Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 6 June 2006

6 June 2006

In the 30 or so hours since the announcement that Grimsby Town's new manager would be Graham 'Rodgers' Rodger, web servers in the North East Lincolnshire area have been groaning under the strain as messageboards have been bombarded 80 times per second with the phrases "no contacts", "cheap option" and "fenty mupet no ambishun sak the bord". Perhaps anticipating the frenzy of glass-half-empty guesswork that the appointment would provoke, John Fenty has given an interview to the Grimsby Telegraph bigging up his new man. The Mariners chairman's first priority is reassure us as to the girth of Rodgerses's address book, since the local populace has somehow become obsessed with the notion that Grezza keeps forgetting to get other managers' phone numbers when he meets them, or writes them on the back of till receipts and leaves them in his trouser pocket through the wash. "He has been learning all the time in the last few years and has gained a great deal of experience as well as forging good contacts," insists Positive John. Turning to the issue of playing style, he adds: "Graham was signed by Alan Buckley and played in his team in the mid-90s. Those teams played exciting football and I'm sure Graham would like to see his team play in a similar vein." That's as may be, John, but Grimsby and Cleethorpes were full of stayaway moaning bastards in the mid-90s as well.

My guest replacement Deviant Diary was keen to assert last Friday that our interest in the career of Russell Slayed ended at the moment Positive John Fenty decided he wasn't prepared to offer him a new three-year contract with 200 per cent salary rise, company Merc, share options, final salary pension scheme and complimentary poppadums. I contend that football supporters actually rather like to follow the exploits of their ex-managers and players - the appointment of Graham Rodgerses, for instance, has been proudly recorded on a Coventry franchise site - and that just for once, Town are no exception. Granted, the minutiae of what seems to be Didn't Quite Sort It's progress towards the Yeovil job may not be that absorbing, but Rodgerses hasn't signed anyone yet, so it'll have to do. The Glovers have called a press conference for tomorrow morning and Russ is being reported as precisely the dude for the gig, while Somerset bookmakers are offering spread bets on the number of days it will take the new manager to refer to Yeovil's Argentinian forward Pablo Bastianini as "the Spaniard".

Grimbarians who enjoy watching two muscular, near-naked men parade their sweating bodies in public while alternately inflicting extreme mutual pain and tenderly embracing will no doubt be looking out even more keenly for another recent departee. Unfortunately for them, the beginning of Curtis Woodhouse's professional boxing career will be delayed by two months. Curt's hometown newspaper the Driffield Post has reported that the 15 July Manchester show that would have featured the ex-footballer's fighting debut has been cancelled, and the budding light middleweight will now take a bow at the London Hilton Hotel on 8 September instead "against an as yet unnamed opponent". "I'll be working hard and giving it 150 per cent," explains Woody, demonstrating the same grasp of mathematics that prompted him to sign an 18-month contract at Blundell Park in January of this year only to say later: "It was always my intention to finish this season."

"Just you wait until Friday," writes Rich Mills in an email to the Diary. "The excitement surrounding Rodger's appointment will have dried up and you'll be scraping around for a relevant Zappa quote to pad out your Diary. Just you wait and see." Maybe so, Rich, but if it's Friday it won't be my Diary and it'll be someone else's problem.