The buck stops here

Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Tony Butcher

8 November 2020

Dagenham & Redbridge 3 Grimsby Town 1

So just when is he going to make Grimsby great again? He did promise a chicken in every pot last week.

Is this the Daggers we see before three? Only if the wi-fi works. It's a free hit for a tenner – it'll be like shooting fish in the bottom of the Conference barrel.

Load up the shotguns.

First half – In your heart you hope he's right

And now we meet in the abandoned studio. They kicked off. The screen froze. I hear the noise of a cockney chirping and a comedian punting. Ah yes, the art of noise: video never did kill the radio stars.

And we're back with poise if not purpose. Tip. Tap. Tip. Tap. Tip. Tip. I have a tip, just skip on to next season.

We can't rewind we've gone too far, the pictures came and broke our heart. Big Kenny Clark did the bump over Green, Balanta grazed, Wilson did some Northern Soul past the prosaic Pollock to swerve a poke around McKeown.

Ah, now I see the problems that the commentators see. Oh-a-oh-a. It's not the first time. Was Green just felled in the penalty area?

Tip. Tap. Tip. Tap. Where's the snap? I may just take a nap.

A Town cross to nowhere, c'mon inside next time.

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping. Tip. Tap. Tip. Tap.

Green bounded freely down the left, caressed between keeper and near post and the ball arced past the farthest post. Now that's what I call missing.

Where are the Dagenham Girl Pipers these days? Town piled on the pleasure. Oh so many tips were tapped I kinda lost count in all the excitement. Corners here, corners there. Green ducked and Justham just managed to flip over. Waterfall volleyed and a blue bottom blocked. Green eggs and Justham! Scrambles and scuffles and the persistent paint dryers slap-smacked into the custardian's mittens.

Honest, able and fearless Wilson ran off and rolled across the face of goal. Yes, a return to normalcy.

Superficially suave and dominant but what pretty powderpuffery this is. Town were just so unlucky that all our chances fell to our players.

Second half - In your guts you know he's nuts

Neither team made any changes at half time.

Tip, tap and the occasional clap.

And then you find 10 minutes have got behind you. Someone tell him where to run. Gordon Bennett could have been the catalyst that sparks the revolution but a woefully weak chip from a central free kick sailed into Justham's awaiting hands.

What a waste. What a waste. What a waste. What a waste.

We're wasting our time watching pictures at an exhibition of still life.

Hang on, what's this? A punt, a shunt and Green fell as Clark fell foul of the penalty clause. Windsor mumbled low and left just under Justham's fingernails

Happy days are here again for the skies above are clear again - we are turning the corner!

Yeah, right. Town stand more chance against Four Seasons Total Landscaping XI

After running away from danger and hiding from every stranger Angelo Balanta was replaced by the sophisticated but sinuous George Saunders. Well, he was hurt.

Williams replaced Green. I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

Ooh they had a shot. Deering dragging, Jamie Mack lagging his pipes for winter. You never can tell when a cold snap is coming, best not to get caught out.

Town passing, Daggers flossing their teeth. Waterfall slip-slapped against Rose in the middle of nowhere, Brundle bundled on and Wilson slapped agin the outside of the leftist of posts with Patrick McGoohan a prisoner of his own device.

Town passing, Daggers amassing behind blue eyes and Town's cup dreams are as empty as the terraces seem to be. Clifton bedraggled Are we still wild about Harry?

Offside replaced Windsor with what may have been 10 years left.

Town passing, passing, passing without purpose. Williams crossed through the six-yard box watched from afar by admiring acquaintances. Williams slapped into the the Hackney Marshes via blue bottoms.

More irrelevant change as Rose became Scannell.

'Ere, stop messing about. Saunders scribbled just wide after dilly-dally-dithering. Brundle trundled wayly over after a Moreton mess-up.

As we entered the twilight zone beyond the 90th minute Hendrie sliced slightly wide from slightly beyond Birnam Wood. Will this ever end? Just one question, how are we going to lose this?

Like this.

Slackness followed laxness as Moreton wallowed in mud on the edge of the Town area. Knicked away and Town knocked out as Wilson walked away to slap beyond the flailing fingers of Shane McGowan.

There is a second sting to this fairytale bow. Jumping, dumping and slumping as they broke away from a vague pump, Weston wriggled, Pollock niggled and Brundle blasted.

This is the end.

Town had the ball and the Daggers had a ball exploiting the spaces between fishermen's friends. This Town look nice and are very nice to play against. Words are just noise, where's the substance?

There is nothing new to say, except that this time Town were playing the bottom club in the Conference.

Still, at least we made 'em work hard for their win, eh.