Cod Almighty | Diary

A rush and a push and the land is ours

22 April 2022

NEWSBANG!
Only kidding. No news bangs at all. The choo-choo train of a season is pulling into the terminus, probably at platform 6 or 7, which suits us fine, and all is reasonably quiet and well. This peaceful state of affairs is of course dependant on John MaCatee/mCaTee/MCatee/mcaTEe/McAtee's mysterious shoulder/wrist/hand/elbow injury, which has the potential to send our little chugger careering off the rails.

Incidentally, is that the worst first paragraph in Cod Almighty diary history? I was on Radio Hullberside this morning giving the lucky listeners my 'Thought for the Day' and the pressure of trying to have more than one thought in a day is making me weak. Two thoughts in a day? At my age? I feel drained, empty, listless. Oh dear. Poor old fool. Where was I?

Oh yeah, JM's injury seems to be the subject of much speculation, with some commentators even suggesting the one-armed bandit will make a surprise appearance tomorrow, having faked his injury for clever tactical purposes that I am too thick to understand. Others are suggesting he will be out for weeks and the club is trying not to mention it because it will lead to mass despair and unrest in the streets. We should all cross our fingers, including JM, if he is able to, for he is our talisman, our joker in the pack, our Puck, our Suzy Creamcheese. Perhaps not that last one. What we don't need at this crucial stage is a game of 'guess which random strikers are on the pitch today' which we were subjected to during JM's last bout of the leg poorlies.

Tomorrow we entertain Torquay, although the word 'entertain' is a cliché too far from me. I really don't want the Torquemadas, as they are known, to be entertained, and I wish them a very miserable long coach drive back to their beautiful county tomorrow night. Nothing personal, boys. I mean, I don't want you to get caught up in the traffic problems currently plaguing the M5, or to be delayed by a contraflow system in Somerset. Nor do I want the clutch to go in your luxury coach, causing a long wait for assistance on the hard shoulder of the M4. (Nearly traumatised myself with the use of the word "shoulder" there. Get well soon, JM). Just lose and be shit, that's all. That is the only thing I want from you. Go on. Please.

Sadly, the Talkies, as they are also known, are in decent form. As an aside, on a cold February night I once booked a holiday in Torquay for a week in October, only to find when the fixture list came out that we were playing them away from home in that very same week. How rarely does fate throw golden coins upon the humble man? But that time it did rain plenty. 

So, tough match ahoy, poss main man out, play offs makeable but missable. Whatever happens, look on the bright side. Even if we don't go up, it should be a while before we have to play at King's Lynn again. UTFM!

PS Tommy Trinder. Just added that for the alliteration in the preview.