Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 26 April 2012

26 April 2012

Hello playmates - 'tis your most Deviant of diaries in fine fettle as the dribbling drabness of drought drenchings and the stench of fetid Fentyisms crawl towards the seasonal sunset. And now the end is near, we've reached the final curtain for so few of the many, or perhaps many of the few. Who needs England internationals, eh? Michael Coulson? Last month he was the toast of the Town but now Town toast.

At least Town will have enough employees to griddle a burger over the summer. Our Impish county cousins are a-frettin' and a-frothin' again with only five footballing types under contract. They may lose their stars, apparently; it's all relative in Lincolnshire, especially down in the fens, of course.

It's all relative in the golden triangle of Nottingham, Derby and Sheffield too. Oh those cheeky chads from Mansfield: it's the old Grimbsy Town routine. The fan fricassees at fun-filled Alfreton have finally reached the courtroom with Dim Derbyites and nutty Notts Forest fans to the fore. Ruddy hooligans. As contrite Kelvin (20) says: "I just need to grow up."

For the masochists and misanthropes among you, Snippy and Drippy are waiting online right now for your short and shouty questions. Who wants to be Tondeurised today? Do you think that? Well, don't ask then. Go to the back of the chatroom and do not pass 'go'.

And finally Cyril, it's not football, but unlike Michael Coulson you need to leave on a smile.

Woah, hold on a tick, there they go! Hot off the cold press: Mr Fluffy is no more and Garner has joined Coulson in the bin.