Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 16 May 2007

16 May 2007

Hi! I'm Deviant Diary, you may remember me from such diaries as 29 March 2007 - Tmesis Or Not Tmesis, and 10 April 2006 - Dentists Have Eyes But The Horses Have Guns.

It's stopped raining and the council have started cutting the grass. Wouldn't it be cheaper and trendily eco-pure to buy some sheep? Meanwhile in the children's playground little Jose, the Iberian fireman's first born, is crying because his dog has run away.

Like Max Bygraves I wanna tell you a story, about a little man, if I can. Town have signed another player! Don't get excited, and not because he's short, because he isn't that short. Of the youthers only Luke Foulkes, a rightish back, has been given six months to prove his innocence. At least he's taller than the maestro of mirth, Sir Alan of Bucksford. Or maybe young Luke is standing on Dale Ladson's step-ladder. But what of the rest of the youth team? We have no answers, just questions. Where are the disappeared? Perhaps Generalissimo Fentyeri hired a helicopter and dumped them 12 miles off Spurn Point.

Shot on! Chance on! Someone has been watching those old Town videos again, this ghostly ring of dark matter was formed when Livvo assassinated Tranmere's bloated keeper and Town stayed up. Just thought you'd like to remember glorious days of Livvo past in these empty moments between showers. That's when we were in the Second Division of English football. Re-mem-em-re-mem-em-member when the only reason Town didn't ascend to the elysian fields of the Showbizship was that the board lacked ambition? Is this what ambition means? A second hand car salesman running a football club? Whatever could go wrong?

A second hand manager running a football team, whatever could go wrong? Cod Almighty's Man of Stats, Mr Andy Holt, believes many things, but one of them isn't that a former manager of Grimsby Town could possibly be a Manager of the Year. Well, Rantin' Russ does specialise in getting himself promoted, but not his teams. It must be the way he wears his hat.

That must be the way to success in life, as well as football: big coats and jaunty hats. Oh, it's started raining again, time for some cheese on toast.

Stay calm, the new kit will be revealed shortly. We'll back to normal : Buckley and Stripes.