Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 4 May 2006

4 May 2006

Forget the groins of Rob Jones and Luton's Michael Reddy. Forget the foot of Jones the Lump and the knee of Gary Croft. Forget the support of a capacity crowd. Forget Oxford's fight to stay up, Orient's nerve and Northampton having nothing to play for. Forget all this, because the outcome of Town's promotion decider this Saturday was decided some time ago in an office at the headquarters of the Football League. Saturday's referee, you see, will be Paul Taylor. The Mariners' official website says: "Paul started refereeing in 1977 and progressed through the Isthmian League to The Football League as an assistant referee in 1986. He was promoted to a Football League referee in 1990. Paul refereed in the 2004 divisional play-offs and was 4th official at the FA Trophy final in the same year. The Hertfordshire official has mainly officiated in League One and Championship games this season." Cod Almighty's match reporter Tony Butcher says: "He started out being very poor and then failed to reach those Olympian heights of competence... He seemed to revel in his public flogging, enjoying the invective and disgust heaped upon him." Yes. Taylor is the Man Who Refereed Against Darlington.

"That pitch invasion was disgraceful and I have made my feeling known to the Grimsby chairman. They have deliberately tried to cheat the game. It started 10 minutes before the end. I'll be reporting it to the FA but there's not a lot you can do about it now. That's very bad sportsmanship." Southend chairman Ron Martin was rendered barely articulate by his rage one year ago when his team's hopes of automatic promotion were curtailed by an unstoppable wave of Grimsby pubescence and the referee ended the match early - and who could blame him? Not that it's gone badly for the Shrimpers since - they went up in the play-offs, and again automatically this season, and they've still got Freddy Eastwood - but 12 months down the line Martin's GTFC counterpart Mr Positive John Fenty has revealed that the club was severely rebuked by "the Football Authorities" as a result and warns that Town may face a points deduction if the same thing happens against Northampton this Saturday. OK, kids? When the bell goes for playtime on Monday morning, just lie and tell each other you went on the pitch. You don't actually have to do it. Consider it a valuable lesson for your future working life.

Well, readers, it'll be Guest Diary here tomorrow to soothe your spirits ahead of Saturday, so that's all from your regular Diary for the regular league season. The irony of supporting a football team at this time of the year is that, for all our desperation and passion, there is nothing that you or I can really do to change anything. All we can do is hope - and even that's stretching it a bit with Paul Taylor refereeing. Mind you, does anyone fancy posing as an Orient fan and invading the pitch at Oxford...?