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Cod Almighty | Diary

When the transfer window slams shut for the very last time, it will be met with a universal yawn

2 September 2014

Yesterday, the transfer window "slammed shut". Transfer windows always slam shut for the same reason that teams "crash out" of cups. Once upon a time it sounded dramatic. Now it's just a ready-to-hand phrase for a busy sub-editor.

The drama is diluted because there are just so many transfer windows:

  • The deadline for clubs to sign new players on permanent contracts
  • The deadline for clubs to sign players on long-terms loans
  • The deadline for clubs to sign players on emergency loans
  • The deadline for clubs to sign goalkeepers if all their goalkeepers are fatally ill, badly injured or just feeling like they could use a day or two with their feet up
  • The deadline for broadcasters to sign ex-pros with a couple of England caps to punctuate commentaries with the phrase "In fairness to the boy, he'll be disappointed with that"
  • The deadline for ludicrous, self-basting local businessmen to sign high-profile ex-footballers with well-publicised addiction problems to boost interest in a languishing non-League club and have them appear in two matches showing one or two "touches of the old magic" and then disappearing without trace

There are days when football, or rather football reporting, does not resemble a cheap imported Brazilian soap. Yesterday was not one of them. Every time a window "slams shut", the set wobbles. Future generations, coming upon some footage in a digital archive, will look upon our works and despair. Apparently tired of reporting real events, the BBC's ten o'clock news got in on the act. Someone from Deloittes said there was no reason to think the bubble of finance at the top end of football would end. He no doubt said something similar about banking in 2007.

Middle-Aged Diary's favourite transfer deadline story is the rumour that one year Alan Buckley left the office early to avoid getting sucked into any deals. I am delighted that Paul Hurst appears to have followed his example. Whether he'd have been so passive had he known Scunthorpe were about to recall Andrew Boyce we don't know.