Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 2 June 2006

2 June 2006

"Sort It has just left the building - those are his footprints right there"

Ex-Grimsby Town manager Mr Russell 'Sort the Resilient Frenchman's Work Ethic' Slade has been "strongly linked" with the unvacant manager's position at Millwall. That Nigel Spackman, eh - he's done nothing but some interior decorating since he got there last week. He's gotta go. You can't stand still in football, unless you are Lumpaldinho. Hey Sven, it's not too late to take the talismanic ex-Tranmere top-shot. All the way with Gary J is the invisible sticker on everyone's bumper this summer.

Oh, Slade's going to be Spackman's assistant. His number two. Which is what some were rather rudely calling him anyway.

Are we really bothered what job Russell Slade does next. No, thought not. As Frank Zappa sang, possibly in a pink T-shirt: he's history, he's baloney without the mayo.

Hooray, hooray, it's a holi-holiday for Chairman Positive John. Better than going on a deadlock holiday, but what of the future? No dear, future, not Futcher. But if you insist: Dario Fo at Crewe wants to pay money for him. Oh please sir, do sir. Then he'll be a mardy Gradi when he sees what he's brought back from football's Netto. Yes, Chairman Miaow is going to be supping his pina colada whilst twisting by the pool for a couple of weeks and we may, or may not, have a manager by the time he goes, or comes back. It's a simple as that.

Sometime Postbag editor Mark Stilton has been standing on a street corner, half a bottle of Martini in left hand, a can of Irn Bru in the other, and come over all maudlin at the thought of yet another new dawn. He has visions of Nicky Law, which would cause anyone to seek comfort in half a bottle of Martini. His detailed analysis, submitted in a paper to the Royal Society, is summarised thus:

(a) Fenty will rush to appoint someone this week in a panic and it'll be a Nicky Law scenario

(b) Fenty won't rush and will bugger off for his 2 weeks hols at the end of this week (see OS) and then he'll take his time making an appointment. The new manager will be in post and will have 2 weeks to assemble a team. It will be a Nicky Law type team.

(c) Fenty won't rush until he comes back from his hols, then he'll rush and we'll get a rubbish manager with not enough time to build a decent squad. It will be a double Nicky Law scenario.

You know that'd make a good letter - if only we had such a forum.

The flip side of this is from internet betting gnu Mat Hare: "We all need to chill, it's in hand baby." Does he know something we don't? Is it a cryptic crossword clue? Is he Ted Rogers? "Chill"? What chills? A refrigerator, which is commonly known as a fridge. Is there a manager called Alfie Fridge? Google just gives us Alan Partridge fridge magnets, which would, at least be an innovative appointment. Too late, PJ - the auction ended before the Cardiff capitulation. A-ha - an old fridge uses greenhouse gases. What do you find in a greenhouse? Plants, that's what. The next manager of Grimsby Town is Robert Plant. Another Cod Almighty exclusive. Or Nicky Tomato.

In the meantime the new commercial manager cranks Town into the 21st century with an enlightened evening of sophisticated wit and repartee. Or is this the new management team? So many questions, so few answers, much like my chemistry A-level exam.

And on that bombshell we thank you for reading in this week of weeks. It started with a miss; you never thought it would come to this.