Cod Almighty - Diary - February 2010

daily independent coverage of Grimsby Town FC

Diary - February 2010

Friday 26 February
Deviant Diary writes: He's old, he's ugly, he's honest Nick: the creaking keeper doesn't hold his hands up but will bounce back. Oh, and like Peter Mandelson, he's a fighter not a quitter, though possibly without the camp tearfulness, missus. Wait... wait... wait... here it is... no Nick, that's bounced back to the subs bench, for Town have signed Mark Oxley from 'Ull on loan. So it's Captain Peacock tomorrow. Are you free to go to Dagenham?

All the way from cock-er-nee land comes a mildly miffed missive from Big Al, your Deviant Diary's Dagger's Pal. "Welcome to our shiny new away end, where you will enjoy the best facilities in the ground � bar under the stands with big screen tvs and good views without the sun in your eyes � we home supporters get a terrace with no bogs, no bar and, to top it off burned retinas" The sun always shines for the Barking boys who have signed a Folly. Will Town cage the Folly? History repeats itself, first as tragedy then as camp farce.

And today's local news is still dominated by the Mithering Scouser's moment of clarity, a sudden remembrance of things in the past. But what is memory anyway but the shuffle on an idle iPod? It's the footballing equivalent of chasing ambulances. Do you think he's going to sue The Plough in Tetney for the emotional turmoil when they ran out of salted peanuts? Idiots, they're idiots he'll tell you.

Shall we just wait and see?

Thursday 25 February
Armchair Diary writes: Yesterday, your regular Diary wanted to ask Fentycon whether he was right with all his managerial appointments and today JF(C) must be asking himself the very same question as the news of Newell's lawsuit against the club breaks. The official writ document will be printed in full in today's Telewag apparently but as I live over 200 miles from their circulation area I'll have to make do with the details on their website. The fans can get a glimpse of what went on behind the scenes during Newell's stint as manager but I can't help but wondering if any of this is actually shock news. It's a small town club run by small town businessmen and it has been alleged for many years that the board were in it for the gin and tonic as much as anything else; those rumours were doing the rounds back when Bill Carr was chairman. We've all seen Fenty's emotional outbursts when someone on a messageboard dares to criticise him so would it be any surprise if Fenty turns out to be an angry drunk?

For me the most interesting part concerns the various sums of money quoted in the lawsuit. A basic salary of �1265 a week doesn't seem like much for a football manager. OK, that is just his basic wage and we don't know too much about the bonuses he would have had in his contract but he wouldn't have got much from win bonuses, although more than Neil Woods has, admittedly. And what's this "player transfer compensation fee" he's claiming? It sounds like hush money to me, a way for Fenty to shut him up while the club sell his best players out from under him. Maybe this is common in lower league football, who knows? How Newell can claim that 25 grand when Bennett was sold after he was sacked is puzzling me though. Will he try and claim his win bonus next time the Mariners win a game? And if Newell was on that salary what does it say about the players' wages? You have to assume (or at least I do) that the gaffer will be on more than his players so they must be on a basic wage of say �1000 a week, max. If the Diary's right about clubs like Macclesfield, Accrington and Dagenham then their players will only be on three or four hundred a week. That ain't much. Who'd be a footballer, eh?

One final word on managers before we move on: Russell Slade is still looking for a job after missing out on the Bradford post. With Town having gone 24 games without a win, will Fenty sack Woods in a drunken rage this weekend and re-appoint Slade? Stranger things have happened.

Let's talk a bit about players now. Robbie Stockdale played an hour of the reserve's team 3-1 victory over York yesterday with Ashley Chambers among the goals, which is handy as he's been moaning about a lack of first-team games so perhaps he'll figure at the weekend against Dagenham and Redbridge. The youth team also showed the senior squad how it's done, dishing out a 6-0 drubbing to Mansfield. Rumours that Woods will be picking this weekend's starting XI from the youths and reserves are probably unfounded bearing in mind I just started them but you never know. Our opponents this weekend have signed Yoan Folly on loan from Plymouth so expect him to feature this weekend. And if he does well expect the tabloid hacks to make something of the fact that Grimsby Town are nicknamed The Mariners and Paul Mariner is boss of Plymouth Argyle. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Finally, do you remember jug-eared Andy Parkinson? He's joined Daryl Clare at Gateshead but I'm buggered if I can find where I read that earlier so you'll just have to trust me on that one.

Wednesday 24 February
Hello folks. It's your original Diary back here again, for one day only. I was here in 2002 so I don't need to have a special Diary name, in the same way the UK doesn't need to print "the UK" on its postage stamps and the FA is just called the FA, not the EFA or whatever.

Do you want to know about last night? It was rubbish. The Diary suspects that, for many supporters, Town's failure to beat Macclesfield, after failing to beat Lincoln, will be the moment we lose belief and resign ourselves to non-League football next season. There've been far worse performances, of course, and a margin of only five points between the Mariners and Torquay or whoever is far from insurmountable. But the great question is, of course, how it might be surmounted, and if there is a purpose to Tommy Wright, it's a purpose that certainly eludes the Diary. Can Jamie Devitt play as a striker?

Macclesfield, of course, are a club with perhaps half the support of GTFC, but one that lives within their means (and treats their fans with respect, which means the fans do some great fundraising stuff). GTFC, meanwhile, subsidised by the increasing debt to John Fenty (Con), pay more than the club can afford for the likes of Wright to continue their underachieving careers in Cleethorpes, only to be eclipsed year after year by clubs such as Macclesfield, Accrington and Dagenham � all of whom spend a lot less money on wages. How many times do Town's pampered temps have to be outfought and outplayed by players earning a third of what they earn for Fenty to realise that his benefactor model isn't working?

If you'd like to ask Fenty (Con) that question yourself, or indeed any other, your luck might be in, as the Town chairman has announced that he'll be doing one of those question and answer type things on the public interwebs next Monday night. Albeit he's announced it at only six days' notice, but you can't have everything. The Diary already has a few questions lined up.

Should you have done more to retain the services of Russell Slade as manager in 2006?
Were you wrong to appoint Graham Rodger as Slade's successor, or wrong to sack him?
Were you wrong to appoint Alan Buckley as Rodger's successor, or wrong to sack him?
Were you wrong to appoint Mike Newell as Buckley's successor, or wrong to sack him?
Were you wrong to appoint Neil Woods as Newell's successor? If so, when will you sack him?

It could be an entertaining night.

Finally today, Wes Fletcher has fulfilled the expectations of him formed by most Town fans on his arrival at Blundell Park by apparently having returned to Burnley after only having started one match. I hope he has a nice career.

Tuesday 23 February
Mardy Diary writes: So Town take on Macclesfield tonight in what is already being dubbed as Super Soccer Special Tuesday Must Win League Two Six-pointer Special, by someone or other. You know the drill, I expect � Town really need to beat Macclesfield, then if Cheltenham beat Torquay, or Torquay draw with Cheltenham, or Notts County explode in a spasm of improbability taking three other teams with them, then we're safe. Until Saturday. At which point we need to see if the moon is aligned with Pluto and do some kind of weird dance. Or pay the ref. Whatever happens � that is what will be. Some are saying we must beat Macclesfield, I just think we must beat someone, and someone else, and perhaps a couple of other people. Easy.

Yesterday's Idle diary asked what your preferred outcome of the match between Cheltenham and Torquay would be � and some of you have actually bothered to write in. Bless ya. Tony Butcher would prefer that "both teams fail to turn up and are deducted 3 points" or "in a mass brawl three players from each side are sent off for punching the referee and/or linesman (Season to taste) An FA enquiry deducts five points from each team." It's a nice idea, and one also thought of by Michael Shelton who suggests: "0-0 and a mass brawl necessitating the referee to issue each team with 7 red cards and subsequently 7 players to suffer long suspensions. Ideally, could the brawl be sparked by some horrible tackles causing 3 month (but not career-threatening) injuries to several other first-team players. Oh, and in the aftermath of the brawl is there any chance we could have horrendous crowd trouble, punishable by point deductions for both teams concerned?" My preferred option is that Torquay should be relocated to Gloucestershire and both clubs merged and renamed after their new sponsor, Cheltenham & Gloucester Building Society, thus freeing up an extra space in the league for Town to take. But will those EU bureaucrats at Football League headquarters pay any attention to such lucid plans? Will they? No, they don't listen to real fans � too busy straightening bananas, I don't think! Write to your MP immediately � this is a government outrage and just another example of Brown's Broken Britain blah blah blah blah.

Actually, I think we need to win, don't we?

In other news, Jamie Clarke is now not playing at York, as opposed to not playing at Grimsby. Exciting stuff. The Telegraph then points out to us, ha ha, that Jamie Clarke could be playing in, get this, a higher league than Town next season � ha! I don't think so, really.

See you on the other side.

Monday 22 February
Idle Diary writes: "I don't know what has gone on at Grimsby at the start of this season but they are far better than their position. They will cause a lot of teams problems in the rest of this season I'm sure." So reckons Lincoln manager Chris Sutton in the wake of Saturday's breathless 2-2 draw, declining to comment on referee Mark Haywood's performance. The match official will cause a lot more teams problems if his display at Blundell Park is anything to go by. Anyone think that wasn't a penno decision at the end? Thought not. Register your disapproval at Haywood's incompetence with this handy online petition. If we get enough signatures, maybe we can march to number 10 and DEMAND JUSTICE. It might also help with the suffering. Might, mind.

The biggest shame the ref took centre stage is the detraction the idiot provided from an excellent Lee 'Predator' Peacock performance. And if the two goals in "the Lincolnshire battle for pride" weren't enough alone to endear the strutting 'cock to the Town faithful, the spiky-haired one's straight talking manner about the Club's Precarious League Situation certainly hits the mark: "We can't say to the fans 'be patient, we'll get out of it'. It's beyond that now and it's so long ago since we had a win. We've got to pull our fingers out and start righting our wrongs, and once we get that first win we can start really putting points on the board." Well said, that man! With the gap between Torquay (22nd) and Town (23rd) currently five points, there's an immediate opportunity to grab three points off Macclesfield tomorrow night. And while we'll be tuned into the action from Blundell Park, it's another of the evening's fixtures, Cheltenham (21st) against Torquay, that catches the eye. Not sure I know what would be a good result there... What do you prefer?

Friday 19 February
Armchair Diary writes: Let's start with a bit of team news ahead of the game against Lincoln shall we? Peter Sweeney is banned for this one and the next one after picking up his tenth booking of the season during the week. Mark Hudson wants to play though so that's handy. Neil Woodses, in his usual pre-match interview, has been talking up Jamie Devitt so he ought to figure tomorrow. Peacock has been training but will be assessed before a decision is made as to his involvement. Also Robbie Stockdale is back in full training but not yet 100%. He's only a couple of weeks away at most by the sound of it though. It sounds like everyone is keen to play so it's up to Woodses and his staff now to pick the right players in the right positions and let them get on with it.

The gaffer also emphasised how important it is for the home fans to get behind the team and Town are plugging this Enjoy the Match campaign some PR agency has pulled out of their overpaid arses. Apparently we're not supposed to swear at the football any more. What a load of old bollocks. Although this fella would probably admit now that swearing isn't big or clever.

Lincoln have sold over half their allocation of tickets but apart from that there's not a lot more to tell you, unfortunately. Fentycon hasn't even come out and said this is a big, must-win game even though he's said it so often he could surely use the "I refer the honourable gentleman to my earlier statement" that politicians seem quite fond of. I always think that really means "Look, I've got it right once but if I try it again I'm bound to arse it up and embarrass myself and my party." There are a load of match previews going live around now but none are as good as our pre-match factfile so if I were you I'd just read that and be done with it.

Have a good weekend everyone, and up the Mariners.

Thursday 18 February
Town drew one-all away at Notts County last night. In earlier seasons, your Guest Diarist ruminated over a most unbovine-like bacon roll this morning, that would be a fairly mundane result. Town were very lucky to be only the one goal down. And then we scored on the stroke of half time which galvanised the team, seemingly, in to having a right go in the second period. Like enduring double maths on a Monday morning but getting stuck enthusiastically in to double games after break. Even Leary came on and crashed a thirty five shot against the crossbar with Schmeichel beaten all ends up. Cutlasses clashed with a delicious ringing sound; the deckies grafted until their bodies were raw and Captain Colgan continued to lead by example even after he lost one whole shoulder due to a great accidental save. But Notts are no longer the proud County of old. Their team is the usual fairly sadly average old crew, but now led by a few highly-paid skilled mercenaries paid with filthy bent lucre.

Hang on, I'm no good really at this sort of stuff; my metaphors are so mixed my toes are curling� you need to click this link now to travel to the wonderfully funny and oh-so painfully true and tragic debacle exquisitely described by our friends at ImpsTalk to get a proper dose of comic outrage. The arrival of the ex-Boston "fly-by-night cowboy with a proven track record in the inexplicable annihilation of no-name lower league sides while lending his public support to criminals" has provoked the revival of my favourite ever web site. None other than Jimmy Rodwell is the new Chief Executive at County. A man who tarnishes everything he touches: even the smell of him....no, no more from me, I'll leave it to the master.

Just to finish with last night, your other homework, gentle reader, is to read Sam Metcalf's excellent Cod Almighty match report. Manager Woods gave an informative and articulate post-match interview but our beloved club of course makes you pay to watch it. Woods explained that an unexpected diamond formation caused the massive first half problems and his players got too obsessed with their system instead of matching the opposition in actual play. His half time team talk must have been excellent I reckon.

Lest it be forgot in the mists of time I should record the fact that Town signed a loan player yesterday (and he scored on his debut which makes a change). Jamie Devitt is a young winger who plays for Hull. He's got youth international caps and played for Darlington. He scored for Darlo against Shrewsbury and they were so impressed they took him home to the new Gay Meadow where he scored against ermm Notts County. County seem inescapable today don't they?

Now that's enough of all that � if you haven't done that homework I set then it's your loss. I hope I see yer sometime soon � keep smiling folks, I know I will.

Wednesday 17 February
Team news ahead of tonight's game at Notts County: doubtful to the point of not being considered are Nathan Jarman (toe) and Lee Peacock (who is sporting two very painful black and blue ankles), while Paris Cowan-Hall looks to be out of the picture for a while due to his hamstring injury. Listeners to Radio Humberside last night will have heard Neil Woods reveal that Cowan-Hall's injury has him looking for several more players to come in on loan, one of which will be "a creative midfielder". You can read up ahead of tonight with our pre-match factfile, previewing the game in more detail than is probably necessary.

Tuesday 16 February
Your Idle Diarist was enjoying a lovely evening out last night, celebrating his daughter's birthday, when his mobile phone started to beep away as text messages arrived. Not one. Not two. Not three. Not four. No, there were more still. Over the space of two hours I received eleven text messages from Town fans telling me and asking me about the "Cooper rumour". In case you haven't heard � and you're excused if you haven't as neither had I until 6.30 last night � there are two variations on this latest murmuring.

The first flavour has it that Neil Woods will step down as Town manager today and in will come Mark Cooper, who impressively managed Kettering before leaving for a recent short spell at Peterborough. The second rumour, much a variation on the previous theme, is that if Town fail to beat Notts Conty on Wednesday night, Woods will then step down and Cooper will come in on Thursday. Asking several people in the know, the response to your diarist was "tosh" and "nothing would surprise me". So, no-one really knows.

Is there any truth in it? Would such a move be right? Or are you tired of the bored sweaty palmed message board idiots filling their half term spouting inane amounts of shit rather than getting out and enjoying the real world? At this point should the professional journalists out there, the ones who aren't out in Milan, be asking about this? And if as many as 1000 Town fans are that bothered about next season's kit, what level of response does talk of replacing the manager generate? Do you actually care? Let us know.

Still, looking on the other side of the coin, at least the BBC isn't running it as fact like they did that stupid Hope Powell rumour some fucktard dreamt up.

Monday 15 February
Idle Diary writes: I'll be honest with you. Before Saturday's trip to Bradford, the last time I saw Town play was against the same team at Blundell Park earlier in the season. When was that? Late November? The performance at the weekend was streets ahead of that home performance. Streets. (Not the streets near Valley Parade after the game, full of spotty little chavvy teen twatty bastards gormlessly looking around for Town fans to scrap with.) Unarguably it wasn't a great game, but there was a ruggedness to Town that I've not seen that often over the past couple of seasons. We didn't create too much, despite the BBC site recording shots on target no-one else saw. We hit too many direct balls, which were a wasteful use on Adam Proudlock. Sweeney seemed wasted out wide. But the back five played well (as Neil Woods agrees). And I tell you what, that Lee Peacock, he could be the next Paul Groves, mark my words. We kept a clean sheet and with the results above us it ended up a point gained. What more did you want from two shit performances on an even shitter pitch?

Friday 12 February
Idle Diary writes: The battle cries for tomorrow's clash at Bradford City start with Michael Coulson declaring Town need to put the Bantams under early pressure (a perspective backed up by his boss). While Coulson conjectures they'll have a big crowd, who could get on the home side's back if they go behind, the city of Bradford won't be showing its support to the numbers of the "25,136 capacity" that the Grimsby Telegraph has thrown into its report, in that overly trivial manner journalists do to show they know little details. Coulson reckons "there's been about five or six games" Town could have won, but feels luck is going to fall their way soon. In the meantime, "we'll keep going and keep fighting for the points." RRAAAAHHHH, EH! Eh!

Grimsby Town? Goal of the year? Rather have a few more scuffers netting league points. Consolation efforts in the Paint Pot against Big Team Leeds? Pft. But smashing for the lad Sweens, eh. Get some recognition. Ensure if we go down he's in the shop window. And all that. Gary. And the lad agrees: "That goal's gone now � I want to get a few more important ones in the league to get us up the table." Yeah, Sweeney! Start by blasting in the winner tomorrow, and I will rekindle my love affair with you, baby

While Peter Sweeney talks of the competition for places within the side and how it's good for the team, the injury news for tomorrow's game is a small piles of bodies in midfield: Paris Cowan-Hall (out: hamstrung), Adrian Forbes (out: knackered leg, again), Lee Peacock (doubtful: ankle knock), Michael Leary (doubtful: bug). The Mighty Adam Proudlock returns from illness though, and remember that "important" signing Mark Hudson? He could fit in if needed. Stay calm. We have options.

As for the opposition, temporary manager Wayne Jacobs, looking to earn City their first home win since October, reckons "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" for a fair old while. And a bit longer. And a bit longer more. And then a bit longer still... christ, he waffles on. Ah, here we go. A bit about Town: "From being, for want of a better word, a soft touch all of a sudden they are hard for one another." Ah, hang on. I've read that wrong. "They are working extremely hard for one another." Phew � thought for a minute that was the Straight Peter Bore effect spreading through the team. On the outside, Jacobs is weary of Town knowing that Town "gave Notts County a real good game. We'll show them our utmost respect and we've done that by our preparations." By which he means he's had his players sharpen their elbows and their boots' studs.

Sharpen your knowledge with our factfile for the game. Oh, and if you fancy joining a couple of us for a pre-match pint, giz a buzz.

A quick trip into the postbag, referring back to Wednesday's Idle Diary, which questioned if Manchester United supporters were moved to react to the club's takeover by the Glazers. Chris Parrott believes they did: "Hence the foundation of FC United of Manchester. And a few years before that the Dirty Digger's hostile takeover bid was repelled by, among others, Shareholders United. I wish more Town fans were this independently minded." And while I agree he's a point, the percentage of United fans that were this 'independently minded' was far from the vast majority � it was a very small minority. When was the last time the fans of a club rose en masse to object? Wimbledon was it? Is that the only example? Let us know.

And, finally, those of you worrying about the weather for tomorrow, just ignore the SNOS's weather page. It'll be fine. I live two miles from Valley Parade and my lawn softened up a decent bit by 11am this morning. The forecast for tomorrow is a degree or two warmer as well. Let's hope Town turn up the heat on the pitch as well. RRAAAHHHH! C'MON TOWN!

Thursday 11 February
Armchair Diary writes: Today we actually have some news that relates to Grimsby Town Football Club. How unusual.

We'll start with ex-players saying stuff. Danny Boshell has told the Telewag that he's happy to have swapped a relegation scrap for a chance of promotion with Chesterfield. Hey, we could still get promoted. If we put a bit of a run together I'm sure the play-offs are still in reach. The club's favourite defender-turned-estate agent is up next, it's Gary Croft. He thinks appointing Woodses was a good move. So do I, Gary, so do I. Flogging houses must have addled his brain though as he claims he only ever played for Town in the second division. Err, Gaz, remember those two seasons you spent with us before going to Lincoln? We were most definitely in the fourth division then. Maybe he's just got an old version of Championship Manager and has never got us promoted. It's that or more estate agent bullshit. The last player to open his mouth is Ashley Chambers who reckons the competition for places is bringing out the best in him. Well, you can only have so many non-scoring strikers in a squad these days can't you?

Ticket news now as the Telewag reveal admission prices for the next two home games have been cut in an effort to boost attendances and increase support for the Mariners. The games against Lincoln and Macclesfield have been identified as "winnable", by whom I wonder? Aren't all matches winnable or are there some ancient rules in place that mean we're not allowed to beat certain teams regardless of how many goals we score?

Ever wanted the opportunity to pick the design of your club's home team shirt? No, me neither but that hasn't stopped Town trying to engage the fans in the decision as to which super-duper nano-technological wonder garment they should grace the Conference with next season. Tommy Wright seems to be smiling slightly more in the first picture, if that helps with your decision at all.

And finally, the Telewag have put their best men on the case and come up with a six-point plan to help their local football club in an article entitled "DGDGDGDG". In case they actually realise they have cocked up and either remove or rebrand this article I will summarise: discount tickets and replica shirts, get the players out and about to meet and engage with the plebs and best of all, number six in this action plan, "Win games". Of course! Why didn't we think of that before?

Wednesday 10 February
Idle Diary writes: It's a day full of news of other clubs and their money struggles.

David Conn � whose excellent intelligent journalism over recent years has single-handedly enlightened us into the business side of football (while making us feel like complete fuckwits for coughing up to fuel further businessman fuckwittery) � reports that since 1992 � the hallowed year zero for the Sky Sports generation � Football League clubs have fallen into insolvency 53 times. No side from the first division, the Premier League, has yet to be forced into administration.

As I type this, Sky Sports News are feverishly reporting from outside the court where Portsmouth, Cardiff, and Southend are all facing winding-up hearings. Portsmouth have already had one offer turned down this morning, and if they cannot prove they can pay back their creditors, they are in real danger of becoming the modern day's top flight's first, ahem, "victims". Victims. Victims of what exactly?

We won't draw reference to Manchester United that often in these pages, but more of their fans are starting to believe their club is a vehicle for profiteering by the Glazers. Cue protests, cue a steward being dismissed after returning a banner to protestors after a game. Passions running high at a club, lazily clich�d as being avast with prawn sandwich-eating fans. But were there any of these protests when the Glazers, with their reputation of doing just this, bought the club? There was little, concern and understanding of the action, the fans no doubt wooed by the promises of more $$$ to splash in the transfer market.

Closer to Town's ground level a similar situation arose at Notts County in the summer, the failure of their high-profile takeover now leaving the club stranded in confusion. Having recently agreed a 28 day extension to sort their tax bill, question marks now hang over who and where that money is coming from.

Derby County chairman Dam Longson says to Brian Clough in The Damned United, money is what chairmen want, and the more that comes in the better for them. An ex-chairman, Alan Sugar, believes football is too expensive for your average fan. This is Baron Sugar who was the only chairman of a (then) top five side to vote in favour of the Sky deal back in 1992. The same Sky deal that has had many clubs like Portsmouth and Hull overspending to reach the golden chalice of the Premier League, and asking the fans to pay more and more along the way. And that's the same Sky deal that fuelled the then-historic ITV Digital deal with the Football League in 2001, the same deal that fucked over so many clubs and left them on their knees. Oh, and did you know Spurs fans aren't keen on Sugar? Try asking one.

With that, for Town the links are closer to home. This weekend adult Town fans will pay twenty quid to get into a fourth division game at Bradford City, another club that chased the dream and fell. While Bradford were top flight hustlers and bustlers, think back to the last game of Alan Buckley's second spell in charge of Town in 2000. A well-earned point at Fratton Park wasn't enough for the Town board's fresh face, Doug Everitt. Enter Lennie Lawrence, enter ITV Digital, enter the start of Town's very modern modern history of problems. And Portsmouth then, they'd only been in administration 18 months previously.

There's no need to pontificate or force the relevance of this to Town down your throat. There are lessons here. But whether they are lessons fans and football learn from, is another matter. At least our club continues to exist. It's a miserable existence, it's a perilous existence, but at least Fenty hasn't gone all Geoff Moss on us. It's an existence.

Still, the ginger one's return to the first team should lift the the place, bring some much needed Hegativity, and last night's results were alright for us, don't you think?

Tuesday 9 February
Mardy Diary writes: There is nothing happening. Honest. Nothing at all. Sure, there's some "news", but nothing really of note. So I'm not going to note it.

Hmph. Is it Saturday yet?

Monday 8 February
Mardy Diary writes: I'm not sure people are embracing this relegation battle in the proper spirit, you know. Is it just me that's excited by it? The anticipation of the win grows with each match � like a child waiting for a Christmas that feels like it'll never come. Sure, if we were 20-30 points adrift with a handful of games left, it might be time to start looking at the league below. But now? Come on � breathe it in � embrace the battle. It's exciting. If we were already in mid-table safety what would be the point of going to the match? What would we look forward to? It'd be like spending an afternoon in Debenhams. No � thrive off the excitement and energy. Personally, when we win I'm all ready to go abso-bloody-lutely mental. I'll probably throw myself down the Pontoon steps and break a few bones in all the excitement.

So another Monday when the messageboard geniuses spout forth with demands for the head of the manager � yeah, that'll work. And the doom merchants predict our demise, not just for this season but for many seasons to come. Me � this is food to me. Come on, bring the FIGHT! What are you all scared of?

Friday 5 February
Neil Woods has been talking the talk. His sense of relief is palpable after strengthening his squad significantly over the past few weeks. It shows all over his face. The way to beat County, your Guest Diarist can report, is to attack them. 'Woods to go for the jugular', trumpets the Grimsby Telegraph, while the redoubtable Dale (in his weekly paid-for interview) puts forward the proposition to his manager that Town might have the best squad in the division nowadays. If Mr Woods had been drinking coffee at that point I suspect he would have spat it out. But you kind of know what he means don't you? On paper Town do look much much stronger.

So tomorrow's game, seen from the heady always-anticipatory heights of a Friday morning, is a prospect to relish. I was expecting to tell you that Dean Sinclair might not make it with a hamstring problem, but Woods is hopeful. He is less sure about Wes Fletcher and Adam Proudlock, who have felt a bit poorly this week. At least their absence will reduce Woodses' selection options up front. Proudlock, by the way, has done a very nice mea culpa interview to the Telegraph, rightly insisting he will want to take the next penalty.

Woods ruefully admitted he has a selection headache, claiming that there is now competition for just about every place in the team. And he says the competition is enthusiastic, citing an after-match text from young Paris babbling about how much he had enjoyed his 20-minute cameo. Neil said there is no-one in the squad now who he wouldn't play and that the team will be picked according to how he sees the opposition, the pitch conditions and the adjacency of other matches. Reading his runes, I get the impression that Woods would love to play young Cowans-Hall, but a combination of his fitness issue and a heavy pitch will influence his decision. But I'm sure he'll appear at some point. As for the midfield, well, Peacock will come on for the run last week you would expect, and it sounds like Sinclair will be fit enough to start.

In today's news-based diary I should also tell you that Bradley Wood is back in full training already and that Forbes and Stockdale are continuing to expand their training sessions with both being possibles to join the first team squad by the middle of next week. In another helpful interview, Woods has explained his thinking about the younger squad members who have failed to feature of late. Paraphrasing mightily: he feels that Town's relegation fight is no way to start a career in the game. Simply too much pressure on the kids. And I can't really argue with that either.

As for pressure � well a couple of weeks ago I didn't really feel any because it looked like Town would never win again. But some good-looking signings and a really decent away point last week has roused me again. No doubt by five tomorrow I'll be proved wrong for the thousandth time, but just now that 4/1 price on Town looks tasty. Check the Cod Almighty factfile to see whether our resident betting person recommends us to get stuck in to it. Try to enjoy the game folks, however you follow it. See yer.

Thursday 4 February
Idle Diary writes: Not a lot on today, what with it being Thursday an'all that. It's the same over at the Grimmo Telegraph, with only a desperate interview where Cowan-Hall compares his time with Town to that of the Baudelaire children. Still, "if I don't [create or score a goal] then I feel like I've had a bad game" shows the lad better at finishing than building up.

Is there anything else? Erm, fancy choosing next season's kit already? No? Erm...

Better poke in to the Diary postbag. Not a lot there either, only ageing North Norfolk rocker Dave Elvidge's "possible top 10 for the present times":

It's all over now � Rolling Stones
It's over � Roy Orbison
Down down down � Status Quo
Sea of heartache � Don Gibson
Crying in the rain � Everly Brothers
No particular place to go � Chuck Berry
Sorrow � David Bowie
As tears go by Marianne Faithful
Showdown � Electric Light Orchestra
I guess it doesn't matter anymore

"Further to that list: number 10 was by Buddy Holly. By then I was well on the way to being pissed (in addition to pissed off)."

Hmmm. I don't know how to respond to that. Anyone?

Ah! Ah. No, still nothing.

This feels a bit awkward, like a date where I want to speak to you, you beautiful thing, but I've nothing to say.

Let's just call it quits, eh. I'd be better doing the factfile.

Wednesday 3 February
Mardy Diary writes: Cast your mind back, just over a year ago � say early December 2008. Take a look at the squad for any particular match. Yup. You might see Atkinson, Bore, Hegarty, Stockdale... possibly Jarman. And that's it. Just over a year and our entire squad has almost completely changed � not that it hasn't needed a change, but it can't continue like this. I'm sure Neil Woods will be in agreement: stability � of the squad, of the team and putting professional structures in place is what should be our goal now. I don't doubt there'll be more changes in the summer � once contracts and loans expire we'll be left with a "first team" squad of around 15. Some of those loanees will no doubt sign up should we stay up, some of the players out of contract may sign new deals � and there will be more new faces. But next January I don't want to see anybody new coming in � I want a well balanced, well-performing, steady squad by that point. I'll accept loans to cover injuries/suspensions, I'll accept players coming in to replace any that may leave. But other than that, I don't want another overhaul � wherever we may be. Same manager, same players � just for a few seasons. We've tried the chopping and changing, and (surprise!) it didn't work. Now it's time to try being rational and measured � a difficult ask for most football fans and chairmen, I know.

So Danny North has gone � and he's said some really nice things to the Telegraph so I wish him all the best and I hope he does well wherever he goes. It would be pitiful and typically 'Grimsby' to have anything negative to say about North at this moment in time. Good on yer Danny � you've left honourably and with respect, a proper professional. He's spent over five years as part of the first team set-up, and longer if you count his time as a youth player. That makes Danny one of our longest serving players � so he deserves respect. But who are our longest serving players now? Let me tell you: Peter Bore (57 starts) and Nick Hegarty (89). Amazing isn't it? Bore signed for the club (aged 12) in 1999, so the notoriously straight boy is in his 11th year (isn't he due a testimonial?) and Hegarty followed in 2001. After that � it's a bit more tricky. Atkinson has been here a while if you count his various loan stints � and after Hegarty he is the player with the most starts for us (83). After that we've got Stockdale (only 30 starts), Proudlock and Jarman (both 37). As for time at the club, I've no idea how long Overton and Bird have been at the club but I suspect they may not make it past the summer.

So there you have it folks: change is good, but it is also bad. Upwards and onwards. Seeya.

Tuesday 2 February
Apologies up front for not getting this up in time for lunch. Ever been to a "it'll just be thirty minutes" meeting, wherein in every minute is actually 180 seconds long? Oh yeah, of course you have � you support Town, where a nine month season feels like a whole term under Thatcher. God help our sanity and comprehension of time if we're this shit if the Tories get into power.

So, let's cheer things up. Let's summarise yesterday's activities. First the club announced the departure of the Slightly Bosh (who joined Chesterfield), Clarke (York), and Heywood (out of town). Local Boy Danny North also left the club, as did Grant Normington. Citing a lack of first team football as his reason, Nicky Featherstone took the opportunity to return to Hull early. And most disappointingly, Barry Fucking Conlon scuppered his chances of an immortal career-shafting Cod Almighty T-shirt by signing with Chesterfield, as permanently as "until the summer" is. And in? Just Oliver Lancashire returning, on loan until the end of the season.

Got all that? Seven players out, one player in. If you haven't � or you might be one of those people who just wants to know what that leaves Town with � luckily here's our squad page that tells you just the players left between now and the end of the season to preserve Town's Football League status. No pressure there then.

No more ins, no more outs. Nothing more but working with what's � and get ready to cross this off your Fentycon bbbiiiiIIINNNNGGOOOO! Card � "in the building". And leaving us Town fans a few days to work out how-where-why those players are best deployed. Will Lancashire come straight in for Rob Atkinson? Is Coulson better employed out wide or up front? What about Peacock at the tip of a midfield diamond? Questions and decisions for Neil Woods, with a team now that he has truly built. Your Idle Diarist is feeling a mixed sense of raw excitement and raw sewage. What about you, dear reader?

With the less-than-magnificent seven now gone, would any of them, or any of the many more that left before them, go as far as penning an open letter to the club and its fans to say "thanks, so long, and farewell" like David Prutton? Would they buggery.

Monday 1 February
"Trio released" says the superb new official site's banner headline. Followed by the subtext "for players released". Is it three or a badly spelled four wonders your Guest Diarist? Or is it in fact the five that have been bandied round the rumour mill? Sadly the article is all headline � click on it and your link expires, or some such nonsense. So at the time of writing I can't tell you any more.

Ah but when I check back again the link works saying "Jamie Clarke, Danny Boshell and Matt Heywood have all had their contracts cancelled by mutual consent." So now we know.

The last day of any transfer window is a tragic sad pathetic day � an undignified scrambled egg of rumour and desperation. When Palace players start the day dreaming of Barcelona and then sign for Wigan. When Town fans scream for more players even though we have loads of other teams' cast-offs already.

Town, having embarrassedly refused on Saturday the tempting offer of three away points against a side who normally hardly ever look like losing at home, can look forward to a week where our new signings can get to know last months signings and be absorbed in our borg. We missed an open goal; we missed a penalty but heck we don't care. No-one around us in the table is winning so it doesn't matter too much does it?

I read entrails as I gut tonights tea. Others apparently read Facebook pages to try and deduce the imminent future of people like that Danny North. The Grimsby Telegraph is a bit Mondayish today � just regurgitating what they've read on the SNOS. The McCrory saga is sort of dead but not buried so you never know � someone might detect the faintest of pulses and bring it back to life. How important is that signing though I say (trying to find a place back in the team for our longest serving player). We need hegativity. We definitely do. See yer.

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