Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 14 June 2006

14 June 2006

Luton's Michael Reddy has rented out his hair to Croatia. FACT!

I didn't know that. Nor that the actual words of the Croatian national anthem are "We all follow Croatia over land and sea (and Yorkshire)". Weren't you watching the Brazil game with Ceefax subtitles then? Deviant Diary returns from the dark side of life (remember - always look on the dark side of life) to urge humanity to End This Now. Burn John Motson, or at least cut out his tongue and hang it from a lamp-post down Blundell Avenue. Brazil are fat, lazy, arrogant and old, merely resting upon the aura of accumulated memories. We have Lumpaldinho, they have Lumpaldo: they may as well call the whole thing off.

These games come thick and fast, like a Motson bon mot. Who was it that had a player with a tarantula on his forehead. Or fancy a game of Pimpong? And what's it got to do with Town?

I'm glad you asked. Like hot rats in London, you're never more than six sentences away from a Town connection. Apparently last season's official 'Frenchman' was interviewed on Radio Five Live yesterday. Jean-Paul Kamustillhereifanyoneisinterestedala was asked for his detailed knowledge of African football, presumably for being African (having played for Doctor Congo) rather than for sitting on a bench in a Grimsby park. His association with Grimsby Town Football Club was referred to in the present tense. There you are: investigative journalism. You'd have had a world exclusive too last Friday, if the Cod Almighty editorial team had bothered to tell you that it's Peter Taylor's turn to ensure Crystal Palace fail. But it's less interesting, and less relevant to the football world, than a cat chasing a bear up a tree. Hey, it's a metaphor made flesh.

Time for some more reflections in a golden pond of warm beer and bobbies on bicycles two by two about Town's new kit. Horrid T-shirt time if you ask me. How did they come up with that? Scraping the bottom of Nike's washing basket, or maybe Positive John is a closet Star Trek fan. That may also explain our transfer policy in recent years. On Earth we call that missing, Junior.

Look, everyone is still on holiday watching the World Cup. There ain't no news, OK?

Is everybody happy? Oh never mind! No problem. There you are: more padding than Ronaldo's shorts.