Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 4 July 2007

4 July 2007

It's 4 July 2007 and I'm Deviant Diary. With fish in hand and hope in our heart let's all sing the Grimsby National Anthem. As we woke by dawn's early light, to see the grass growing at Blundell Park, a new day stretched before us. What wonders to behold, what secrets will be revealed as the minutes tick-tock away?

The interminable non-story of Stoke's fifth- or possibly sixth-choice striker not signing for Town is reaching its denouement. No, it wasn't all a dream, we are still two divisions below our little brothers from Scunny. The GET is still filling space with tales of drunkenness and cruelty, and tales of ex-Town players signing for other teams. How about Coyne coining it at Tranmere? All very well but, future Kiwi and former Cod Almighty statistician Andy Holt is confused by the recent proliferation of Thorpes in Cleethorpes and the Breaking News! (sic) that "Thorpe has signed for Brentford". "I'm getting confused now. Was this the one that signed for us but never got fit?" Listen very carefully Andy, I shall type this only once: Lee Thorpe, who played bunch of games under Groves/Rodger, has signed for Brentford. Tony Thorpe, who played a bunch of minutes under Rodger, has disappeared. Thorpe Park was under water, and is now dry. The last two are not linked, constable.

And don't forget Jeremy Thorpe who, as Guest Diarist observes from a deep compost heap in deepest Lincolnshire, was both "a wise and foolish man. The David Cameron of the Liberal party (in his day), he was prone to conspiracy to murder and having gay lovers. There was something about a dog as well, but my memory has faded." To de-fade your memory, the hitman killed the dog on Bodmin Moor, Mr GD. Ah, 70s memories, we'll be reminiscing about flexidiscs in Ready Brek next. Sacha Distel and the Ted Heath Orchestra delivered straight to your breakfast table. Life was simple, and so were we.

Dogs and politicians - go together like a horse and porridge. All of which is a poor excuse to ruminate upon the rumblings of Mitt Romney, the Republican presidential candidate whose favourite book is by L Ron Hubbard (Mormons and Scientology together at last!). You're going on holiday, what do you do with the dog? Strap him to the roof of your car and tootle off, of course. The man has initiative, he's a problem solver, he's what the world needs in these troubled times.

At last! News! A multi-million investment for the Mariners. Natch, wrong Mariners. When it stops raining you should cut your lawn, it's looking a little shaggy.

There's always tomorrow.