Match stats: Salford City v Grimsby

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Friday 2 April 2021

Division 4

Salford City 1 Touray (88)

Grimsby Town 1 Clifton (2)

Attendance: 0 (0 away fans)

Cod Almighty man of the match: Giles Coke and Jay Matete

Little Harry was heading for the blue plaque, but his tactical slackness when moved to right-wing led to a series of unfortunate events taking us on a slippery slope back to the Grim Grotto. There was a lot of focused running around but Coke and Matete were simply superior to the Vanity Projectors' assortment of mufflers and shufflers.

Our gaffer says

Now here's a man who wasn't a fan of Celebrity Stares. Exasperated at egregious officiating, the artist formerly known as Shorty kept his verbal shape and kept it tight with his cryptic critical comments:

"I know there are some famous names sat in that stand over there. Not a crowd influencing him."

More on this

Their gaffer says

The next man to be sacked by the Flabtastic Four looks like the owner of a skip hire chain but talks cobblers:

"… but I thought in the second half the players responded and deserved the draw."

More on this



If only.

If only we'd had this team, this manager from September.

If only we'd had any ref but this one.

If only we still had free school milk and if I ruled the world every day would be the first day of spring.

Town were mostly excellent; a team with a plan, with purpose and with heart. The middle of the middle staunch, Lamy a pest, Payne a human block on Touray, and Lennie, well, Lennie is Lennie. A large, strong, lumbering man who is usually unaware of his actions and surroundings, his favourite thing to do is pet soft things.

Another win lost.


They really were nothing at all. Still, their employees all picked up a meaty-beaty big and bouncy pay packet, so that's nice for them.

This Salford Boys Club was much less than the sum of its parts, and no method at all other than whack it high and chase the bouncing ball. With cardboard cut outs in the stands and in defence, these were rabbits awaiting a stew.

One flashy strike and they remembered that a ref in the hand is worth two in the bush.

What a waste of money.

Official warning

Mr D Bourne

In what orifice was thy brain?

Apart from not sending off Payne for clapping and not giving a penalty for Thomas's dive, there no decision made that was not entirely Salford-centric. The wilful bias was hidden in plain view, the gaslighter's gaslight burning bright. The cringing clarity of his fawning at the feet of the famous should lead to his removal from football. So he'll be in the Premiership next year then.

And what shall we give him on It can only be 1.01, which is also the hotel room we'll put him up in when he comes to Town.


Salford City: Hladky, Clarke (Coutts 75), Eastham, Turnbull, Touray, Hunter (Gotts 63), Lowe, Threkeld, Thomas-Assante, Henderson, Dieseruvwe (Towell 63)

Subs not used: Evans, Bernard, Boyd, Burgess

Booked: Lowe, Touray

Town: McKeown, Hendrie, Hewitt, Menayese, Clifton, Matete, Coke, Lamy (Spokes 88), John-Lewis, Hanson (Green 84), Payne (Habergham 68)

Subs not used: Battersby, Waterfall, Bennett, Williams

Booked: Clifton, Payne, Matete