Match stats: Grimsby v Yeovil Town

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 1 September 2018

Division 4

Grimsby Town 0

Yeovil Town 1 Patrick (78)

Attendance: 4284 (72 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Charles Vernam

Slim Charles Vernam was a buzzy busy bee for half an hour. Let's draw a veil over the anodyne, anonymous second half, where he just didn't try hard enough to grow six inches.

Cod Almighty man of the match: No-one

The honourable Charles Vernam ran around most spiffingly in the first half, like a Daryl Clare tribute act. And that's it. There is nothing more to it than that.

Our gaffer says

What you said, but with pre-watershed words: "We're not a team that wants to just sling the ball forward directly, particularly when you've got a guy who's 6ft 5ins – he was just eating those up.

"We needed to be more inventive, in terms of creating chances, and we didn't do well enough with that in the second half, and we need to improve."

In other words, booo, Jolleys, sort it.

Their gaffer says

The Green Man Way was certain about the possibility that Jolley's appliance of the science of running around and eating things wasn't up to scratch: "We knew that they would probably tire and we would get that opportunity with the squad that we've got at the moment.

"It's important that we keep our feet on the ground, stay humble, keep working hard, keep the togetherness going, keep appreciating our supporters because they're doing a great job at the moment for the team, and as I've said we're all in this together."

More on this

Us

A left-back at right-back; a centre-back at left-back; a left winger on the right; a right-footed centre-forward on the left; a left-back replacing a right-footed centre-forward who played on the left; a central midfielder replacing a centre-back after conceding a goal.

And we wonder why they are sorry they hadn't got a clue.

Town were on the OK side of a decidedly dull first half-hour. Then they weren't. When all else, fails bring on Mitch Rose to chuck longily onto the forehead of the opposition's tallest player.

St Michael of Jolley didn't want them to play Sladian hoofball. They played Sladian hoofball. A lot of work and not much progress yet.

Them

Big. Strong. Big. Quick. Hello to their new signings: Big, Quick and Strong. And hair.

Last's year vintage cider was pretty flat and flimsy. This year's harvest has benefited from copious crop spraying to be an Imp-lite copy of Dannyboy's bashers and battlers.

Town proved conclusively that Sowumni can head the ball. DJ Jinky proved conclusively that he'll never score at Blundell Park.

Yeovil look far too physically strong to apple crumble into the Bananarama.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

The ennui is not yet terminal, but there is need for some medical assistance to keep the aspidistra flying.

Official warning

Mr T Bramall (S Yorks)

An inconsistent fellow, being mostly fine, then failing to favour homesteaders when push came to shove. Especially inside the penalty area. The Hendrie tumble was either a penalty or a booking for diving, not neither. The indecision of a non-decision was a footballing elision and, after pondering with precision, his score is 5.998.

Readers' digest

Charles Vernam ran around. Charles Vernam stopped running around. Nothing happened. They scored. This is the end.

In a word: incoherent

Line-ups

Town: McKeown; Hendrie, Davis (Rose 81), Whitmore, Famewo; Woolford (Clifton 61), Welsh, Hessenthaler, Hooper (Fox 65); Vernam, Cook

Subs not used: Russell, Embleton, Wright, Robles

Booked: Welsh, Cook

Yeovil Town: Baxter, Mugabi, Sowunmi , Warren, Dickinson, Green (Olomola 56), Pattison, D'Almeida, Arquin, DJ Jinky (Patrick 66), Fisher (Gray 82)

Subs not used: Phillips, Rogers, Santos, Henry

Booked: Warren, D’Almeida