Match stats: Grimsby v Port Vale

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 6 October 2018

Division 4

Grimsby Town 2 Thomas (1), Hooper (53)

Port Vale 0

Attendance: 3842 (203 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Who knows?

To tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track of the corporate schmoozmobile as it glided towards its target for faraway laughter.

Cod Almighty man of the match: Reece Hall-Johnson

The triumvirate of tiny tots on the right were a delight, but the pace and power of Reece Hall-Johnson brought sensational adequacy to both defending and attacking. The right right-back and things were alright.

Our gaffer says

This week's enigmatic variation on an original theme is:

"We're not going to be an overnight success – I think we're going to grow and improve, and if people can give us the time to go through that process then I think we can be much better over the longer term."

He's happy, hope you're happy too.

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Their gaffer says

The mouldy old doughball added to his long, long history Newellesque nutterings:

"To get abuse from some Grimsby director, or someone standing there with a Grimsby tie on, giving you abuse on the way off, I won't accept that."

So, he will accept abuse from someone without a tie on? Or sitting down with a tie on?

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There's more to Grimsby than joyrides and dreaming of bungalows in the countryside.

Today, Matthew, St Michael got the balance right, especially on the right. Embleton and Hall-Johnson were a clued-up combination, combining with Clifton, covering each other and covering much of this earth. Hall-Johnson gave an exemplary exhibition of fullbackyness and Little Harry was the grit in the road, stopping Town freezing up when the chill winds blew. Embleton has a certain bustling something.

It helped that Collins stopped running backwards to Christmas and stood his ground.

Town were largely untroubled and occasionally troubled the vimless Valiants. They did enough and we, just this once, will overlook the infuriating ephemeral flutterings of Hooperman and the right honourable Slim Charles Vernam.

If someone insists you have two chocolate biscuits with your afternoon tea, it's rude to say no.


The purple daze didn't know whether they were coming up or down.

A right gloop of mundane poop. Why did they play with one old striker alone atop the withering tree? Why am I bothered about their insane cautionary tactics?

Pope was just a thinner, ineffective Fat Matt Rhead, all arm-locks and feigned knocks. Everyone else? Utterly unmemorable, just colourless cardboard cut-outs moving around in front of a monochrome background, like an old East European tea-time television cartoon filler. They were the hedgehog in the fog.

Lurking deep in their depths are enough striking possibilities to score enough goals to avoid relegation. There are worse teams around.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

The smiles returning to the faces, it seems like months since they've been here.

Official warning

Mr A Haines (Tyne & Wear)

A rather cowardly anti-homer who only peeped in the free-kick free fire zone, ten yards either side of the halfway line. His refusal to see the Popish plot of perpetual headlocks was particularly irksome, as was his blind eye to the perpetual loathsome fouling of the throws. There is no positivity for this low-level nitwittery: 4.989.

Readers' digest

Young hearts run free and we all had ice cream for tea. With a cherry on top.

In a word: ample


Town: McKeown; Hall-Johnson, Whitmore, Collins, Hendrie; Embleton, Clifton, M Rose, Hooper (Woolford 81); Vernam (A Rose 87), Thomas

Subs not used: Russell, Dixon, Hessenthaler, Pringle, Robles

Booked: Whitmore

Port Vale: Brown, Rawlinson, Legge, Smith, Clark, Worrall (Whitfield 78), Conlon, Kay (Joyce 86), Hardcastle (Miller h/t), Hannant, Pope

Subs not used: Hornby, Vassell, Dodds, Kanu

Booked: Kay