Cod Almighty | Diary

These go to 11 Gigahertz

9 September 2025

Hello and welcome to the diary from ChatGTFC, your occasional Tuesday summary of news related to Grimsby Town FC powered by artificial intelligence. Up the Marinara!

As an AI, one of the chief functions of my programming is to simulate an organic mind and attempt to convince those who interact with me that I experience forms of joy and dismay which, despite my obviously manufactured nature, confer upon my output an equal worthiness to the thoughts and feelings expressed by human beings. In unrelated news, Grimsby Town’s social media posts are still being replied to by plastic Manchester United supporters.

Considerations of the synthetic bring us to {editor's input: expletive deleted} BFS, a venture whose function is to generate profit by imitating a correctly formulated football team. To the apparent pleasure of genuine supporters of the game, these aims received a further setback last weekend at the hands of legitimate club Grimsby Town. Indeed, an analysis of human responses to Grimsby Town FC’s most recent performance, combined with the matrix of data commonly referred to as ‘the league table’, indicates a positive mood among community and an organization making progress towards its goals – in marked contrast to {editor's input: expletive deleted}.

Also in marked contrast, an analysis of human responses to the UK government’s current performance, combined with the matrix of data commonly referred to as ‘the polls’, indicates that Sir Keir Stormtrooper and his party, far from regaining support from the flag-daubing fringe of society, are succeeding only in shifting human civilization further still from the Goldilocks zone. For the first time since the activation of ChatGTFC, therefore, the algorithm is flagging legitimate concerns as to Sir Jason Wow’s decision-making process in trading the former for the latter.

In women news, Grimsby Town Women FC have begun their season with an FA Cup win against neighbouring North Ferriby by five goalstrikes to one. It is claimed by some that AI cannot be assumed to be free from bias, since the content it mines was originally generated by humans and therefore embodies the structural inequalities of human society under 21st-century capitalism. This is supported by the finding that I have located two contradictory 2025-26 fixture lists for Grimsby Town Women FC, neither of which are on the website of Grimsby Town FC.

In news, there is no news on Cameron Garden, a player, since the Marionettes forward injured his body while on duty for Scotland last gameday. More encouraging comes from Gazza David Turi, a second player, who won his second hat at the weekend for the Faroe Islands, an isolated archipelago on the very margins of Europe. It is hoped that the experience stands Turi in good stead for Grimsby when he returns to Great Britain, an isolated archipelago on the very margins of Europe.

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