Match stats: Grimsby v Mansfield Town

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Tuesday 1 January 2019

Division 4

Grimsby Town 0

Mansfield Town 1 Bishop (22)

Attendance: 5931 (865 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Jake Hessenthaler

The Hess was rewarded for ubiquity so has another bottle of plonk for posterity.

Cod Almighty man of the match: Reece Hall-Johnson and Luke Hendrie

In context they were jointly wonderful, for they looked simply safe and sound in their sweeping. An unobservant observer wouldn’t have noticed that they were misplaced jigsaw puzzlers.

Our gaffer says

Three points lost: they took the game, but they could not take his pride. Mr Jolley counted his defenders, listed the facts of lower-league life and noted: "And yet, despite all that, our players gave absolutely everything they had to try and get a result from the game. We’ve got a team that is absolutely giving everything for the cause, and I think the supporters can hopefully see that.”

Some hope.

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Their gaffer says

Oh dear, yet another one who ate magic mushroom risotto as his pre-match meal. With no sense of logic or proportion Flatulent Flitcroft pulled verbal white rabbits out of his top hat: "I thought the three lads at the back were outstanding… It was a brilliant squad performance."

Mate, what do you think was going to happen against a team with two right-backs and two reserve midfielders in defence?

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They did their best, they tried their hardest. Who could ask for anything more? Basic facts tell you everything: Town only conceded one goal to the division’s strongest, most in-form team, with Mitch Rose at right-back, Foxtrotter Andy ill and two right-backs in the middle of the defence.

Hall-Johnson and Hendrie were heroically magnificent. Hess and Little Harry were superb, our very own H blocks down the centre. Woolford and Mitch Rose, well, they did their best, they tried their hardest.

There wasn’t much more to Town than a collective will to survive, and they nearly did. Hail the hearty heroes.


Oddly sedate at the start, strangely static after they scored, they really didn’t have the gumption to take advantage of opponents stuck together with odd bits of old sellotape and wine gums.

Tyler Walker makes them, he’s two notches above everyone else. The rest are strong, fast, organised and willing to wail and waste time 'professionally'.

Staggeringly confident and competent. With Walker they will go up automatically; without Walker they are simply a very strong team that should get promoted. If they are still playing us next season then they should be ashamed of themselves for avoiding success.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

After the festive unwrapping, happy to avoid a slapping.

Official warning

Mr M Donohue (Manchester)

I’ve never had a such a feeling of complete and utter indifference as I do tonight for the laddie in red. He could have made decisions that made us happier. He could have made decisions that made us angrier. He made decisions, some rotten, some fine. He was just a little kinder to Mansfield than to Town in interpreting the pratfalls and catcalls. Vernam’s midnight tumble was a post-tug act of desperation; Mellis’s masquerade was just a compromise decision.

Why get het up about nothing of consequence: 6.876.

Readers' digest

They came, they bored, they conquered.

In a word: hearty


Town: McKeown, M Rose, Hendrie, Hall-Johnson, Fox (Woolford h/t), Cardwell (Vernam 79), Hessenthaler, Clifton, Embleton, Pringle (A Rose 62), Thomas

Subs not used: Russell, Pollock, Cook, Welsh

Booked: M Rose

Mansfield Town: Logan, White, Pearce, Preston, Benning, Sweeney, Mellis, Bishop, Hamilton, D Rose (Elsnik 62), Walker

Subs not used: Kean, Atkinson, Butcher, Khan, Graham, Law

Booked: Sweeney