How good am I? Last week I told you I would get six or seven correct and Coco would get four. As it happens he actually got three but I did get the seven I said I would. I also said Coco would lose his whole fiver, which he did, and that I would make a slight profit. OK, so I actually lost 7p but I was pretty close. I think that was quite a good set of predictions actually. Maybe I could step in for Mystic Mick if ever he needs a week off.
I promised you I would try and have an exciting week this week didn't I? Well, what has happened to me may not have been that interesting but it does give me something to write about. We had a corporate roadshow. I have to be a bit careful what I say about it, partly to make sure I don't break the Official Secrets Act and partly because I know some of my work colleagues now read this. Actually, there is little chance of me breaking the OSA because I didn't understand a bloody word that was said at the roadshow, it was mostly a load of old corporate management bollocks.
We were carted off to Sandown Park in coaches, it felt a lot like a school trip actually. It's a lovely racecourse though is Sandown. The course itself looked good, the facilities there are excellent and throughout the corridors of the grandstand building are a number of signs displaying helpful jargon busting information, results of famous races there or a bit of history on some of the most famous horses to have run there. But did I get any time to take in the wonder of one of the homes of the sport of kings? Did I bollocks! We were herded into a large conference room with a few hundred chairs set out in rows like a school assembly and subjected to a dull Powerpoint presentation. The curtains were drawn, blocking out the view of the parade ring and the final furlong. There may not have been any horses running but the sight of some grass growing would have been more interesting then the presentation.
To be fair to whoever put the presentation together there was a distinct lack of clipart. But that is about the only good thing that can be said for it. Most of it was given by the MD of our division, a charisma-less turd who often gets a bit flustered when public speaking and starts to babble, but his babble always manages to be offensive. He doesn't call us all a bunch of motherfuckers or anything, not that sort of offensive. But his babble this time round included how he and other senior managers were going out that night on a booze-up to celebrate how well the division had done with a certain project and that would be the highlight of his day. A good thing to tell the troops that, "Well done with that project guys. Me and a load of other blokes who have had nothing to do with it are going out tonight to drink away all the profits you made. Congratulations." Twat!
And then there was the management buzzwords. We were keeping a tally of the number of times words like synergy, leveraging and the such were mentioned but we lost count. Sorry. At least this time we didn't get organagrams like we did last year. There was a lot more three-letter acronyms (TLAs) this time round though. I understood about one word in three overall I think and I've been here for over four years. I dread to think how little some of the new starters understood.
I did manage to heckle a few times though. At one point during the presentation we were shown some footage of a demo made to one of our potential customers. It showed a simulation of allied forces moving through a corridor in the battlespace to take out some hostile forces. The guy giving this bit of the roadshow (not our MD) pointed out, in a rather too excited manner, that the demo showed we took out the hostiles without losing any blue forces, to which I said (rather louder than intended) "Oh good, we didn't get the Americans involved then." This guy also said they had had to change the soundtrack that went with one of the video segments because he had been told that the original soundtrack sounded like it was taken from a porn film. So I sat there saying "Ja! Oh ja! Ja!" at points throughout the video. I don't really see why they changed the soundtrack though. After all, the video did show a handyman trying to help a woman whose central heating was faulty and was permanently switched to maximum, at least I assume that is why they were both naked and she kept talking about his tool.
There you go, that's better than last week isn't it? I do have an update on the Superstars thingy though. The events have been decided now. They are 100m sprint, throwing a cricket ball, penalty shoot-out, pub arcade golf, darts, pool, killer minesweeper and network battleships. So three events in the park, three in the boozer and two in the office. I have been voted out of the minesweeper event though, which is a bit gutting because I kick arse at that game. Although my current favourite is Dope Wars. I got 31 million on that the other day, miles better than anyone else on my team.
I suppose I should get on with what I am supposed to be doing, eh? It's another reduced list this week because of the international matches. They have accounted for all the fixtures in both the English and Scottish top flights as well as most of the fixtures in Division 1. So it's just ten tips each again for me and the pin-sticking primate.
Norwich v Watford
Woking v Dag & Red
Bournemouth v Peterborough
Huddersfield v Hull
QPR v Plymouth
Chester v Barnet
Darlington v Lincoln
Bournemouth v Peterborough
Carlisle v Mansfield
Reading v Milwall
Cambridge v Oxford
Oldham v Swindon
Yeovil v Southend
Barnsley v Tranmere
Chester v Barnet
Hereford v Margate
Telford v Leigh RMI
Blackpool v Chesterfield
Hereford v Margate
Gillingham v Wimbledon
Once more I had to drop the cut-off level to below 500 in order to get the required number of teams. It's something I'm not too happy about doing but needs must when the devil does whatever it is he is supposed to do. Coco doesn't care though, he'll just stick his pin wherever he wants, sometimes in rather inappropriate places. Here's the bets for this weekend.
Perm 3 from 5
Norwich, QPR, Mansfield, Yeovil and Telford
Woking, Barnet, Reading/Millwall, Barnsley and Blackpool
Perm 3 from 5
Bournemouth, Lincoln, Oxford, Chester and Hereford
Huddersfield/Hull, Bournemouth, Swindon, Hereford/Margate and Gillingham/Wimbledon
Another week where my return is much closer to Coco's than it usually is. Is this going to be the weekend where I finally overtake him in some fantastically stylish big profit manner? I doubt it to be honest, but I should close the gap some more. I'll be ahead of him in a couple of weeks, no worries. Then I can concentrate on getting back into the black.
Last week Town upset me by winning. That means I have to go to Peterborough the weekend after my birthday, which is not ideal. Will Town upset me this week by losing? Not according to my system, which rates the game against Stockport at 299. By no means a staggering home victory, more a 1-0 win for the Mariners I reckon.
Another week done then. It was a bit easier to get through today compared to last week. Although I was interrupted by some urgent work for a few hours this afternoon which means it is quite late on Friday evening as I write. Best get down the pub I reckon. See you next week.
To see how my tips performed this week compared to Coco's click here