Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 7 May 2012

7 May 2012

Let's go, children of the fatherland - the day of glory has arrived! As the moneylenders and misanthropes finally get a Gallic hoof up the derrière, let's throw our chapeaus in the air. It's a bank holiday bonjour and let us not forget willkommen, bienvenue, and welcome to Deviant Diary's cabaret.

Money makes the world go around, especially in the World of Blather that is modern football. FA Cup final day: like jumpers for goalposts, a thing of past beauty. With Saturday afternoon bereft of any real football, your average Town fan was reduced to B&Q's wallpaper aisle or an evening with Adrian Chiles: a Hobson's choice from hell. Chelsea v Liverpool was a such a devilish conundrum. Like a kickboxing death fight between the BNP and NF: who do you most want to lose horribly?

Grab your weapons, citizens. Form your battalions. Let us march! Doh, let's just forget about March. And April. Let's just forget about Grimsby Town Football Club plc, eh? Why worry about such trifling things? You'll only get het up over this long hot summer. Don't worry, Shorty (aka Drippy) has revealed the masterplan for next season: we will be Fleetwood. The gruesome twosome want to sign all Fleetwood's rejects and everything will be really nice. The streets are paved with chocolate, the houses made of ice cream and it rains hundreds and thousands and snows icing sugar. And then the magic fairies will start dancing in the chocolate streets and we'll all live happily ever after in a land far, far away, called League Two.

One day we'll step out of the shower and find it's all been a dream.