Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 16 May 2006

16 May 2006

That's better. After yesterday's empty seats shame was followed by a hasty public information campaign to inform the Grimsby and Cleethorpes public about the logistics of the play-off system, and some of the part-timers who turned up in November to see how Alan 'I'm Telling Teacher!' Shearer would cope with being man-marked by Mark Lever realised that there was another match to play, GTFC have now shifted all but a few hundred of the available seats for this evening's semi-final second leg. For their part the visitors, Lincoln 'Empty Seats' City, have found buyers for all but a piffling 200 of their own allocation. I guess the play-offs lose a bit of their appeal when you've been in them as many times as Lincoln.

Mr Russell Slade is in uncharacteristically relaxed form in a Mariners World interview looking ahead to tonight's little kickabout, and even the audio isn't too bad this time. The Town boss reminisces about similar situations during his time at Notts County and Sheffield United, anticipates a tough time this evening, and declares himself dead chuffed with last Saturday's rare old win at Sincil Bank in the first leg - particularly the performance of Fen Butcher, who had a mare in the 5-0 two months earlier. "That was a big thing for Ben," muses a confused Mr Russ, "going back there and reproducing." Hang on - I thought that was Rob Jones?

I expect you want some team news, then, don't you? Thanks to the abovesaid Russnatter, the world may know that His Royal Macness Sir Macca of Mac will not play, cos of the persistent whatever-it-was that saw him subbed out of the first leg. Curtis Woodhouse has a thigh strain but could still be a contender. Tom Newey, Gary Croft and Andy Parkinson - all of whom performed splendidly last Saturday - are all going to play, even though they're not fully fit; and Luton's Michael Reddy will probably start on the bench again, since Sladey was pleased by the contribution of Junior Mendes at Lincoln. He's been a lot better in the last month or so, Mendes, but he never looks anywhere near actually scoring a goal, does he? The idea here, by the way, is that someone at the club reads the Diary and shows it to Junior, and Junior says: "Ha! I'll show him!" and scores three times tonight before crossing for Fen Butcher to head home a fourth. Everyone got that?

"What's with all this bloody positivity?" objects Michael Shelton, in an email to the Diary. "You're supposed to be a Town fan. Allow me to demonstrate: 'Of the ten league play-off ties this season, none have been won by the home side. We don't have a chance. We're going to do a bloody Huddersfield.' Yeah, that's more like it." Everyone got that? Richard 'Bedders' Bedwell, meanwhile, writes: "I usually go for a Pontoon ticket, but due to a late cancelled cricket match and an uncontactable cousin, I've only just bought tickets for tonight. Good news for Town is only a few tickets left, bad news for me is that my tickets were described as 'back of the Main Stand'. Can you actually see the pitch from there?" If Mr Shelton's prognosis proves accurate, the question will be not whether you can see the pitch, Bedders, but whether you want to.

And if the away side should indeed triumph again tonight, readers, remember that it's not the end of the world. The end of the world is when the USA changes its constitution to allow Bush to run for a third term and him and his brother and the neocons rig the whole thing and he wins again. Everyone got that?