Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 9 November 2004

9 November 2004

The Mariners' search for a target man could soon be over, with the news that the club is weighing up an approach for Everton's veteran former Scotland international 'Big' Duncan Ferguson. Unfortunately, that's the Australian A-League side Central Coast Mariners, so Grimbarians will have to content themselves with the news that Halifax Town's bid to sign 'Biggish' Darren Mansaram on a permanent basis has been laughed out of court by Mr Russell Slade. Rather than fork out to have players surgically removed from the payroll, as has usually been the case in recent seasons, GTFC are insisting upon being the ones receiving cash in the case of Dazmaz; hence the announcement that the club has waved aside "a derisory offer" from the Shaymen for the player's services. Australians can sleep soundly in their beds now that Flash is back at Blundell Park (injured: back), though the Fax are still talking of a third month's loan.

Town are not appealing, and I don't just mean no bugger will sign for them. Noddy's chums at Blundell Park have decided that, even though last Saturday's referee Nigel Miller sent off Jon Daly for raising his hands when no hands were in fact raised, protesting to the FA against the player's suspension would be a big waste of everyone's time. Reports yesterday suggested strongly that the Mariners would lodge an appeal with the governing body against the referee's obvious blunder, but chief executive Ian Fleming has announced: "The club feels it is not in its best interests to pursue our claim for wrongful dismissal on this occasion," before getting back to writing the new James Bond film. The club is now being fined a thousand English pounds - in old money, nearly two days' worth of Phil Jevons' wages - for making Miller have such a terrible game.

Apologies are all the rage these days. The British have done so much wrong down the years that they have to employ a special lady, Her Majesty Mrs Queen Elizabeth Two, to go around saying sorry to people all over the world for killing their ancestors so we could have an empire or something. And, never an organisation to be left behind the times, Grimsby Town Football Club have said sorry to their former manager Mr Brian Laws because some of their fans sang a song about his wife, and some people thought it was about his last wife, who is no longer with us, so they got upset. Which would be understandable. I think that's it anyway - correct me if I'm wrong.

And finally today, John Fenty has got lots of money. What's that? The Pope is what denomination?