Cod Almighty | Match Report

by Jase Ives

7 September 2025

So what better to do on a Saturday in September than make your first visit to Bastard Franchise Scum. No ticket?? No worries!! Just go to the box office… the star attraction is waiting for you to choose one empty seat out of 23,000 more. After being fleeced at TFI Fridays for bog standard lager (I couldn't bear to ask for Guinness after just spending a few days in Ireland and seeing them here just pouring out of a can into a glass) we entered the Le Bastarde Scum arena, not in confident mode, pretty much agreeing one point would be good.

Town fans assembled in one corner… loud… proud… in numbers… home fans… as Delia Smith once shouted .. "Where are you???!!!" As much I as don't like saying it, it's a beautiful stadium – padded seats, don't you know – but atmosphere? How do you get that in an arena three-quarters empty? That's just one reason they'll never accomplish anything… no interest. They can feign it, of course, but everyone knows it isn't there. They're forever the club no one cares about; even those who live there couldn't give a shit.

Anyway, I digress, onto the game. What can I say?

Well lots, and more, but quite simply there aren't enough words or superlatives to give the Town team enough for an absolutely sublime 45 mins. A display so dominant and assured, completely outplaying a side everyone has as favourites for promotion. I could go on to highlight what happened but it'd be unfair to pick anyone out. Goal scorers – yes, but what about those who played with such swagger, confidence, belief. Those who helped sweep the opposition aside – they were there as a sideshow, the main event was in blue and red.

Dominant in possession, creativity, ability: streets ahead. In a 45 mins I've not seen the likes of for decades… if ever. Buckley's sides are rightly heralded for the football they played, but I haven't seen a Grimsby side completely annihilate an opposition as much – completely – just a different level.

The goals? Vernam: so much space, for once so positive he exploited it and took on his man. In the box Green is alert, anticipates what's coming, beats his man to the delivery and dispatches it. Easy as 1..2..3, as the song goes, and it would be three before half time (it could've been five or six).

Vernam again given time and space – he shoots, the keeper parries and who's there? Jaze – who else? Kabia tapping in from a few yards out to double the lead. Watch the goal back. If he wasn't there, who was? Right next to him. Only our left-back, Sweeney: six yards from their goal, in open play. It's just ridiculous but so, so refreshing… it's brilliant… it's Grimsby… it's 2-0.

Can you take any more excitement? Of course you can. The Wolds Panther given all the time and space (has their manager watched us play this season???), cuts inside and boooom… top bins for 3-0 in half an hour. Not even fortunate, deserved. We outclassed them, swept them aside with everyone on the pitch contributing to the performance, a confidence in what they're doing and how they can do it. So many passes, so much movement. BFS mesmerised and standing back in admiration and inability to do anything about it. It could've been four or five before they decided to decapitate Kabia. A red and rightfully so. A way out and the few home fans there already heading for that.

Half time. Well, just wow, nothing more to say. Sometimes you just clap your hands and watch in admiration. This occasion was one of them. Different class.

Second half. I could go into detail about what happened, or make out the 3-2 scoreline was fair, or we were hanging on. Truth be known we did make it hard for ourselves, but it'd take away from just how good we were in that first 45.

You still want to know?? Pfft… ball into box, Harvey gets a nudge, misses it, ball played across the box and hits George McEachran and goes in. Their second, again an error not one they 'created'. A throw-in bounces around and is not cleared. At the back stick Number 24 chests and finishes. A few nervy moments and the last kick of the game, an overhead kick, draws a few "oohs", but it was never close, much like the game. If it was a boxing match it would have been stopped. Don't let the scoreline say it was close, it wasn't. Don't let their manager cloud it by saying he got it wrong. He may have, but quite simply Grimsby Town were excellent in that first half and would've seen off many a team in higher divisions.

Yes, you could choose to worry about goals conceded, and not seeing off games we're dominating. And yes we are making it hard for ourselves because, quite simply, we've been so much better, so often. But just take a moment to appreciate what we have, and it's nowhere near the finished article. We've a team expressing themselves, imposing themselves, growing… strap yourselves in because the Man Utd game might not be the highlight.