The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

Two spoons in every soup

14 September 2020

Three, five, zero, one, two, five go! Transmission.

Or is that the code to get into the toilets at work? Ah, nostalgia, it's not what it used to be.

Well, hellllloooooo. It's the morning after the night following the afternoon of Town's latest pre-season friendly, where a mixed team of youthers and creakers ran out of puff and ached to a narrow defeat to a full-strength Partizan Warsaw.

What? You mean that was the real thing? That ain't nothing like the real thing, they're babies.

Yes, your tired and unemotional Deviant Diary is shocked, shocked to find that proper man's proper football has started already; and was shocked and stunned when he saw the team sheet. To quote Butch, or was it Sundance, "Who are those guys?"

The one in the white straw boater, that's Öhman, right, but who are the pixalating pixies?

Were you iFollowing? Did you see all the weakness, did you pick all the faults? Did you get the drift? You can see all the cold facts here.

Oh dear, it was all a bit of a mis-matched mess. After the delays in returning to training, signings and arranging pre-season games our gnome named Grimble-Grumble, director of this that and the other, was moved to observe: "We looked like we'd just met each other to be honest."

I wonder what he meant by that?

Let's hope amidst all his wining and fine dining he's biding his time so that one day we can say hooray. Maybe even before the clocks go back. This year. Look, we're being positive, John.

With this world-beating government of total Moonshots who knows what tomorrow brings. One day it's oven-ready that we'll be back in the Pontoon soon, the next day it's put off for a month, or two, or three. But it'll definitely be all over by Christmas. Deffo. Especially if they pass a law that says so. Trust me, I'm a spin doctor. The law is, after all, just like The Bullingdon Club's monthly meeting: a moveable feast for some little oik to clear up later.

Maybe Town have been planning on the basis that the season will just go up in a puff of smoke and be erased from history. That would explain many things, grasshopper. We'll leave the season ticket non-refunds for another diarist on another day: we'll get by, we always have before.

We need something to cheer us up. After the Mariners' mundanity here comes the hilarity - continental slappings ahoy! Karate Kid vs Is Paris Saint Germain burning?

Let's chill, for Town only lost in a very limited and specific way. Call in three months time, we'll be fine.