Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 26 January 2004
26 January 2004
A brief flutter of nerves was felt in some quarters this morning as the official website of Barnsley FC announced that a new signing would be unveiled at Oakwell this morning, and then subsided again when the blushing bride was not Michael Boulding but Marlon Beresford. Town's leading scorer continues to unsettle the constitution, however, as the Grimsby Telegraph reports fresh interest from Derby and Hull while BBC Humber insists that, as if Barnsley's Gudjon Thordarson were not enough, Peterborough's Barry Fry remains in the hunt for the 13-goal frontman dude. "It seems he's one of a number of clubs following Boulding," reports BBC Humber, proving once again that you should never let programmers write copy.
While we are making fun of people who can't write - and when aren't we?!! - the Diary is just about hungover and crotchety enough today to unfairly single out "C Parker, season ticket holder and shareholder, Grimsby", whose letter in today's Grimsby Telegraph reckons "Blame has been levied at everyone". Ha ha ha. To be fair, C goes on to implore readers to "Get down to Blundell Park on Saturday in numbers and get behind everyone in a black and white shirt": sentiments the Diary is happy to endorse.
Town are letting two kids in free with each grown-up for this Saturday's encounter with high-flying Bristol City. "The deal is, 2 free junior tickets in any stand, as long as they are accompanied by at least one responsible adult," explains the club's official site, neglecting to give details of the responsibility test supporters will face when visiting the ticket office.
The Diary in no way approves of messing with the stuff of people's souls, but can't get through the day without sharing the news that Stacy Coldicott's four-year-old labrador Ronnie has been plunged into a tug-of-love battle between the Mariners permacrock and his estranged wife Steph, whose appearance on TV's Big Brother mercifully kept the Diary stocked with copy throughout the football-free months of last summer. Stace made a crafty dash down to his home town of Redditch last week to snatch said pooch from under the very nose of his missus, who has moved back in with her parents in the abysmal midlands shithole. Cue a return journey to Grimmo by the chubby-cheeked spouse, who scarpered back down the M1 with Ronnie after a tense stand-off with her ex. The Blundell Park physiotherapy department, meanwhile, is as surprised as Steph and the dog to see Stacy exhibit something approaching match fitness.
A quantity of interesting spam has arrived in the Diary's inbox, and we will work through it over the course of the week, but not before the following contribution from Michael Shelton, who last week joshingly suggested that a former England manager might replace Paul Groves one day soon only for him to be immediately booked in at BP as an after-dinner speaker. The former England manager, that is, not Michael. "I was amazed at the coincidence of the article on the official site saying Graham Taylor is coming to speak in Grimsby. As I'm sure you're aware, my email was in no way related to this, it was just the latest in my long line of ridiculous suggestions. However, on the plus side, news that Graham Taylor is in fact coming to speak at the club can only help to spread my nasty rumour that he'll replace Mr G (blood-curdling cackle). PS the dairy's brilliant, keep up the good work." Thanks fella. I do enjoy milking the applause.
Ryan Collins is the sort of name you expect to see on the front cover of a best-selling paperback by a former commander in the SAS, so I'd best be careful how I respond to his email. "Maybe you would like to tell us where this apparent fighting took place on Tuesday night?" he writes, in response to Friday's Diary. Hmmm... was it the Libyan embassy? You do seem a bit defensive about the whole thing, Ryan, if you don't mind my saying so; were you in any way involved in this apparent fighting that didn't happen? No - don't shoot!
And finally, a wee word from Mark Stilton, who reminds us once more never to believe a word you read in the papers. "The Telegraph claim an Alan Pouton backheel set up Henderson's consolation goal for Gillingham on Saturday," he writes. "Soccerbase say this goal was scored in the 71st minute. No big deal maybe, but it also says Pouton was substituted on 62 minutes. A move that lasted 9 minutes and involved a substitution - not bad."