Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 11 March 2008

11 March 2008

When they're not obligingly faffing about with 'crossbar challenges' broadcast by the global media corporation that has brought English lower-division football to its knees, there's nothing professional footballers enjoy more between matches than the occasional spot of training here and there. Unfortunately for the Mariners, though, another broadcaster has arrived in town to distract them from the activity of sharpening up their skills, fitness and tactical awareness. According to today's Grimsby Telegraph, ITV turned up at a Town training session last week to drag Tom Newey and Nathan Jarman away from what they were doing so they could take part in some other daft game. True, scoring goals with headers and volleys is a skill that may be more valuable during actual match situations than hitting the crossbar - but as the Mariners prepare for the most crucial stage of the season and bid to sneak into the promotion play-offs, do we really need commercial broadcasters turning up in Grimsby without so much as a by-your-leave to pull players out of training and make them jump through hoops like circus animals?

So to this evening's fixture at home to Barnet, and the Diary, as you may already be aware, is occasionally given to pointing out mistakes by other writers on the worldwide web. In normal circumstances I tend to restrict this to mistakes made by people who are being paid to write (and particularly if they are paid out of the money handed over for tickets and merchandise by Grimsby Town supporters). But sometimes the mistakes are so spectacular, sloppy or just plain relentless that I am obliged to lay in to a fellow amateur. Today is one of those occasions, and the guilty party is 'Jaybee' of the 'Barnet Mad' website, whose preview of tonight's game sets a new world record for factual inaccuracies per line of text. Let's get cracking, shall we?

• "Last Saturday, they lost 1-0 at home" - it was Friday
• "Peter Till who injured his hip on Saturday" - no, it was definitely Friday
• "Philip Barnes, who moved to Grimsby a year ago" - it was June 2006
• "Tom Newey, who joined from Leyton Orient" - no, it was Cambridge United
• "James Hunt, a former Bristol Rovers defender" - that'll be a midfielder then
• "Peter Till, signed last summer from Leyton Orient" - wrong time, wrong place: Till joined on loan from Birmingham in November 2006 and signed permanently the following January. What is this obsession with Orient?
• "In midfield... Gary Jones... who scored 15 goals in the 2005-06 season, including a hat trick against Barnet" - it was 17 goals, and only two of them were against Barnet, but this should be enough to give some sort of clue as to his real playing position
• "Danny North, a 19 year old" - Danny turned 20 last September
• "Martin Butler, a very experienced striker, on loan from Walsall" - Butler signed permanently in January
• "Up front... Ryan Bennett" - well, Mark Lever did it occasionally, I suppose

We'll let the bits pass about Toner and Bolland signing "two years ago" because they're only six or nine months out. For a slightly more accurate look ahead to tonight's game, check out Cod Almighty's pre-match factfile this afternoon, but let's also pay tribute to our comrades at Barnet Mad: to err is human, but to bugger things up as thoroughly as that must take a hell of a lot of dedication.

"I get the feeling the Diary is less than enthralled with Tuesday's win over Morecambe and subsequent trip to Wembley," wrote Martin Robinson in an email to the Diary late last week. Whatever gives you that idea? "I too felt somewhat bored and cold on Tuesday night with little enthusiasm for pitch invasions and celebrations after such a dire game. However, the best thing about the Wembley trip will be meeting up with the Hamburg (St Pauli FC) branch of the Town supporters club (three members so far), one of whom was present at the play-off final in '98. Remember, if you're ever in Hamburg, don't bother with Hamburg SV but watch the boys in brown at St Pauli FC where you can enjoy the football stood on the terrace with a currywurst and a beer in hand." Well, Martin, German football may retain the undeniable charms of beer and terracing, but answer me this: can you turn on a television or radio for the football in Germany and be regaled with the insightful and well-informed punditry of Alan Shearer, Spoony and Tim 'League Three' Lovejoy? Hmm. Where did I put that passport?