Cod Almighty | Diary

You're no fisherman's friend!

15 June 2016

Wicklow Diary writes: After a sweaty four days carefully constructing another error-ridden and garbled press release, Town's communications department could relax last night. Playful hints were dropped about new signings and having misplaced Lloyd Griffithses's pen. I'm not in the mood yet. You and your new pen can fuck right off.

Sorry about the language but there is no other word that gets the job done in this case. And don't be giving me any grief about my punctuation, grammar, made-up words or starting sentences with 'and' either. They get paid for it. I skip my breakfast to do this for you feckers. Breakfast is one of my favourite meals, and missing it can make me excessively angry.

I was going to write today about John Fenty but why bother. Let's be honest, neither of us have the energy. Not even three Shredded Wheat will crack that. Anyway, pick a random CA diary in the past 12 years and you'll see a better-written exposition. Is that hounding him? Does CA have it in for John Fenty? Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not ruining our football club.

It's hard to maintain the levels of anger, especially when you have seen it all before. After a few days of incandescence, you manage to calm a little, shove the episode into the GTFC cock-ups and fuck-ups box in your head, and desperately try to cram the lid shut.

For clarity, a cock-up is just everyday incompetence, when we haven't a rashers what we're doing and mess something up. For instance, giving Danny Butterfield away for free. A fuck-up is where we have a simple yes/no decision to make and make a monumentally stupid one. The Football League AGM gave us the latest example on that front.

I could rattle on that if a manager was as rubbish at their job as Fenty is at his, they would be sacked and never work in football again. Paradoxically, his failures down the years have strengthened his grip on the club. My grandad would say that Fenty's the type to fall into a sewer and come up wearing a new brown suit.

It's death us do part with Town and their benign lender. He looks healthy, and judging by that time he got his shirt off in the centre circle at Blundell Park, he keeps himself in good shape. Let's face it, he's going to go on and on, like the Queen Mum. To outlive him and see a post-Fenty era, Town and football itself will have to survive this B team thing, a new stadium that will make Glanford Park look palatial, C, D and E teams, zombies and the 2035 takeover attempt by Cleethorpes Town. We've no chance.

If you think I'm exaggerating how bad I think the Peaks Parkway Fentydome will be, cast your mind back to that time in 2003 when we tried to make our own kit. Orange neon logos in a naff font and material that tried to set you on fire when you celebrated a goal. OK, that's an exaggeration. We didn't have many goals to celebrate that season. But we won some cracking throw-ins.

The generation of Town fans who lost their promotion cherry at Wembley may wonder why the rest of us are so upset. They've only ever lived in Fentyworld. Years of terrible, terrible decisions compounded by bad communication are all they know

The generation of Town fans who lost their promotion cherry at Wembley may wonder why the rest of us are so upset. They've only ever lived in Fentyworld. Years of terrible, terrible decisions compounded by bad communication are all they know. 

As so often with Town, it's the hope that stings you. Last year, when Ched Evans was looking to restart his football career, Town were one of the clubs he contacted. The Telegraph story reads exactly how you'd hope a tricky situation like this should be handled by the club. The board, including our voice in the form of Dave Roberts and Jon Wood, voted against and we move on. Credit to John Fenty and all round.

Where was that sound thinking last Friday in Portugal?

As original/regular Diary pointed out yesterday, the primary blame lies with the Football League's CEO, Shaun Harvey. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. The Football League CEO came to the table with a list of agreements from the Premier League teams around their participation. The man who represents our league and our clubs consulted with the Premier League first before even suggesting the idea to his own constituency. Why couldn't the consultation take place simultaneously, allowing Town and the other clubs to review and prepare for the vote?

On reflection, it's a tactic as familiar as 4-4-2. The FA flies everyone out to a nice hotel. Perhaps a drinks reception the night before for everyone to get acquainted. Some good food and a mention of tee times at the local links, and by the time the meeting starts, the spell is cast. The salesman has you where he wants you. A pliant audience feeling important in their suits. Weakened enough to accept whatever is thrown at them in whatever manner. B team bombshell? Oh, OK then. Reduced voting threshold? Fire away.

Of course, this doesn't excuse Fenty and the rest. Anyone shrewd enough to make millions in business should have seen this sting coming. I think it was the great philosopher Homer Simpson who said it takes two to lie: one to lie and the other to listen. That's why five days later, many clubs haven't issued a statement or confirmed that they voted in favour. The spell is broken and they know there is no rational explanation for their actions. It's either that or they have utter contempt for the people they see as customers.

Some of the explanations will make steam issue from your ears. Chesterfield's eejitery is the pick of the bunch: opposed to the idea, but voted yes because everyone else seemed to be. 

The Mariners Trust having two directors on the board is one of the best things to happen to GTFC in my time as a supporter. Thank you John Fenty for your part in this (there's that hope again). Don't go messing it up by not listening to us or even giving us an opportunity to speak. In the case of future league meetings, if three directors are attending, at least one should be a trust director.

There, I knew if I rambled on long enough they'd find Lloyd's pen. Zak Mills is the first to sign with it this morning... although worryingly, we haven't seen the picture as proof. Maybe the Football League's credibility wasn't the only thing lost in Portugal. 

A full-back from Boston United who can play across the back four, with a chuffing great throw, is what Matt Dannatt says, and that's good enough for me. Boston have been alright with us since we sent them Dayle Southwell, so hopefully this signing was done correctly and won't require any court cases (not sure if that episode goes in the cock-up or fuck-up category). After years of panicking whenever the opposition had a long throw merchant, it's nice to have a signing who comes with that option. A two-year deal is encouraging to see too.

Here's Zak in action, and executing the rarely seen injury-time long throw/shanked cross/thunderbastard routine.

What else have we got? Former Town manager Dave Booth was back at Blundell Park to say hello yesterday and caught up with Dale for Mariners Player. Dave's had an interesting career across three continents so the interview is worth checking out. Of perhaps more interest, though, is the scoop that he was seen talking to a long-trousered Dave Moore. Now the rest of Europe may be talking about Gabor Kiraly's magnificent sweat pants but our physio wearing a pair came as a huge shock to me. We can only speculate that they are special liquid nitrogen-lined pants designed to protect those around Dave from the intense heat that his legs emit during the summer months.

Finally, Podge, Tait, Toto and Arnold will turn into pumpkins if they don't sign before Tuesday, so we'll be out of our misery either way by then. Well, that particular misery anyway. I'm sure we can find another by then.