Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 12 June 2006
12 June 2006
Prepare yourself for a rag-tag fugitive fleet on a lonely quest... to provide you with this week's diaries in the Diary's absence. Kendal Mintcake Diary reports for sentry duty today.
"Stop moaning." The Home Office has rejected that slogan. Chairman John, however, isn't going to let such a snappy line go to waste. Town's kingpin has returned from his arduous week at the Footie League AGM, his batteries fully recharged with positivity. All you pessimists out there beware: here's Johnny! And he's psychotically waving an axe through the front door of Blundell Park in the direction of all the miserable gets whinging about the appointment of Graham Rodgerers. Positive John reminds them how close Town were to promotion thanks to Rodergers' efforts as Bustle Slade's assistant. And all those who think the reserves winless season (which Rodgerers was in charge of) is a barometer of what is to come need to be told. The reason: a restrictive budget meant there was a lack of first team reserves, too many youngsters were asked to fill in and these games were frequented by numerous trialists who couldn't be arsed and/or were rubbish. And where are these people who wanted a big name manager and accused the club of going for the cheap option? I know not. Whoever said the easy, 'cheap' option is automatically the worst?
If you are in doubt as to who is under contract and who is not, then let your mind be at ease. The club's official site lists, in an idea not too dissimilar to a feature found elsewhere on the internet, such first-team luminaries as Jermaine Palmer and Glen Downey as being 'out of contract'. Those players who are still with Town seem to form a more than capable 'spine'. Maybe even Terry of Barwick. And, let us be positive: seven players under Rodgerers' control is three more than what Slade inherited two years ago. Now if we can get Parky and Goodfellow re-signed to provide width for Rodgerers' promise of on-the-floor more-attacking footie... oooo... I am purring like a pussy at the mere thought. Scratch between my ears, Ernst Blofeld.
Some News on which players will be Town's next season. A report yesterday says that Oh Lord Mildenhall is to decide on his future with Town "in the next few days". With the BBC concentrating on that World Cup TM thing you can excuse them for thinking Milds arrived from Oldham. Some fans love Tom Newey; others hate him. If you fall into the latter camp about the dawdling left-back, then you're going to have to raise your tolerance levels and seek a way of lowering your blood pressure, as a club mouthpiece doesn't share your views: Tommy N is staying next season. Another player the club wants to remain in the black and white strips/halves/hoops is Luton's Michael Reddy. "We don't want to sell our best players," communicates the man upstairs, forgetting that it's not been a week since the club sold one of our best players to Hibs of the rubbish Scottish "Premierleague".
...which neatly segues to our rummage in the Diary's inbox. First up is a lengthy note from John Scott, who hails from that homeland of tarts, Bakewell in Derbyshire, questioning if Stick Jones's recent move wasn't completely football-related: "Bring up a kid in a) Grimsby or b) Edinburgh? A hard one that." A hard one indeed, especially since the Jones family will have trouble putting their little one down to sleep with all that boomin' noise on New Year's Eve. "I've just read further down your column and can take the 'playing for fourth place' crack [in Thursday's Diary] as that's probably true. However, you could argue that all bar ONE of your glorious Premiership play for second place. Only that's not true either as it's ONE for first, THREE playing for second and the rest making up the numbers. You've a country of 50 million to Scotland's five million. So why do you have to employ so many foreign players then? At least Jones is off to a team of exciting young British/Scots players. Your infantile derogatory remarks underline why we Jocks will support anyone other than mighty 'Engerlund'. Keep wrapping yourself in Scottish colours, singing the British anthem and tell the world how great it is to be English. Oh, and enjoy your trip to see Rotherham pre-season. I and my mates will be off to Europe to see the Hibees.
[pause for breath]
"One last thought: I know nothing about your team or league. That's why I've not slagged them off. To your credit you haven't taken the easy route by supporting one of the big Premiership clubs. Likewise I don't support either of the Old Firm. I'd rather pull my teeth with a pair of pliers. However, given you think so little of my team and/or league I'm amazed you know so much about both. I bet Rob Jones knows less about Hibs than you. That will change and I bet you any amount of money he WILL be impressed. I'll put your remarks down to disappointment he's leaving. That being so it's to Hibs' benefit. I hope sincerely you enjoy the coming season." Reading that, you'd think the top flight of Scotland was one of the best in Europe, that it is the fault of the Town-supporting Diary writer for the Scottish hating the England football team, and we give a toss about the English Premiership. Which we don't. But thanks anyway John.
A quick consult of the JF Book of Positivity shows we should look for Words of Praise, and lo!, here are some from 'Meggies Rockchick Manhunter' regarding Friday's Guest Diary-penned diary, "the coolest Diary entry ever. Thank you for keeping the spirit of The Lizard King alive in Grimsby! Bugger the regular Diary and his obscure alternative/indie band that no-one's ever heard of references. I think you should take up permanent daily diary residency. We need more ROCK on CA!" Indeed we do! If only we could find a half-decent rhythm section. And Rich Mills is a man who half-agrees, I think: "The Doors? I said Zappa!"
It is time to scarper. On a final note, I will leave you with this musing from Dave the Engineer. "Can anyone tell me who the last player of the year was who actually stayed for another year? Next year let's all vote for Sir Glen or Newey if they are still in our employ." Guten abend!