The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

Let's go

30 March 2022

Let's get straight into things you mighty Mariners with a little Wednesday diary love for Jack Johnson and his programme crew. Look at this little lot:

Gorgeous, aren't they? And a bloody good read. Home or away, Daubney's matchday always includes two things: buying a programme, and then missing vital moments of the game by obsessively ensuring it arrives home dry and fold free. It's a cruel world where an innocuous "Can I borrow that to check who our number 46 is mate?" from the bloke recklessly munching on a menacing-looking meat pie can cause existential crisis.

While protecting it from gravy thumbs or the odd dog ear is one thing, the treasure of the printed programmes is under a far greater threat. Next to the Joe Waters Shrine Space, the most important football area of our house is the Programme Cupboard and Shelf Compound. Now I wouldn't want to be accused of being silly and suggesting that each one of the thousands of programmes carries or evokes a specific treasured memory. Having players like Richard Brodie on the cover put paid to any chance of that. However, there's no doubting a form of time travel takes place when you chuck the phone and lose an hour with a couple of handfuls plucked at random. They are a perfect snapshot of the club, a town, and its people at a moment in time and will keep @onthisGTFCday off his allotment for many years to come.

Unfortunately, the digital hordes, much like the Abramovich-type dude in Rocknrolla, are no respecters of the old school. Who cares about the careful craft of original printed content in an age when a Twitter admin can spark up a cigar and retire for the day on the back of a well-timed gif or meme that took mere minutes?

It's not news that programme sales across football are down, with some clubs moving to a digital-only offering. That's why we should thank Jack and his team for fighting the tide. We just need to hold out until the rest realise that programmes, like vinyl records, show that digital products don't have all the answers. Until then, do your bit and have your £3 ready. 

Not topical enough for you weirdos who don't dedicate rooms of your house to football memorabilia? Oldham's victory last night puts Stevenage, one of the digital programme lot, in the drop zone. This is good because: (a) It's Stevenage, hahahahahaha and (b) if we're still in the Bananarama next season, we could do without another sleeping giant like Oldham trying to hog the promotion places. They play each other on Saturday, so watch this space.