Cod Almighty | Diary

Now! Now! Now!

10 June 2022

I still can’t believe it. Can you? GTFC, eh?

Those of you fishy heroes who went to London last Sunday sadly may have missed out on matchwinner JMD’s rather mystical post-match interview. Now, I have a no-research policy for my diaries, so I'm writing from memory, but if I recall it went something like this:

Interviewer: You scored the winner! What does that feel like?
JMD: Sometimes things are just right... are just meant to be.
Interviewer: What was the atmosphere like here today?
JMD: Sometimes, the stars are all aligned, the stars are all aligned... just right.
Interviewer: It was your team spirit that got you through today, wasn’t it?
JMD: We are starlight. We are golden. Hail Shulsaga, stellar goddess.

Doubtless his nature had taken a turn for the spiritual because he was also planning to propose to his girlfriend two days later, and congratulations and good luck to them both.

Now then. These are among the countries which drive on the left hand side of the road: India, South Africa, Australia, the United Kingdom, Fiji, Thailand, Malta. These are some countries that drive on the right: France, Germany, the United States, Canada, Blundell Park, Russia.

I've only been going to the Theatre of Fish for my whole life and it never occurred to me to question it before. Why is the Blundell Park car park so continental? It pre-dates Ivano Bonetti so I'm sure it wasn't a demand he made on his contract. If I ever visit the club shop I have to remind myself that I am now entering a foreign country and if I drive on the left I risk a bumper to bumper with an angry groundsman. Surely this should have been the new regime's priority on taking over the club? Yes, getting us promoted after one season is all very well, but if the league finds out we have a cockeyed car park we could be in big trouble. Sort it, chaps.

Mind you, you know what my definition of a futile job is? The people who paint the white arrows in a Tesco car park. They may as well have painted saucy caricatures of Christopher Biggins for all the notice people take of them.

Today's big news is we have a new kit sponsor. Welcome, myenergiuk, which incidentally, is also the name of JMD’s Native American spirit guide. They are all about "driving social change to build a stronger community with a more positive cultural perception." I'm pretty sure that doesn't mean anything, but welcome anyway. They are also committed to making Grimsby "Europe's Green Town" which will be a step up from "Europe's Least Green Town", our current status. The very best of luck to them, and us – let's hope for a fruitful collaboration.

Also in the news, we are selling quite a lot of season tickets, though we need to sell more! Get yourself down there, you dithering dunderheads! We're back in the League! You could play your part in driving social change to build a stronger community with a more positive cultural perception!

After all the heroics this team put in to get us there the least you can do is get yourself to BP, steer yourself randomly around the car park and get yourself a golden ticket. I've checked the astro charts and the stars are aligned, do it now! Don't even read the last paragraph of this diary, it's plain silly and it’s not even about football! Go now!

Do you ever wonder, if a fish wore a hat, whereabouts it would be on its body? It has a head, but not one with an obvious hat area. I suppose it could be on the top fin. Look, are you still reading this rubbish? Get yourself to the club shop NOW!