Match stats: Grimsby v Forest Green Rovers

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 4 August 2018

Division 4

Grimsby Town 1 Rose (31 pen)

Forest Green Rovers 4 Winchester (51), Collins og (67), Doidge (70, 83)

Attendance: 5879 (72 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: John Welsh

Embarrassed to receive some plonk being the leaders of the plonkers, but the sponsors spoke for England.

Cod Almighty man of the match: John Welsh

He was only doing his job, but John Welsh stood out in the cowfield of cobblers around him. He got stuck in and looked like he was about to get stuck in to his team-mates too.

Our gaffer says

"I didn’t like any aspect of our performance during the game. I think we were fortunate to go in 1-0 up, and we said that at half time. We tried to address it, but whether it was the occasion or the expectation that’s been piled onto the players remains to be seen."

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Their gaffer says

"There was the ridiculous penalty decision given against us but we kept playing and I thought we fully deserved to get the three points."

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St Michael is fallible after all.

Pre-season is a time to fine-tune the machine, to tweak and twiddle and optimise your time horizons, as management consultants would say. In pre-season Town played patient possession football with a paranoid obsession with avoiding any fly-kicks and hoofs downfield. It was the antithesis of Sladian anti-football. Wing-backs energetically danced up and down the flanks, the midfield shuffled and shuttled, hunting and shunting in packs with controlled aggression. It wasn’t perfect, but it was perfectly fine.

It took Town all of three seconds to lump it long. The wing-backs froze betwixt and between, neither defending nor attacking. Rose in particular drifted around, leaving Clifton exposed and Welsh isolated when hunting high and low.

The players did the opposite of what they’d been told to do and been doing in their practice games.

Oh dear St Michael, why did you do it? Dixon and Cook hardly featured pre-season, yet played in front of those who had. Dixon is no wing-back – there was no verve, he’s a chipper not a chaser. Cook. He was a minor pest occasionally in that he hassled them a couple of times, like a stray dog at a Sunday league game. Hooper yet again showed that he believes football is a non-contact sport.

And then the defence kept imploding when not even challenged.

Everything, yes, everything that could go wrong did. Complacency? Hubris? A lack of mental strength? Well, we shall see. Or rather, rather less of us will see after that horrorshow of nittwittery and nothingness.

Town managed to hammer themselves.


They are young, and claim to be green, I’m sure they keep their teeth nice and clean. They’re alright.

Tactically astute with an assertive keeper, the Village Green Preservation Society refused to refuse to accept the freebies on offer. They looked dangerous until they had to shoot, but recognising their opponents' failings Jolley’s jellyfish adjusted accordingly and let them walk the ball into the net.

They look like mid-tablers, heavily reliant upon Reid and Brown for some va-va-voom. This result was all about us, not them. Why should they look a gift horse in the mouth and say hard cheese?

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

Today, Matthew, Mr Purple’s moodface was deep crimson, turning purple round the edges.

Official warning

Mr M Coy (Co Durham)

The repeating day tripper was a bit too Mr Barraclough when dealing with transparent time-wasting when the firm hand of Mr Mackay would have been in order, but overall he had no impact on this stodgy porridge of a game. He even shared our pain at the evolving dissolving of Jolley’s New Model Army. Let him walk away with a straight 7.00.

Readers' digest

Hope and gory.


Town: McKeown; Davis (Vernam 71), Whitmore, Collins; Clifton, Rose, Welsh, Woolford (Hessenthaler 62), Dixon (Hall-Johnson 62); Cook, Hooper

Subs not used: Famewo, Fox, Robles, Russell

Booked: Woolford

Forest Green Rovers: Sanchez; Shephard, Rawson, Gunning, Mills; Brown (Digby 70), James, Winchester; Reid, Doidge, Williams (Archibald 63)

Subs not used: Campbell, Collins, Grubb, Hollis, Montgomery

Booked: Mills