Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Thursday 9 February 2006
9 February 2006
If North East Lincolnshire council are the sort of morons who would demolish Cleethorpes Winter Gardens, which they are, then they are also the sort of morons who are certain to give a big planning permission-shaped thumbs-up to GTFC's spectacularly ugly Fentydome project. Oblivious to this very basic logic, Town have announced that "A Group has been set up to steer the Mariners into their new stadium." Any waverers on the council are sure to be convinced by this sort of language, because even this short sentence includes three of the most fashionable characteristics of 21st-century business-speak:
- the random incorrect use of initial capital letters: 'group' is not a proper noun - but the council are morons, so they'll just think the capital G means the group must be really, really good!
- a passive verb use: why "A Group has been set up" and not "the club has set up a group"? Is the club embarrassed to be associated with the group? It doesn't matter! Passive verb forms make you sound like proper business people!
- unless the group is going to drive a coach to the Fentydome on the day it opens, with all the players inside, the word 'steer' is pure business bullshit of the sort which makes decent people want to vomit but is sure to win over the council!
Steve Evans has seen Russell Slade's "Fen Butcher will definitely be in my 16" and raised him a "I don't think he'll be able to look himself in the face". In the run-up to this Saturday's meeting between Town and Boston the two managers are carrying on an entertaining quarrel around a fingers-crossed promise made by Sort It when Fen Butcher joined GTFC from the Pilgrims last month that the player would take no part in the match. Injuries to Justin Whittle and Rob Jones look likely to force Russ's hand, though, not to mention the temptation to retort: "Well if you're that scared of him, why did you want to get rid in the first place? Anything to do with a shortage of brown envelopes at York Street?" The Boston boss is hopping mad at the prospect of Butcher lining up against his team and has told a passing yokel: "When [Fen] moved there we had a verbal agreement and a handshake that he wouldn't play against us, so for Russell to break that would be morally and ethically wrong." The Diary is contractually obliged at this point to note that Evans is, of course, universally recognised as one of football's leading experts on what is morally and ethically wrong.
If things don't go your way, sue somebody. If that doesn't work, sue your lawyer. It might sound a bit petulant, but hey, if the Football League is successful in the action it has launched against its one-time legal advisors then GTFC stand to regain the lost treasure of the ITV Digital fable. You will recall, no doubt, that Carlton and Granada chose to wind up their football broadcasting venture in 2002 as a way to avoid paying the £132m they owed the league. You will also recall, one would expect, that the league then sued Carlton and Granada for the money and failed. So as a last throw of the dice Brian Mawhinney and his mates are having a go at blaming it all on Hammonds, the Football League's former solicitors, and the case began yesterday at London's High Court. Well, it's worth a try - one would be surprised, after all, if Hammonds were to plead poverty - and, significantly for the Mariners, the league's 72 clubs decided last June that any damages awarded should be split according to the divisions they belonged to at the time of the ITV Digital collapse rather than where they are now. As GTFC gleefully pointed out back then, this means Town would get ten times more and King$ton Communication$ FC ten times less. The case is likely to last at least three weeks, and in the event of success for the league Russell Slade is expected to make a special plea for the transfer window to be reopened.
That's yer lot from me, so ta-ta for now - and it's Guest Diary tomorrow. Hooray!