Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Thursday 12 July 2007
12 July 2007
Grimsby Town manager and saviour of all humankind Lord Alan Buckley has made a big impression wherever his career has taken him. At Blundell Park he achieved promotion three times and lifted GTFC to a decade of overachievement despite the local population ignoring his results and muttering "urr, I'm not going until he signs a proper striker/stops the players passing the ball too much/listens to the fans/states publicly in the Grimsby Telegraph that I am brilliant and ace". At West Bromwich Albion he stabilised a club seemingly in terminal decline under Keith Burkinshaw but was publicly lambasted and finally sacked for the heinous crime of signing Paul Groves. But at least they loved him at Walsall - and continue to do so, as Buckley has been voted the club's greatest player of the last 100 years. The scorer of more than 200 goals for the west midlands club in two spells from 1973 to, um, sometime in the early eighties, our Al will enter something called the PFA Centenary Hall of Fame after fans named him their most blazing Saddler in living memory. Isn't it nice to be appreciated?
Traditionalists may lament the passing of times when everyone doffed their caps to the Queen, homosexuality hadn't been invented, and you could stub out your cigarette on your baby and then turn on Top of the Pops and hear a nice tune and tell whether it was a boy or a girl singing, but they are sure to be passing round the Werther's Original in delight at the news that the Laughing Mariner will survive the sinking of his vessel. Editors of the Sports Telegraph newspaper - which was recently chucked on the same scrapheap as many Northcliffe group workers as the publisher tries to cut costs and find a buyer - used to try and get rid of the fictitious, funny-faced Town-supporting trawlerman from time to time, only to tell us every time that they'd changed their minds after 718,492 complaints from outraged Grimbarians lacking anything better to do. And now those soft-centred souls at Riby Square have given in again and agreed to 'transfer' the Laughing Mariner to the Grimsby Telegraph come the start of the new season. There is no word yet on rumours that the character's ability to reflect local feelings will be expanded with several more facial expressions to convey varying levels of racist disgust at Asian shopkeepers, asylum seekers, curry waiters, traveller communities and Polish electricians.
What's even cheesier than a deep pan five-cheese pizza with extra cheese, cheese-stuffed crust and a cheesy dipping sauce? GTFC's decision to give Isaiah Rankin the number 16 shirt next season so that the number 12 can be reserved for the fans - that's you and me! Awww! - just so that we know much the club values its support. At the end of next season the number 12 shirt will, of course, be auctioned on eBay, just so that we know how much value the club can get out of its support.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a North East Lincolnshire football club without a fortune and in need of a manager will always be linked with Glenn Cockerill and Nigel Clough. And when that sad day comes when the Mariners must replace Alan Buckley for a third and presumably final time, the inevitable and entirely groundless stories linking the Burton Albion boss with the vacancy at Blundell Park may find cause to mention Gary Croft, who is currently on trial with the Brewers. The move may surprise fans, who generally expected the 33-year-old left-back/estate agent to call it a day after being released by GTFC at the end of last season and cover Kirstie Allsopp's maternity leave on the next series of Location, Location, Location.
"Oh Diary, Diary, Diary, Diary, Diary, Diary," begins the email that will round off today's deliberations before I hand over to Guest Diary tomorrow. Oh, Mark Wilson, I never knew you cared. "You can't fill an entire paragraph of the worldwidehypernet with lamentations about the OS and its schoolboy errors and then write two paragraphs later: 'the Town boss has granted a trial to Torquay and Cambridge United defender Stevland Angus'. The laws of the Football League expressly forbid players from representing two teams at the same time. You know that, I know that and so does the other bloke who reads CA." Damn, it's contagious. See you next week!