benters is probably still laughing.


You remember Mori, don't you?

No, not the one whose wigs didn't fall off – even underwater – the other one, the Japanese roboticist who established the concept of the uncanny valley? It's a characteristic dip in emotional response that happens when we encounter an entity that is almost, but not quite, human.

Yes, we're at the stage where Grimsby Town Football Club elicit uncanny feelings of eeriness and revulsion in observers. They are wearing the kit, they are the right age, they stand around like a football team. To the casual observer they look like a football team. But they aren't capable of acting like a football team, at least, not as we know it, Jim.

What's new to say? Nothing. We’ve seen it all before, week after week after week after week. They go out onto the pitch and implement the manager's plans to stop the opposition. Beyond that? Well, something may turn up. Who could blame an employee if their enthusiasm dips when faced with such working conditions, and uninspiring line managers? What do you do in that situation? You and I give our line managers what they want and nothing more. We follow their orders and get paid on time. Then either the management changes or we change job.

A dangerous land, no time to delay, we're at the deadwood stage where we may slip-slide away.

Sorry, I forgot we're under orders to be positive aren't we? Ok, let's be positive: Town are improving excrementally under Russell Slade. Yeah!


Not as awful as Russell Slade's ball and chain.

Unlike their official opponents, Morecambe had worked on ways to attack. You could call this a tactical plan, or a method. You may say that, I couldn't possibly comment.

They had the discipline and organisation to deal with Dembele and Town's corners. That's all they needed to do and they did it. Well done.

They aren't much cop, but their cop is better than our cop at the moment. They aren't the worst team seen at Blundell Park this season, but their lack of money may sink them. Likely to be fluttering and flirting with the bottom feeders.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

This Town is coming like a ghost town. Fans won't come no more.

Official warning

Mr A Backhouse

The preening pastelist has been working till he's musclebound, all night long with skin-tight shirt showcasing his mighty biceps. He could probably feel the steaming rage as it rose around us, so took the easy way out and didn't make any daft decisions anywhere near the penalty areas. This euphemistic official was barely an actor in this park kick-about mysteriously played out under FA regulations: 6.666

Readers' digest

Town went for a pre-match dip in Chapman's Pond. They were never seen again.

In a word: abysmal


Town: Kean, Davies, Collins, Clarke, Mills, Woolford, Rose (Jaiyesimi 83), Summerfield, Dembele, Jones (Hooper 61), Matt (Vernon 76 )

Subs not used: Killip, K Osborne, Dixon, Berrett

Booked: Summerfield

Morecambe: Roche, McGowan, Old, Müller, Lavelle, Conlan, Kenyon, Rose, Lang (Wildig 61), Olive, Ellison (Thompson 90)

Subs not used: Maher, Brough, Lund, Campbell, McGurk

Booked: Lavell, Kenyon