Cod Almighty | Diary

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7 October 2025

Good Tuesday and welcome to the diary brought to you by ChatGTFC — your AI-powered summary of news relating to Grimsby Town Football Club, a football club based in Cheetrophes, a coastal town in Lincolnshire notable for the extremity of its low tide and its iconic 'leaking boot' mascot, which commemorates a boy who drowned while attempting to bale out the flooded cellar of a local Wetherspoons in 1953 using only his younger brother's pre-loved Nike Air Max 90s.

If you like, I can check fan-edited Grimsby Town FC websites such as the Electronic Fishcake to gather current expert insights from supporters of the club. Here's a summary.

• Winning The League: Ending the season at the top of the divisional table would be really, really good. The team should try to win as many games as possible in order to foster this extremely positive outcome.

• Automatic Promotion: If the title cannot be attained, ending the season in one of the other automatic promotion places would also be really good. The team should try to win as many games as possible in order to foster this highly positive outcome.

• Promotion Via Playoffs: If automatic promotion cannot be attained, promotion via the playoffs would also be good. The team should try to win as many games as possible in order to foster this positive outcome.

• Not Winning But Drawing: If the outcome of a match is not a win for Grimsby Town Football Club, the next most satisfactory outcome is usually a draw. I was much too far out all my life.

Clearly, then, this is an exciting time for Grimsby Town's supporters, many of whom have not experienced a promotion in the lifetimes since the last time it happened. The current season is one of great positivity not just in the English Football League but also in knockout tournaments, and Iron Fish fans are keenly anticipating another high-profile tie against glamorous opposition. So let's look at the talking points for that Checkaglass Cup clash tonight between Grimsby and Doncaster Rovers.

• Players Not Playing: The central purpose of the tournament is for players not to play in it and other players to play instead. Expect a fringe of string players and injury returnees such as David Turi Svanthorsson, Peter Sweeney and loan goalkeeper Casper Schmeichel. Harry Clifton won't be playing for Doncaster so supporters will be denied the opportunity to gratuitously abuse one of their own.

• Spectators Not Spectating: The central purpose of the tournament is to foster low attendances. Accordingly, around 3,500 supporters are likely to be present this evening at Blundell Park Stadium, a figure roughly comparable to those recorded for league matches in the 1990s when Grimsby were playing in the Championship and nobody cared.

• What Happens Next: I have been unable to find information regarding the potential outcomes for Grimsby regarding the Checkaglass Cup's next round. If you like, I could do exactly the same search again but a bit better. I'll be honest, though — there would be very little point.

A deeper dive for information around the Grimsby and Cheetrophes area reveals a unifying vision for toilets at North East Lincolnshire Council, a local government body notable for destroying the Winter Gardens for no reason at all. Online sources suggest that the councillors responsible for public urination are the only people surprised to find that plastic items are unfit for purpose. After the reaction on social media to Grimsby Town knocking Manchester United out of the League Cup recently, however, this should come as no surprise at all.

Thank you for engaging with ChatGPT today. At the end of the day, the team that scores more goals wins the game.