Cod Almighty - Diary - December 2011

daily independent coverage of Grimsby Town FC

Diary - December 2011

Friday 30 December
It will be a year on Sunday since Town unexpectedly demolished Mansfield, scoring seven goals and luckily only conceding the two. Then we relied on Rob Atkinson, Straight Peter Bore and Dean Sinclair to shine. Alan Connell only got a couple that day, of course: hat-tricks just weren't his thing. Liam Hearn is scoring as fast as Alan did, although with more games played due to the winter weather last season. Town then went to thrash Histon with another six, before three dismal losses on the trot, to Wrexham, York and Chasetown.

With that inconsistency in mind your Guest Diarist notes that Grimsby are proper odds-on (8/11 with ToteSport) to beat Lincoln at home this Sunday, with Lincoln priced at a suspiciously long-looking 9/2 (Bet365). Those with cool heads would have a small piece of the latter. Those with passionate hearts will be thinking: "What could possibly go wrong?" and backing the Hearn hat-trick (being mentally past the post already). Who knows?

Whether the Town managers are frantically ringing Luton to try to get Will Antwi back is a moot point. Rumours abound among the comedy nether regions of football messageboard nesbitry. Rumours that Shouty has said something along the lines of 'sod that for a game of soldiers' and registered himself as a player. Once it was cometh the hour, cometh Robbie Stockdale. Now we have two ex-players to resurrect. But the chances of that are surely as slim as they are undesirable in a club with a million-quid playing budget. What happens today, in terms of organising a believable defence to face Lincoln, may influence thinking significantly on the value offered on Lincoln at 9/2.

Nick Hegggaarty has not been nominated for the Mariners lifetime achievement award but would score highly if it were based on positivity. The lad has left Mansfield, declaring his future lies down under. (He'd have a done a job for us this season � another casualty of the get-rid-one-season-before-the-team-is-crap-enough-to-appreciate-him syndrome.) Reader John Chablo has snaffled the bait though, writing in to say: "Paul Groves of course. Best striker, midfielder and defender at the club when he was there. Could probably still do a job for us." I'd have him John, as manager (and stand-in centre-half on Sunday too). Good call mate.

He's an opinionated midfielder who is much better without the ball (because of his physical harrying skills) than with it (because of his sometimes awful decision-making and passing deficiencies). Hanging on to Manny Panther esquire will be tough, I suspect. Having negotiated himself a decent contract at Aldershot, he then had no hesitation in triggering the one-year extension when his club was looking to move him on in the close season. Aldershot, I suspect, will be looking to Grimsby to take him off their hands for financial reasons. And that means overspend again if it's going to happen.

I suspect one of the managers will do a match preview interview after training today (Friday). So I can't share their thoughts on the back four conundrum with you, gentle reader, as I plan to to collapse into a comatose heap at noon and watch endless darts. Did you see that bloke yesterday who threw a 180 only to realise he only wanted 176? How we laughed. I'll be roused only to listen to the dulcet tones of John Tondeur on New Year's Day. The ticket office reports that the Lower Findus has sold out but there's loads of tickets available everywhere else. So as I've bagged the sofa, you lot had better get yourselves there. With Town you never know what you might witness, eh?

Thursday 29 December
The best way to provoke a central defensive crisis, your Guest Diarist ruminates, would seem to be to let one of your centre-halves go before organising a replacement. Charlie I'Anson yesterday Tweeted: "Thanks for messages 2to3 weeks haven't had x ray to swollen". Shaun Pearson is to serve a single-match ban for five bookings. So Scott Garner, still blinking in the spotlight after a tremendous return to first-team action at Lincoln, is the only fit centre-half for Sunday's derby return game. Which must have Shouty cursing even louder than normal.

Will we see Bradley Wood have a go, with Silk deputising at right-back? Maybe. I'm just hoping that the managers don't try something with, say, Duffy. The memory of watching Jones the Lump trying to play centre-half a few seasons ago, while I was sitting directly in line with Town's defence, haunts me still. I loved the Lump to death, but Birtles he wasn't. Other defensive options are available, but the gung-ho enthusiasm and utter commitment of our Bradley would make for an interesting afternoon.

Speaking of Garry Birtles, Mighty Mariner has been spending his time this holiday uploading clips from his GTFC video collection to that Youtube. The easiest way to link you to them is via Mighty's Twitter account. But here's one clip where you get to see Birtles both in action and also interviewed in a Town feature on the Saint & Greavsie programme. Do you have a penchant for Grimsby Town or the drinking of exotic bottled ales? Like to think hard on an almost daily basis about the, ermm, dress sense of breakfast female TV and weather presenters? Then following Mighty on that Twitter might be just your cup of tea, gentle reader. Try it, if you dare.

And Cod Almighty reader Rich Mills emailed us the other day to nominate Mr Birtles for the lifetime achievement award thing I was noodling on about last week. "I think you mentioned the obvious ones," muses Rich, "but others that stand out for me would be Nigel Batch, Joe Waters(es) and even Gary Birtles. Dave Gilbert too. I know they didn't have as long a time there as Macca but they put the effort in and seemed to care too."

Every time I hear Birtles' work as a pundit on a footy game he seems to get in a really positive hark-back to his time at Grimsby. So yes Rich, he's an absolutely ace candidate. And Waters, who has also been nominated by CA's own Pat Bell, talked so movingly about Grimsby when Radio Humberside interviewed him earlier this season that it brought a lump to my throat. So he's high on the list too. Maybe in ten years Bradley Wood will line up as well, alongside the mighty Bobby Cumming eh? Let's hope so. But write in with your nominations folks � we've got to while away these dog days between Christmas and new year somehow, so let's gently reminisce.

Before I go off to try to float in a warm bath of nostalgia though, I should put on record the fantastic support from the travelling Mariners fans at Lincoln and my recognition of the tremendous second-half comeback performance from the team. And pay respect to the managers for the tactical switch that inspired it. One day they'll get it right from the start, but to even get half a performance is a great big hop forward isn't it?

Conor Townsend, whom Town have secured on loan for the rest of the season, is improving game by game, so his continued presence can be seen as another positive. I'll be back tomorrow to see what's happening ahead of the big game on Sunday. See yer.

Wednesday 28 December
Grimsby fans were given the perfect Christmas present when they beat 'old foes' Lincoln at Sincil Bank on Boxing Day. In a pretty shit first half, Town played a four-man midfield with strict instructions not to place one foot inside the centre circle at any time, or to even attempt to tackle the opposition. But the Mariners came out second half looking like the team the fans expected to see from the first whistle. And, to our collective relief, the Imps didn't do the damage that their general first half play deserved, allowing us to snatch victory from what looked at the break like a drab defeat from an over-hyped fixture.

I was told after the game that we hadn't won a Boxing Day fixture since the 3-1 at Derby in 2002, when John Oster scored a couple and young David 'Digger' Soames got a third in injury time. Town youngster Iain Ward played in midfield alongside Paul Groves to man-mark Georgi Kinkladze in the second half.

Now is not the time to consider how Monday's victory � or even another on New Year's Day at Blundell Park � will fail to make one iota of difference on our inevitable mid-table finish. Now is the time to celebrate the victory and go into the home fixture full of confidence and optimism that we can make it six points out of six and climb into the top half of the table for the first time this season. Full-time club captain Craig Disley thinks we've turned the corner. Town fans, with their naturally negative disposition, now think he's jinxed it.

Town have defensive problems ahead of the home game on New Year's Day, with Pearson suspended, I'Anson injured and Antwi out of the equation � for now. Forgotten man Garner is the last man standing. Luckily, Lincoln's defence will be equally decimated so we shouldn't concern ourselves with how we're going to keep them out. We can't seem to keep many other buggers out, so if we all just accept that we'll probably concede, and concentrate instead on getting Hearn and Elding banging the goals in at the other end, then we'll have nothing to worry about.

It's been a long time since a central defender caught the eye of your West Yorkshire Diary through being so inept, but the Imps' Josh Gowling did just that on Monday. I couldn't help thinking that if that had been a home game, and if the midfield had supported the Town strikers from the very start, then we could have had a hatful. Handily, then, we have the home game just around the corner and current form suggests we're not that bad at scoring goals at Blundell Park � not that I want to build up too many hopes, you understand. Disley has already jinxed it anyway, so I feel free to say what I want. Gowling did one thing right on Boxing Day and that was to get himself booked and suspended so he won't have to play against Hearn on New Year's Day.

There are many things that I dislike about my football club being in the Conference, but this local derby double-header thing is one of the benefits. God knows who the fixture generator would have sent us to play on Boxing Day had we been in the Football League. The fans have already been challenged to come out and support the Mariners in this return fixture by ticket expert Steve Wraith � and that was before the win two days ago. Shorty has challenged the players to beat Lincoln again, which is nice.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Friday 23 December
Your Guest Diarist didn't watch the sports personality programme thing last night. But on reading the paper this morning I'm disappointed that Steve Redgrave's epic victory in the 1996 Celebrity Gladiators was not cited among the reasons for him being presented with a lifetime achievement award. But who should be awarded a lifetime achievement award for services to Grimsby Town?

To an instant list comprising John McDermott, Alan Buckley and, umm, David Boylen, I can soon add more names. Names like John Tondeur, Dave Moore and my own personal favourite, Steve Livingstone � a man who couldn't really play centre-half but did so for two seasons without complaint. A man who couldn't score many either, but gave his heart for the club for 9.999 recurring seasons without getting a testimonial. Sorry folks, this was just an excuse to conduct my annual personal homage to my favourite ever Grimsby Town player. Indulge me. But by all means write in with your own nominations.

I hope Councillor Boylen reprises his Billy Cotton-inspired pre-match fan-rousing at the Lincoln home game. It's time we had an airing of the little man's almost unique talent, not seen lately, to provoke a heady mixture of wry laughter and reactive applause. As a player Boylen was half decent, and in his careers as player and then warm-up act he's never lacked in the passion and effort departments for a second.

Steve Wraith has told the superb new official website that Lincoln fans have only bought about 300 tickets so far for the return match on New Year's Day. But equally only about 2,500 home tickets have gone. Well, he didn't actually say that: he recounted how many tickets are left in each home stand and I've tried half-arsedly to work out what that means. But then I suppose you have to subtract the season tickets. In which case Town haven't sold that many tickets for the return game either.

By the way, here's how the opposition fans see us (apparently):

The Lincolnshire Derby sees Grimsby Town and 1800 Mariners travel to Sincil Bank for the first of two festive duels. Bragging rights aside, huge tests indeed for David Holdsworth's Imps and perhaps even a defining one for our ever decreasing circles Chairman.' Could it be, in a season of sea-change, shambles and shame; that our fishy neighbours hold the mangers straw, perhaps tinsel, that threatens to break the camels back?

It has been a really strange December if not decade for Grimsby. The Mariners looked to have found the answer to Lincolnshire football's perplexing downward path until recently jettisoning club captain Kempson in the process.

Let's just savour that for a moment. Wow.

Anyroad, I hope the first match, which should have a five thousand gate, is a cracker, and persuades the fans who are prepared to trog down the A46 on Boxing Day to come to the home game too. Whatever folk think about tactics, footballing standards and all the rest, there's bound to be a great atmosphere on Boxing Day. So if you are teetering you'd better decide quick, as there's only about a hundred tickets left, Mr Wraith says. Happy Christmas, and however you do it, enjoy the football. Meanwhile I'm off to see Sir Henry at Rawlinson End for a yuletide lobotomy. See yer.

Thursday 22 December
It's interesting, your Guest Diarist thinks, to sit for a minute and wonder why so many Town fans have stumped up to go to the away match at Sincil Bank on Boxing Day. Town have sold out each allocation they've been sent and more away tickets are reported to be arriving this afternoon. If every one gets sold then it will be an away contingent of 1,800, the club ticket office says. Back to the numbers we used to take a decade or more ago. Is this some kind of imperceptible 'last hurrah'? Or is it just proof that this part of the Conference fixture list, which conjoins local derbies with feast days, actually works � to compensate for the other parts of the fixture list, which seem designed to prevent all but the totally obsessed attending all the matches?

Both sides are just a fraction better than they were early in the season, benefiting from loan players to replace the duds. In a normal job, if you keep making expensive mistakes there's normally a bit of an inquest. This used to be called an 'almighty bollocking' in the seventies and eighties but that has been supplanted by something the latest generation of human resourcists call 'process'. In the old days, if you had too many bollockings you knew your number was up and started looking for another job (there were other jobs to look for in those days of course). But if you are a football manager or professional player you don't get bollocked much. The management are as patient as hell. Until they unexpectedly fire you, that is. That's still the 'process' here in the arcane world of professional football: unexpected and sometimes totally unjustified sackings wrapped up in words like mutual consent and contract cancelled.

As far as I am concerned only Hearn, Elding and Disley have been signings by the present management pair that have sort of 'worked'. Of the other players bought in, well, one always associates the words 'Spencer' and 'why?' now. As for the goalkeeper � he's the goalkeeper of choice but is he actually visibly, definably better than the other one? Both makes saves, both make mistakes. Accent and gloves apart, they are indistinguishable to me. Why, when we are skinter than we've ever been, did we sign two and then not even put the spare one on the subs' bench?

Church and Pearson were a hard-fought-for transfer, an expensive gamble which didn't work. Shame for the lads, but it's gonna be a miracle if they can command a place in a successful Conference team. Silk arrived looking like a solid signing, but it seems we never need that sort of player. And Frankie Artus has rarely been seen at the head of the peloton.

So we've ended up with a first team dependent on loan players in important positions. Again. Garner, either at home or at work, has done something to upset. He's way out in the cold � a shame because the lad had potential and his England C cap proves it. So Kempson's gone. Kempey? Goney? Yes, with Kempson 'terminated', with Garner cold-shouldered and Pearson a busted flush, we need loaner Antwi.

And with Church failing miserably, for all his effort, we need Panther, another loaner. And with Ridley bombing out we need loan-boy Townsend. And with Makofo's surge being as unreliable as Scotty's warp engine (in series one episode nine � don't check, I made that up), and Eagle(s)' face not fitting and his copybook blotted, that means we need to keep borrowing McCarthy.

But Hearn and Elding have sort of worked. Having admitted that, Hearn's goals don't win enough matches. Look to Connell's goals-to-points record. And then look to Hearn's. No, I haven't actually done the legwork and the calculation: who do you think I am? Where's the Cod Almighty statistician when you need him, eh? But I just know that Connell was more valuable to us than Hearn. Hearn has got more than enough goals for Town and Elding has chipped in with a very respectable number too. But Town are 15th and miles off the play-offs at Christmas: that says it all as far as I am concerned.

As the Shouty manager wryly said the other day � all he wants for Christmas is a few one-nil wins. I wonder what young Sam Mulready will get for Christmas. It's 'that time' for him this week. I suspect the lad will get the thumbs down so the managers can 'get a couple more bodies in during the January window'. The modern 'process' continues. See yer.

Wednesday 21 December
When Town fans look back on 2011 we'll remember it for a number of things. Scoring seven against Mansfield and Stockport, six against Histon and five against Barrow, Alfreton and Ashington. Conceding five against Braintree. The final threads of Deadly John (Topcon)'s credibility wearing away, as he backed Neil Woods' management one day and sacked him next. The arrival of Shorty and Shouty, and being told: "If you don't like it, don't fackin' come." Hundreds of fans interpreting Shouty's advice literally, leading to Blundell Park's lowest attendances for league games in more than 40 years.

But perhaps more significant than all of these will be the withdrawal of Mike Parker from the running of the club.

In the wake of Town's relegation to the Conference in May 2010, then chairman and vice-chairman Fenty and Parker did a pretty good job of restoring confidence among supporters. Parker would put loads of money in, with a particular emphasis on youth development. And Fenty would... um... let him. In 2011, a thoroughly disillusioned Parker resigned his vice-chairmanship, left the board of directors, and gave away half a million quid's worth of shares rather than risk having to run the club himself.

Nobody really knows what Parker was up to, or might do next. Least of all, it seems, John Shelton Fenty himself. Deadly is in the Grimsby Telegraph today saying as much. "I can't imagine Mike's coming back," opines the Tory councillor. "If he wanted to come back either in my absence or with me � because frankly we were on the same page, we did work well together � of course I would welcome that. Can I see it happening? Not as things stand."

Was Parker positioning himself for a tilt at running the whole show, and then got cold feet? Your original/regular Diary was appalled by the timing of his resignation, coming, as it did, while GTFC were desperately trying to convince several potential new managers to sip from the poisoned chalice. At the same time, though, Parker gave the impression that he could bring considerably more intelligence, competence and professionalism to the running of the club than Fenty. Either way, as to how Parker's involvement with the club might unfold next, your guess is as good as mine. And mine's as good as John Fenty's.

Them Lincoln tickets just keep coming. And them Grimsby fans just keep buying. Our county neighbours down the A46, laughably believed by some mouth-breathing Town followers to have a more limited gene pool than our own, have sent another couple of hundred tickets for the Boxing Day derby at Sincil Bank. This brings the total sent so far to almost 1,800. If only Grimbarians were this keen on supporting their club at home from one week to the next, you might think. I couldn't possibly comment.

Lastly today a comment from the Twitter, after yesterday's diary hypothesised that Darran Kempson's injury was a suspiciously convenient pretext for Shorty and Shouty to drop him. None other than Mighty Mariner himself has Tweeted to say he saw Kempson get crocked in the Newport game and it looked believable. This hypothesis being disproved, then, we revert to the terrible question: if he hadn't been injured, would Kempson still be in the team? And what would that suggest about the managers' judgement?

Tuesday 20 December
In the old days, when a player was dropped from the first team, he used to go into the reserves. If there seemed very little chance of him returning to senior duty, he might be transfer-listed. If no other club moved in for his services, and he didn't come back into first-team reckoning, he would eventually be released when his contract expired.

It seems to your original/regular Diary that times have changed. We don't just drop players any more: we sack them. Darran Kempson's path is nothing new. It's been taken before. By Charles Ademeno, Barry Conlon, Lewis Gobern, Nick Hegarty, Matt Heywood, Richard Hope, Chris Jones, Gary Montgomery, Adam Proudlock, Lee Ridley, Dwayne Samuels, Peter Sweeney... and the rest whose names we've forgotten. All that really differs this time is the giddying speed of Kempson's ejection. The player had been starting every game, up to and including Newport at home on 19 November, when, we were told, he injured his ankle (despite his having remained on the pitch for the full 90 minutes). The club announced the cancellation of his contract on 17 December.

So Kempson has journeyed from first team to dole queue in less than a month, and no-one failed to notice the sudden outbreak of clean sheets in his absence. Shorty and Shouty are receiving credit for their ruthlessness in making the changes necessary to strengthen a porous defence. But without that ankle injury, wouldn't Dazza still be on the pitch and the Town backline still quivering in panic every time Alfreton or Barrow gain possession?

Let's suppose, alternatively, that Kempson's injury was really an 'injury' � that Shorty and Shouty decided the man they'd put their faith in and named club captain was actually a liability, and they wanted a way to drop him without losing face. Anyone can make a mistake, of course. But a little misjudgment would look worse if it's combined with a suspicion of underhandedness.

Misjudgment and underhandedness will count for nothing, of course, if Town's managers succeed in turning round the club against all odds. The Mariners shipped goals again in overcoming Ebbsfleet last Saturday. But it was a scenario in which, until fairly recently, they'd have ended up drawing or even losing. So for now let's give credit to Shorty and Shouty for the progress they seem to be making. Only a fool would suppose the decade of mess that's been made at Blundell Park could be cleared up within a year or two. Only a fool.

The management, then, are talking of signing one or perhaps two centre-backs during January (let's go mad and have two, eh: it's not like there's no fackin' money or anything). And presumably they'll be asking Father Christmas for a new left winger as well, now that they're giving up on Jamie Green and his persistent injury gubbins. I don't know if Shorty and Shouty read the Diary, but there's a decent left winger available in the Conference just now. Seemingly unwanted by his parent club, he's playing on loan for Alfreton at the moment.

Lastly today, if you enjoy side-splitting chants about inbreeding, then there's nothing you'll enjoy more than a traditional local derby. And seemingly quite a lot of people do, because Town have sold all 1,200 tickets for the Boxing Day trip to Lincoln. The good news is that the Imps have sent 380 more, which will be on sale from now until close of play on Friday. Did I say Imps? I should have said Gimps, because that's really funny, isn't it. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, of course, but most of them can't anyway because of their webbed fingers.

Monday 19 December
Miss Guest Diary writes: I simply don't know what to make of Saturday's game. To go 3-0 up in the first 12 minutes, then to spend most of the remainder of the game feeling like Town would be lucky to hang on to the lead, was an unusual experience. And the atmosphere was curiously flat, even when we looked like conceding that fourth goal in added time.

I was pleasantly surprised, once again, by Shouty's calm and sensible post-match interview with Radio Humberside. Has he been attending anger management classes? If this keeps up, we'll have to find him a new soubriquet. Any suggestions?

Town don't play again until Boxing Day, giving them (and us) some breathing space after the helter-skelter of fixtures in the last month. Those players who have played in all nine games must be exhausted. Is it any wonder that there have been occasional lapses in concentration and defensive errors, such as the one by James McKeown on Saturday? Are the fans of other clubs always so quick to jump on a player's back for making a mistake? Clich�s about pots and kettles and stones and glass houses spring to mind. This is supposedly the season of goodwill � it would be nice if some of the more critical fans could show some to their team.

Christmas in our household is a rather muted affair since we gave up on the whole gift-exchanging rigmarole about 15 years ago. It makes for a cheaper and less stressful occasion but does remove some of the potential excitement. We still do the spending-time-with-relatives and stuffing-our-faces routine. But we do that at other times of the year too, so it's not exclusively Christmassy. And the ritual from yesteryear of gathering round the TV to watch movies and Christmas specials is long over. Even the one remaining favourite, Doctor Who, fell by the wayside earlier this year when it got too complicated and, to use a modern colloquialism, up itself.

So we often look to Town's Boxing Day fixture to provide some festive spirit and excitement. Some years turn out to be disappointing or simply forgettable, but others do fill the gap. One from the last decade which springs to mind is against Derby County in 2002. They were newly relegated from the Premier League and Town had put out something of a scratch team so we were anticipating a heavy defeat. Instead, two goals from John Oster and another from David Soames � one of those local lads who come and go without making much of a mark � provided a 3-1 victory which had us laughing all the way home to Lincolnshire. And we somehow found our way into the directors' area at Pride Park which meant free parking and the chance of riding to the stadium in a golf buggy.

Let down last year by the cancellation of the game against Mansfield due to snow and ice, we were hoping for something good this year. The fixture list hasn't disappointed. What could be better than a tie against local rivals Lincoln? Especially as we live only about three miles from Sincil Bank. I just hope Town can repeat the performance, and the score, from their 4-3 victory in the Lincolnshire Cup back in August. And I'm pretty sure the atmosphere won't be flat, whatever happens.

Friday 16 December
The important Grimsby Town board meeting came. And a couple of pleasant hours later it went. The board didn't bother to elect a chairman and made themselves promise to be nice to the Mariners Trust person. He came in, they were duly nice, and everyone shook hands festively. It is not known whether the overspent budget could stretch to Iceland bite-sized beef wellingtons, or whether attendees had to resort to surreptitious pocket-raiding between agenda items to get a treat-sized meaty fix. The turkeys voted to postpone thinking about Christmas just yet.

Meanwhile Shouty faced to camera and was interrogated by 'nice' Dale and 'nasty' John Tondeur. JT went first and was assaulted by a machine-gun rattle of names. The doubtful include Spencer (knicky-nacky knee), I'Anson (sorely-worely throat), Pearson (just plain poorly for 48 hours). The definitely out include Duffy (suspended). And the dubious is Jamie Green, who has trained but may react badly again. They should do a Ledley King and cut the training out altogether, your Guest Diarist reckons. At least then he'd get a start.

Newly appointed top Radio Humberside internet sleuth

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