Cod Almighty | Diary

You probably work in an all-night garage

7 March 2014

Mardy Diary writes: I understand why they do it. I sympathise with the Telewag and other local newspapers who have spent years being stripped to the bare bones while fewer staff attempt to report on more news. So I understand the link-baiting, the need to drive traffic to their site to increase revenue. And we often link to their website when referring to stories – we don't want to see them go out of business, after all. But it's a bit bloody infuriating sometimes, isn't it?

So yesterday a Telegraph headline tells us that Hurst "blasts" the Braintree manager, suggesting some angry spat, some head-to-head, gladiatorial verbal sparring. However, the quotes attributed to Hurst in the article are borderline blithe. You can imagine him shrugging while he makes a barely quotable statement of indifference. "Well, it's not just them and we've got games to fit in too – but obviously not as many as them so I can understand their frustration," he sort of said, in a do-I-have-to-answer-this? manner. This is the news.

It's mostly harmless, I guess – but there are those about who just read a headline and react. Then it's all over the messageboards and social media: who does Alan Devonshire think he is, blah blah blah. And before you know it, life has imitated 'art' and everyone is in a big strop about nothing. Man gets frustrated. Other man doesn't get frustrated but is misrepresented. Other men get frustrated on his behalf anyway. This is how wars start.

Anyway, the loan move that never was isn't going to happen. Hurst has said he isn't planning on bring anyone extra in and one of those players he isn't planning on bringing in is Scunthorpe's Andy Welsh. Who he was never really planning on bringing in anyway and, save for a brief five-minute period on a messageboard, no-one else thought he was planning to bring in either. This is the news.

Oh, and Radio Humberside is at it too. "Big news on McKeown tomorrow" is the sort of phrase that will give me panic-induced nightmares. It turns out I could have slept better knowing that the story was just that the club has offered him a new contract and he's having a think about it. Perhaps tomorrow's big news is that McKeown's wife has suggested they either go to the chippy for tea or dial in a Chinese and that the keeper has the afternoon to make a decision on which one it is.

I tell you what, folks, just let us know when he does or doesn't sign the contract. I might actually be on edge now until I know either way. My life doesn't need this sort of long, drawn-out suspense. HAS HE SIGNED YET? I can't move on with my life until I know. Curse you the BBC!

Mardy Diary rages at non-news news. This is not the news.