Cod Almighty | Diary

The things that you love start to own you

1 April 2022

If you saw a newspaper with the headline "Not Much Happens" you'd be unlikely to buy it. Indeed, you'd be unlikely to buy it anyway, since print newspapers are going the way of the pig's-bladder ball, but generally no news is bad news for the press barons. It is the same for the Cod Almighty diarist, who is left trying to carve a GTFC news sculpture out of a very small rock. Tomorrow we have a biggie at the Chesterfields, but somehow the week still seems a little flat.

Great performances and terrible performances will always give us something to wibble on about, but Town this season have been so adequate that any complaints or praise seem misguided. We have beaten the teams below us, lost to the teams ahead of us and have a chance of the play-offs without ever building enough momentum or excitement to get people confident of a quick return to the league, at least after the first dream-like ten games.

Are you optimistic about our chances of three points at the Chesterfields? If this team has a higher gear it can slip into for the so-called six pointers, I'm yet to see any evidence of it. But you never know, do you? We've now got a bloke, called Roy Cropper I believe, who can throw the ball more than three yards. All we need is someone with some kind of killer instinct in the box to go with him and we might become an attacking force once again. Did you see his first long throw against Dagenham and Redbridge? The ball bobbled its happy way through their penalty area whilst our forwards looked at it like a sheep looks at a train. I could see Cropper's exasperation from the other side of the pitch.

Our magnifique away fans will doubtless be there in numbers, despite the freezing April conditions, and god bless every last one of them. A victory would be a massive confidence booster and might even make middle-aged misery guts diarists get out the league tables, the calculators and the play-off final dates. Even though, deep in our heart of hearts, we know they are going to clash with some accursed relative's wedding or some such shit.

MEDICAL NOTE: If you suspect your heart has another heart inside it, or you have more than one heart generally, please consult a doctor. Similarly if there is a groove in your heart (Deee-Lite), your heart is on fire (John Cafferty) or, similarly, burning (Survivor). If it is shattered (Brandy) it is probably already too late and may explode (The Darkness).

I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.

Lastly, a reminder that tonight, at Mcmenememeny's, special guest D'Wayne Fandango will be talking about his incident-packed Town career through an interpreter and a megaphone. Expect to learn the inside story on the infamous Spaghetti Bolognese Incident with Brian Laws, how Alan Buckley taught him to keep the ball on the ground even when taking a throw-in, and how he once spiked Mike Newell's vodka with Sunny Delight, leading to a most unexpectedly lucid and philosophical team talk. There are a few tickets still available (restricted view only). Strippers and free bar. Kick off 7.30.